Dear First Love of My Life, Thank You.

found via Near the lighthouse, there's my heart
In one way or another I will rather choose not to discuss over the matter of first love. Generally it will be quite ironic for me who is quite a fan of all things romance to not to fond the idea of reminiscing the story of first love. I will however be able to give one explanation about this—my story of first love stretches out for thirteen years. Even my self will laugh when I think about how thirteen years might not make it a story of first love anymore.

First love—even with just the phrase it always manage to bring out a smile from me. It is that sweet sensation when you see one particular person, the ability to feel your heart burst with excitement. It is that sequences of time when you lay your eyes on that particular person, unable to look away. It is that childish excitement when you think about that particular person and the joy that flows with every idea of it. It is that pure and innocence feeling you never knows but manages to overwhelm you with more than a thousand of emotions. It is that experience when you feel as if you can remember everything—and nothing else but you and that particular person ever matter.

Lovely how everyone has different first love stories to share and tell, because I believe even the most ridiculous first love story lays that same pure feeling that everyone once experience. It is not about the end of the first love story that always matters—it is the beginning of it that makes it special.

Adults may refer to it as puppy love but even the silliest puppy love blossoms to the most beautiful feeling in the world a human could ever experience. It is that one moment in life when everything seems to slow down and no one could hear a long classical string composition that plays through your mind when you first lay your eyes on that particular person. It is that first experience when your heart seems to speak through your mind and tells you sincerely—this is my first love.

My first love story begins thirteen years ago and unfortunately it remains without an end. If I am to put an end to it after these thirteen years it will obviously become a sad one—because him who I love since thirteen years ago does not even remember my existence—but I am that selfish person who wants to treasure my first love story, even if it drags out to twenty years in the future. In the end I always remind my self that it is not the ending that matters the most, it is the beginning.


found via Google Image
I encounter a chance to watch a 2009 Japanese movie by the title 僕の初恋をキミに捧ぐ (I Give You My First Love)—typically a loose adaptation of a Japanese manga by the same title—that deeply evolves around the story of a first love. I actually write a report on this excellent masterpiece for college and through it does I realize how much pureness and all sort of emotions flow through when I think about first love. It is that simple matter that has a big influence. I eventually finished reading the eleven volume of its manga yesterday and apparently, it teaches me more about first love and how it changes throughout our life. Through this movie do I begin to understand that the end does not really matters because a first love is a memory that you will remember for the rest of your life not for how it finally ends but for how you begin it and how you live through it.

Fortunately for me that my first love story is not as sad as the one in the Japanese movie but still I am grateful that I am able to experience a first love that I will remember until the very end of time. First love is that innocent feeling one will experience just once in a lifetime and yes I will treasure it. I want to remind my self that sweet feeling of falling in love for the first time.

I do not know why but I want to tell that particular person who I treasure as my first love for thirteen years—thank you for giving me wonderful first love story to remember and treasure throughout my life. Thank you for being that first person who makes my heart flutters and brings out the childish smiles out of me from time to time. Thank you for making me experience the wonderful years of able to see you and almost skip every beat of my heart. Thank you for your existence, because without it I will not be able to experience such beautiful first love story. Thank you so much for this memory. I wish nothing but happiness for you and your partner. I may still foolishly in love with you as I always will for perhaps another thirteen years in the future but do know that I am letting you go. I do not have any regrets for loving you. Even after all these years, I do not regret falling in love with you for the first time. I do not regret having you as my first love. Thank you for the memory. Thank you for the smiles. Thank you for the happiness. Thank you for the friendship. Thank you for the tears and even the sadness. But in the end, thank you for making me fall in love. Dear first love story of my life, thank you.

Now I feel like pathetic. No—please do not sympathize my pathetic love story, it does not worth any attention, really. I just need to get this out from my chest before it literally consumes me as a whole. It has been thirteen years after all. This first love story might one day have a life of its own.

But please remember this—it is not about the end of the first love story that always matters, it is how you begin it and how you live through it.

Her Solitary Welcomes This Unrequited Love.

found via beautifulphotography
I do not think that this is a good thing—to actually allow my self to fall in love yet again. However, I do not have a complete control over my own feelings which is somehow a little frustrating because I could not know when it will eventually happen. Yes, I have to admit that it would be nice to once again fell love—because it has been quite a long time since the last I feel my heart beat faster and my mind only thinks about one person.

But why is it that I always end up falling for the one person who loves someone else instead?

This boy—or should I assume a man—is a friend, not the closest yet not one of those distant friends I could categorize as an acquaintance too. He has been bright and lively—a complete contrast to the solemn and quiet person I am. I like that I could smile and laugh with his presence and does not feel as if it is a burden to do so. I do not have to pretend not to be my self with him; I could completely be my true self.

It just happens that he has a girlfriend—I know, I would take the blame because I do not care anymore. He introduces his girlfriend not long ago—beautiful indeed—and one of the nicest acquaintances I ever meet in my life. I could not understand why I could fall for someone who already has the perfect one in his life. I always end up having this feeling all by my self.

He sometime makes me feel as if I am not complete because to be with him makes it obvious that we both come from two different worlds. He has this group of friends around him, the ongoing type with fantastic social life whereas I only have a small group of friends around me, the quiet type with miserable social life. The way we both grow up are different, we both have different perspectives. Yet when he sits next to me, I could feel genuinely happy. I could laugh and I could smile. He would make me feel as if I am the happiest person ever.

I could not understand my feelings anymore.

I would want to be that one person he loves, but I could not be that person when he already has someone else by his side. I am always that girl who looks silently by the side, keeping my feelings all by my self. I am always that loser who could not express her feelings, because I am a coward. I fear the heartbreak that will follow suit. I could not stand a second heartbreak; I could crush my heart this time if it ever happens.

Regardless the pain, it is actually nice to have someone to dream about at night and to think about when I miss him. I could not remember these childish acts when I fall in love but I could admit that I like it. I like it when I could close my eyes and smile to my self when I remember the funny things he says or when I sing to my self and secretly dedicate my serenade to the person who would not listen. This is funny—but I like every little detail about it.

I would make this feeling the same way as my previous feeling happens. I would ignore it, and when the time comes, it will all disappear. I do not want to hurt any feelings except for my own. I do not care about pain much, but I could not stand to watch others in pain. This is a temporary crush, something that will go with time. I would grow another year older and the feeling will soon fade away with other memories. I will keep it while it is still sweet, as a reminder of this beautiful feeling I would call as love.

However, I would not be afraid to admit this by my self—I think I love you, boy.

Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers.

One in a while, I have to allow my jealousy speaks on my behalf. Unfortunately, today is the day I am allowing my jealousy speaks rather my usual conscience. I am going to allow my self to break free and let loose all these knots inside of me—just a sort of way to dissolve my self into effervescence for a little while. Sometimes I should learn to let the other sides of my self to speak.

First of all, I have a lot to say lately. I have been a silent observer rather than an active speaker (this I horribly blame the MDJ203 Effective Speaking notes I have to diligently study). It is rather uncomfortable not to be able to write everything but at least, I want to let loose what I have been dying to write actually. That is the word—let loose. My words, I am going to say everything in my own words.


found via weheartit
Dear young adults of whom I might know or not know (and do not bother to know at all) who kindly study in the same college as I do, thank you for becoming such nuisances for me lately. I understand that it gets pretty lonely to study in a college in this big man-eater city of nothingness and it somehow become necessary for everyone to couple up—I mean, to hook up with someone else—becoming such couples. I am pretending to happily smile as I write this—foolish me.

However, please know that I am a girl who comes from a very conservative family. Yes, you can call me outdated or weird or maybe just a plain nerd but I do not give a damn. You are not my competitor, you are not a competition. Of course, you want the whole college to know that you are happy with your partner (your boyfriend or your girlfriend, if you are stupid and oblivious enough to understand my words) but there is no need for you to flash your affection towards each other to every single human being. I mean, you can surely keep it all to your self. I do not need to know the way you hold each others hands or the way you kiss your partner. Seriously, there is no need to show everything. I really don't give a damn.

Surely each who reads this will think that I am just jealous because I don't have someone by my side to flash to every one else in college. The answer is however, yes—I am jealous. The reason is that yes, I do not have someone to flash to everyone else in college as my soul-mate whatsoever. Yes, I am pathetic. But surely your parents have teach you that if you are considering your self as a Muslim (or if you are still stupid, if your religion is Islam), you should know that there are laws regarding those skin-ship (okay, another standardized terms stupid people do not know—the gestures you do that involve skins—holding hands, touching cheeks, kissing, etc.). Of course I could tell you that I am jealous that you have a partner to walk by your self but no, I am not jealous that you have to add more sins to your endless list of sins now that you have someone and you are holding your partner's hands or kissing your partner or just simply do everything you want with your partner. I am not jealous—I am glad I don't have to carry such sins.

You could do anything you want with your partner somewhere else where the people do not really care to witness because obviously, I do care. I do not like to stain my eye-sights watching these people do whatever they want as if the college is their own private hotel rooms. We are attending the same public college, excuse me. Yes, I know that you don't care about what I think. And yes, even I do not freaking care about what you want to do. But hey, why bother to flash your affection towards each other as if someone else would actually want to see you and your partner together. Go and get your self a room if you really want to fuck up or something. College is not a place to let every one see what the hell you and your partner are going to do.

I know most of these people are Muslims—I am not practically stupid. Yes, we do not share the same grave when we die and yes, none of us share each other sins so I basically don't give a damn if you want to continue adding onto your sins. Please, go on and enjoy this temporary happiness on Earth. I am still a bit jealous that my life is rather lonely without a partner but at least I do not have to suffer the sins of committing skin-ship with a non-mahram. I am not that desperate, thank you.

I do not intend this post to any particular group of people. I am not good enough my self to lecture anyone but this is what I would like to write tonight. I do not care if you are going to bash me or to hate me because none of those are going to effect me—your words compare to my own are nothing but the tiny words appearing on the screen of my laptop. I could always close my eyes and pretend none of those exist. But this is what I want to write and what I have observed. My observations are not your to judge. I have my own mind, you have your own. Just fuck with your own mind and your own actions rather than to bother with mind. I do not give a damn, I do not even care about anything at all.

In the end, this is my blog. If my words are offending you big time, do not bother to read anything anymore. My words are mine, my words are what I write not for you to read but to satisfy my own self. Thank you if you do read this until the very end, thank you for keeping your curses and bashes all to your self. I appreciate your time and your conscience. Hey haters, thanks for bothering to hate me too.

If there will be no boys in the world care to be my boyfriend after reading this post, I do not care anymore. I am practically happy with my life as a single nerdy student who are in love with a celebrity who does not know I exist.

How To End This Heartbreak.

found via weheartit
There is a weird sensation growing inside of me the moment I realize that the one boy I truly love—my first love—is currently in a relationship where he seems happier and livelier. In many ways I know that the girl you are in love with is far better than the girl I have always been in your eyes. She seems to be a nice girl—of what I know a girl who would make you feel as if you are on cloud nine. I am happy that you are holding onto your happiness, while I am here holding onto the broken pieces of our memories. Do you know what, throughout our friendship that is now just a line of vague explanation we both have to understand—I am always happy to think that I will stay next to you through thick and thin because I truly do love you, even until now. As crazy as this sound, I am still in love with you. How can I let go of you and the feelings I have for you, although now that you are happy with her. You are too precious for me to let go. Holding on the feeling I have for you keep me happy, regardless the heartless reality that is hitting me. I will always wish for your happiness with her. I am not the one for you, not even in my dreams. I am not going to wait, but allow me to hold onto our memories as long as I could because every time I hear your name, my heart breaks a little. I don't need you to end this heartbreak. I need you to give me a reason for my self to let go and eventually end this heartbreak by my self.

She Who Laugh Might Ends Up Crying In The End.

found via just for tonight, darling, let's get lost
Listening to the cover version of the song Poker Face by FT Island really does help me a lot through writing this post. I realize I have write quite an impressive post about trying to stay positive about love on my previous post and despite that I should have use this time to memorize the newspaper for the newspaper quiz tomorrow, I believe that writing this one particular post is even more important—because the reason why I write this post is because someone has hurt my dearest best friend.

Okay, let us talk about love and the negative side of it. That one particular girl is now a girlfriend to another one particular boy from the circle of friends I have. I am totally fine about that. But does she really have to stalk my best friend's blog and somehow laugh at her for not being able to have the boy she secretly loves—just because that boy happens to be her new boyfriend? Girl, that is an act of a loser. Oh, excuse my language. That is an act of a b*tch.

You never laugh at someone who can't have the person he/she loves. That is just pure evil.

Admiration is a strong word. There is nothing wrong for my best friend to admire this one particular boy because obviously, we all do the same thing sometimes. I admit, I do admire certain boys but that doesn't mean I want to kidnap him and keep him all for myself. Girls admire boys because sometimes they have the criteria we are looking for in our perfect boyfriend type. I mean, I would like to have Ashton Kutcher as my boyfriend and there is no wrong for me to admire a boy who I may accidentally meet who perhaps looks a little like Ashton Kutcher. I believe I have done nothing wrong.

So girl, I know that you believe you are awesome. Okay, I am not going to argue about that because I have no idea who you are and the last memory I have when I talk to you is the time when you ask me to do this and that as if I am your maid—but no, I am not keeping any grudge over someone like you—it would be a waste of my time. But like seriously, no one—and that includes you—have the right to laugh at someone who can't have the person he/she secretly likes. No, that is not right. You are allowed to be happy with whoever you like but never, laugh at others. That is an act of a brainless b*tch. The part where you hurt my friend through doing that means you are a biggest b*tch ever.

Excuse my language dear readers. I believe that I may not have the perfect grammar like that one particular girl but I believe we all have the rights to write whatever we want and like. I support my friend for not hiding her feelings—because to like someone whether secretly or openly is never a sin. It is an act that proves that we all have feelings because we all are just human beings. You b*tch, I wish you all the best with that boy—of whom unfortunately is my friend. May you all live happily ever after—although I am not sure if holding hands and saying I love you today to each other might ends up in marriage.

Love is a free thing—we don't have the rights to stop anyone from feeling it—even if somehow, another person might just secretly likes your special ones. Believe me b*tch, karma is a delicious treat—what goes around, comes around.

One Beautiful Thing Called Love.

found via the starts set fire to my eyes
I could see that love is budding between some of my friends. I like to see these couples rising from among our friends—but in the same time it starts to be freaking awkward. I mean, to work with couples and see them together in projects creeps the hell out of me. I am fine with them being together all the time but do they really have to let the whole world knows that they are officially couples? I don't think that is an appropriate move, especially when you are dating someone from the same circle of friends.

Okay, I admit that I am jealous. So what, I am a human and I am allowed to be jealous. I am pathetically single and in love with a celebrity that doesn't even know I exist. Oh come on, just admit I am quite a pathetic one in this matter. I have trouble finding love and being in love. My past relationships—not so well. Each ends either tragically or just horribly. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I don't think love and me have any kind of chemistry at all.

The worst part is that, I freaking hate Chemistry subject in high school too but that is totally out of the discussion. Who would have a great time memorizing the Periodic Table when the only memory of studying Chemistry in high school is the moment when we spilled some kind of acid and we ran like crazy children to the sink to wash our itchy and reddish hands. Oh, those memories.

Back to the matter of discussion, I admit that I would not say no to love right now. I have been single like way too long and I think that this is the time for me to open my heart and learn to accept the reality. Let bygones be bygones. I don't have any grudge against boys for the mistakes I have done with love in the past—like some of the girl I know in college—and I am absolutely fine in welcoming a boy who would love me as much as I could love him. Love is a beautiful thing, I would love to cherish it.

Guess I would have to celebrate Valentine's Day alone again like a loser next year. Let me recall the last time I celebrated Valentine's Day—of which I believe to be two years ago, perhaps. Oh my God, it has seriously been two years since the last time I actually celebrated Valentine's. What a loser.

Dear Handsome Guy.

found via aesthetics by dmcq
Look at this man—I mean like seriously—and find me one good reason on why I should not sex love him. The hair, the jawline, the eyes—oh my God, his eyes—his shoulders, his everything. They are just too mesmerizing as they are. The wonder a man could do to a girl like me. Dear Matt Bomer, you can have half of my heart—because half of it is still with the one particular boy who I will always rape love who plays a guitar in a band. But oh my God, Matt Bomer. It would not be me if I don't squeal like crazy each time White Collar commercial appears on TV. Mr. Bomer, what have you done to me. You are one perfection. You are so freaking perfect, I could stare at your pictures all day and cry at myself for not being able to kidnap meet you.

Everything Will Be Fine, Honey.

found via beautiful disaster
I am getting better emotionally—I am trying to be positive—as positive as I could while I am trying to fix my current life. I know the consequences of being emotionally unstable thus I want to fix that. I need t fix that, urgently. I am getting better in controlling my current life—avoiding things I dislike, doing things I really like. I am trying to involve in circles—rather than evaporate fast enough not to know anything. Okay well, I do evaporated several times but at I least I reappear. I am also trying to save my grades from falling—now that my current semester is coming to an end very soon. Don't let me fail any subject—regardless how lazy I am in completing assignments and tasks. I promise that I will stop posting posts like these because I know it starts to irritate most people. Fine, I am going to be a real blogger from now on—who updates about life rather than rants. I will be fine, thank you for the concerns.

My friend is being so freaking happy (and giggling all the way) with her boyfriend right in front of me. I admit, even though that I should not, I am jealous. I envied her happiness. I want someone to make me giggle like a five-years old too. I want a man who I could cherish his cheeks and fix his hair regularly. I want someone to eat something I buy with my own money. I want someone—just practically someone—to love me.

Love A Little Bit Less, Love A Little Bit More.

found via r o m a n t i q u e
There is a limitation of love in almost everyone—one can always love someone too much, and one could always love someone a little less than usual too. I am not implying this onto a love relationship between two people call boy and girl, but I am implying this perspective onto the fact that a parent—could love a child whether a little bit more or a little bit less.

I am not trying to prove that a parent can’t love all of her/his offspring equally, but I am trying to say that some—just love a certain child a little more or a little less. It is not something that is out of this world, it is just something not everyone would want to admit. Come on, what parent would like her/his children to know that she/he loves only a certain child more and love another certain child less? That would be a disaster—although the fact that most of the time, a child itself could understand this through his/her observation.

Let’s not make this complicated. I not trying to prove anything—I am just saying what is on my mind lately. My observation could be a little too detailed so, please forgive me if I am offending any parents out there. I am trying to express my thoughts.

In general, one can’t ever love equally—because there will always be one person you love the most and the other person you love a little less that usual. Don’t be afraid to admit it, everyone does it.

Hear My Confession.

found via weheartit
Hey boy, listen up. This is not a tale I am about to tell and either this will be a story I am about to share. This is a confession—from a girl who knows nothing but to bury her ugly face in her thick books rather than to look up onto the sky. But now, dumping away my thick books and raise my head up to look at the bright sky, I am proud to confess that perhaps, in any way it may sound—I guess, I really like you.

I love every bit about you. Perhaps I like your scent that reminds me of chocolate, and maybe by some reason I love the way your hair curls into waves that reminds me of the ocean I like the most. I adore your sense of style despite your lack of brands, because even with a plain tee and jeans, in my eyes, you already look dashing as you could be. I like the way you speak—those words come out smoothly like a river flows. I love the way you stand straight or perhaps when you sit down and you clasp your hands together—your finger twining like a grip you will never let go. I like the way your thin but strong fingers hold onto something. I love the way you are able to serenade; the way you capture attention with your songs and your acoustic guitar.

More importantly, I love the way you smile and the way your cheeks develop those cute dimples. I like the way you pout when you are uncomfortable and the way you fan your self with your hand when it gets hot sometimes. I love the way you listen to your iPod as if you shut the whole world off and only listen to what matters the most to your ears—your music. By chance, maybe I am in love with the way you can’t dance but still, you will do whatever it takes to entertain me by doing random dancing, even when you know you will look horrible. I adore your confidence and your coolness—because it reminds me that you are a grown man.

I don’t need to stop here because I can continue to say that I love your appearance. You say you might have not stopped growing yet and we laugh about that because it may sound silly but still, somehow, I believe you. I like the way you speak random English every now and then to make me laugh and the way you treat everything that doesn’t matter like a play thing because you know how I look at life and want it to be a bit relaxing for me.

But this, my dear boy, might be the exact reason why I like you. I like the way you express your gratitude over this fate that bring us together. I look up to you because you can express your love and gratefulness continuously. And surely for me, the one thing that makes you the one boy that I truly like, is to know that even when could be sometimes a bit too far away from each other—I know I could always stop and turn around, and find you right behind me; like the one guardian I could lean on, every time.

Dear Reality.

found via Tragic-Memory
It seems like even after a while, I am still invincible in the eyes of the one person I wanted to be visibly seen. This is so unlike me - to want to whine about my horrible life and my even worst social life - but when it comes to the point when the one person I really want to love and like doesn’t seem to appreciate or at least acknowledge my presence even for a split second, it seems like, no matter how I try to tell my self that I should feel nothing against something I am used to, I just can’t.

Strange how life change drastically after one short separation and it is even stranger that one life could disregard the other one life that all these times have been around, like the air or like the particles no one see in the air itself. God makes me a stronger person after facing ignorance in my entire life but this ignorance I am facing right now makes me want to crumple and disappear like dust, evaporate into nothingness so that I could always be forgotten, rather than remembered but ignored.

For a long time have I not feel this kind of feeling after what I have been through for the past ten years. This time, I have prayed so that this mutual feeling I have could last long enough to make me feel as if I am walking on clouds, as if I am floating on the finest surface of water. But I guess, life is just a reality that would suck me into a deep black hole that contains nothing but misery.

I guess, this feeling isn’t going to work out. I guess this is the sign that means that I need to back off and step back into my miserable reality. I am okay with pain, I am okay with being this lonely self I have always been but I don’t need the cold look from one person I truly wants to give my heart and soul - although it seems like my heart will stay here with me for a long, long time - now that he is out from the picture.

So long and goodbye, this wonderful feeling. It has been beautiful while you are here to be my companion and thank you for the memories, of making me feel giddy like a little child and to make me have something to look forward to into my life. Thank you, for this short period of happiness that makes me a normal girl after all.

New Found Love.

So basically, I have found a new lover through the Internet. Ever since I meet this usable application name Internet, I have always find a way to put myself somewhere in the net thus I end up having tons of accounts and sign up on almost websites available on the net itself. However, I have truly found the one true love on the Internet through a friend and I have to say, it gives the pleasure as much as my blog could give. It gives me a pleasure to speak what’s on my mind and give me the convenience of describing my words in simpler method.

found via yavorancho
It is true; I am in love with TUMBLR. Call me lame or whatsoever for just now realizing how beautiful the pleasure of having tumblr is but hey, at least I found it. I am not yet on the pro level of using tumblr but I love it. It is not as sophisticated as my other accounts yet it give me the sweetness a simplicity could give. I already have it for quite some time but it is only now that I want to be more active in using it. Come on, you can shoot me for delaying the enjoyment of having tumblr.

THREEZERO11.TUMBLR

Fancy the name? I am this obsessed over numbers and words lately and I can’t but to use it almost on every website I am newly created. Most importantly at the age of nineteen, I finally realized that I got obsessed over every little thing. Pretty boys in a band, sneakers, high heels, hand bags, gadgets, etc - I can’t even find anything that I won’t like anymore. Oh, except for brats. I still hate brats or particularly, three rich brats which happened to be someone I know very well.

I am no longer in love with Facebook because the more I scroll for my friends’ updates the more I realized that somehow my world and their worlds are just two separated worlds that could never be combined together. You get the picture. MySpace has long been an official pain in the butt and if I ever continue to get notifications about those lame applications that do nothing but filling my inbox even faster that my webpage reload, I think I might go and delete that account. On the brighter note, I am still in love much with my Twitter because now that Korean celebrities are using more Twitter too, I get to know their updates straight from the celebrities themselves.

I have already taken off the hiatus mode on my YouTube after uploading the MV for “Flower Rock”, just to notice that several of my videos, mostly music videos and one performance video has been slapped with copyright materials and one of it has been illegally binded to iSBS which mean that some countries might not be able to watch my video. Damn it SBS. I have already made a back-up account, just in case my current account got suspended. You can actually found my empty back-up account here. The username for this account is slightly more straightforward. You can easily find me there without getting lost.

So, in case you are wondering where the hell I am when this blog seems to be quiet and abandoned, head over to my new tumblr page and you’ll find that somehow, I am not dead yet. To hell to those people who think that I have already perish but come on, bad people die hard. It is those kind people who die first. I want to stay evil for a long time for my revenge, remember? So hit me, I am still alive on my blog and my tumblr. I don’t need people to survive, I need air to do so.

눈물이 흐른다 .

Title; 눈물이 흐른다
Translation; Tears Are Flowing
Side-Note; When It Flows, It Just Flows .

I came across a new short series of novel graphic today while shopping.
It was a Malay-translated novel graphic from a manhwa (Korean comic) which was drawn in 2004 called ‘Pak Cik Kaki Panjang’ or in the original title ‘키다리 아저씨 (Daddy Long-Legs)’. I bought the entire series consisted of two books because I was a huge fan of the movie itself, starring Ha Jiwon some times ago.

Oh, it was worth my money to buy the two books!
I love how the comic flows, just as good as the movie itself. Although I know the end, I can’t stop but to cry at the ending in which my mom and my younger sister thought that I was crazy to cry over some comics. I can’t believe I am crying like crazy. Even better that it is in Malay in which happened to the language I am most fluent in. I can’t stop crying even after I finished the two novel graphics! I cried the most at the part where the main girl realized that the daddy long-legs she was searching for had always been someone closed to him and when she found the room where the daddy long-legs kept the memories of her as his memories were fading day by day until he died. Crap, I am still crying while typing this.

After finishing the novel graphics, I went into my bedroom and switched on the laptop to work on my fanfic in which hadn’t been progressing as well as I thought it might be. I randomly chose a song to listen to while working on the chapters (because songs helped me to get into the angst mood better) when my favorite song from FT Island, Heaven was played through my headphone.

OH GOD!
Why must you give me a sad song to hear after I cried a river over some novel graphics?
And unfortunately, I just continued crying instead of working on my fanfic. Gosh, I am such a cry baby my self! I couldn’t even type a word as I cried. While listening to Heaven, I remembered the short monologue by Jaejin at the end of the music video, in which he said that he would like to bravely confess to the noona he liked about his feelings and that he wanted that noona to treasure all of their memories together before saying that he loved her. He sounded so innocent and pure about his love even at the end of his life. Dammit, why must everyone got beaten up or killed off in the end of FT Island’s music videos back then?

Argh ~ both of the things that made me cried ended with the main male characters dying. I am so sad! I can’t seem to take the part in the song Heaven that goes “…미안해 너 혼자 이렇게 보내서, 나만 여기 남아 있어서, 몸서리 치게 니가 보고 싶은데, 사랑해 하늘에서도 행복해줘, 그 곳에서 기다려줘, 내가 갈 때까지만 잘가 (I’m sorry that I let you let go alone like this, that I remain here, I am missing you like crazy, I love you, please be happy in heaven, please wait for me up there until the day I follow you, goodbye…)”. I seriously love that part of the song from the moment I first heard it (kudos to the brilliant writer of the song, Ahn Youngmin). It felt as if the song was sung by the two main girls who were left by their beloved ones in both of novel graphics and the music video.

Right now, my eyes sore a lot.
I confessed; I am very emotional. I could cry over anything! So go on and give me a very sad love story and you’ll see me crying a river from the beginning right until the end. I am just a sucker for sad things. Like how my younger sister told me, I have extra amount of tears that let me cry whenever I wanted. This must be my talents then ㅠ.ㅠ

I need to go back to writing.

Background Music; Heaven by FT Island.

11 Years of Being a Fool .

Title; 11 Years of Being a Fool .
Side-Note; I’m a Fool Because of You .

“Love is a moment of being a fool , falling into it and never want to come out from it”
My dearest friend Minji , asked me a question yesterday through YM in which she asked , “unnie , what would you like to do with your boyfriend on Valentine’s Day if you have one?” and it left me completely hanging . I told her , “Minji-ah , why would you like to know?” and I waited several seconds before I read her reply saying, “ unnie , you’ve been lonely for so long , are you still waiting for your first love?” . The moment I read her reply , I was shocked . Was it that obvious ? Was it too obvious to her eyes that I had been alone for so long it seemed like I am still waiting for that one stupid boy ? Even to someone who connected to me through internet would have known that . I typed back a moment later, “Minji dear , first love is hard to forget but after 11 years , I think it is time for me to move on” , but do the answer I gave her was the truth ? Am I ready to face the fact that after those years it is finally the time for me to stop waiting for him and finally move on ?

4015 days approximately and counting ; am I really that crazy ?
We first met in 1999 , when we were both just in Standard Two while in Elementary School but then , you moved away . I remembered the last day you were there in our classroom , your smile and your gestures . Five years later , we met again by chance and it was during our last year in Elementary School but you never saw me . It had always been me who looked at you from afar . A year later , we met again by fate when I moved into your class during our first year in High School . You sat in front of me and you teased me a lot , before we became closed like best friends should . We shared lots of stories and been through so many things together , being teased by our friends for our closeness too . I kept my feelings away from you and silently , each time I saw you with someone else and even during that time when you confessed that you like my very own best friend , I smiled and supported you , because I would never show you my frustration . I went home and cried , and my other best friend comforted me by calling me . She told me to forget you but I can’t . I’d fallen in love with you and like a fool , I don’t want to come out from it . But then , four years later you moved out again and that time I knew it was permanently . We kept in contact for several months before you completely erased me from your life , leaving me hanging in my own world .

넌 나쁜남자야 !
But like a fool I am , no matter how mean you are , I still love you .
Forgetting you is like forgetting a part of my self because loving you had been a part of my life . I couldn’t remember how many times I’d cried for you , how many pictures of you and I that I had torn apart yet I could never let you go . I am selfish , yes , but because I love you so much , I have to learn to let you go . I could no longer listen to the songs you like because those reminded me of you . I can no longer think about the moments we hanged out together and laughed at each other , because it made me missed you more . You never once contact me again , unlike how you contacted my other best friends . It is okay if I am not a woman in your eyes , if I am not up to your standards . It is fine . I am used of being used .

It is okay if you broke your promises that we’ll be best friends forever by forgetting me . I am hurt , yes , but I’ll never blame you .
I’d been alone for too long right now . Two whole years of being alone , wow , that’s an amazing record . But when I thought about Minji’s question , I hesitate . Is it true I am still waiting for my first love ? It would be stupid , yes but I can’t take him off my life just like that . It had been 11 years , for GOD sake , it’s 11 fucking years of yearning for someone I would never have ! He never look at me as a true woman anyway , because in his eyes , I was no one but a friend he turns to whenever he needs my help . For 11 years I kept this relationship alive in my life by pretending as if he is still my friend though everyone else said that I am a fool . No , I’ll never let our memories faded .

11 fucking years of being a fool .
Doesn’t matter if it takes me 111 years to forget you because I won’t . It had been 11 years of waiting anyway , does it make a difference if I waited for another 11 years ? I am a fool , yes , because I had fallen for you . Congratulations for hurting me , and for making me a fool . I love you , yes I do . Even when we played that prank where I needed to confess to you playfully in front of everyone else , I meant that . It was true , it wasn’t a game for me . I confessed to you , “ I love you ” and those words I said was true even when you smiled at me and knew that we were a part of a prank . I love it when we shared many favorites together and when others laughed at us , you always defended me . I love being beside you , just sitting there and breathed in the air between us . I love everything about you . I love it that you didn’t delete my picture off your camera and that we were together in many precious moments of our high school’s lives . I love having you in my life .

I love every single thing about you - including your flaws .
Anyhow , tomorrow is Valentine’s Day so here is my early wish . I hope everyone love those around you and cherish every moment of a relationship while it lasts . No matter who you are , love is always in the air . It’s our responsibility to search for it because once you fall into it , you might never want to come out . My wish is that you remember me , my dear best friend , even for a second . I never hope that you love me back because that is impossible but please , don’t forget my name . Even if you already have someone else in your life , I wish you all the happiness in this world . Don’t forget to call me when it is time for you to get married . Treat that special girl of yours the same way you treated me as your best friend and never hurt her . I’ll be here forever , waiting . I don’t care about the pain anymore , I’ll just wait and pray for your happiness .

I love you tall boy . I really love you !

Background Music; 너 울때까지 ( Until You Return ) by FT Island .

When We Called It Quit .

Title; When We Called it Quit
Side-Note; Clearly He Has to Understand “This” if He is Not Stupid
“When we called it quit, I said nothing but yes.”
So basically, I had several past relationships I tried not to remember; well, who would like to recall over some ruined relationship back in high school anyway? My first one was quite unexplainable, the second one was, well, let’s just say that we were both just not into our relationship at all, the third one was the one I resented the most while the fourth one was the best ( although it ended, it took us a long way to found the end of the relationship ).

Well, I disconnected any kind of relationship between the two earlier failures in my life and I had never heard anything about them at all. I am still in touch with Jae ( not frequently, just sometimes ) while the third failure; well I would like to talk about that, to give it a deep thought about what this failure really wants from me.

We were almost like a pair in 2007, when we were both in Form 4. I never knew him but we somehow got into that stage of a relationship anyway, and PLEASE DO NOT ASK me why I went into that stage at all ( I was a fool back then, seriously ). It wasn’t really a pleasing relationship to remember, a tasteless relationship in which made me asked my self, “when is this going to end?”. We ended it two months later because well, as foolish as I maybe, he dumped me ( duh, since when do I ever dump anyone before anyway? ) by saying that I am suffocating him ( well, who suffocates who? ) and that he was too good for me ( excuse me ) but well, I didn’t even got a shock over that, it was predictable. After that, failure and I had been disconnecting our connection ( if there was any at all ) but he started ringing me back in 2008. He used the kind and friendly approach though that failure didn’t know I had to start resenting him.

Up until 2010, we were however still friends on MySpace and Facebook; something in which I found disturbing in a way I couldn't explain. He posts stuffs and commented on my wall but I never did those to him. He was a failure in my past, I don’t need him anymore.

But why does he kept bugging me lately? Doesn’t that failure with a name have his own life? Go and get a life if you don’t, he has to know that we are not like how we used to be before and that we would never be like that at all ( not even in his dreams ). Just stop doing whatever you are doing, mister, because like it or not, I hate you and everything about you. Are you annoyed that I happy off without you? Well, if you are, please continue. I don’t care. You had come into my life once and you are NOT welcome into my life for the second time, thank you. My life is like WAY BETTER off without you. I am better off without you. So now that you had taken your lesson, go on and live as if we never know each other. Don’t take your time to even care whether I have taken my breakfast, lunch or dinner yet or not. I don’t want your care, it’s too late, mister! Two years too late!

Failure, you are TWO YEARS too late.
Honestly, this one relationship is the one I didn’t regret putting an end to it. I am glad to have been freed from failure’s relationship and I was happy I wasn’t affected by it ( at all!) and surely, thanked to failure, I have found Jae and though it didn’t go quite well too, at least he brought me more happiness than failure did. So long, failure. You are nothing but a failure yourself. So long, and take care, good luck trying to ruin other girl’s life next.

“When YOU called it quit, I moved on, happily.”
Background Music; Hot Stuff by Davichi

소년의 첫 사랑.

Title: 소년의 첫 사랑.
Translation: A Boy’s First Love.
I am always amazed by how someone’s first love story sounded, the details in each story I heard, the imagination I got whenever the story was told, and almost everything about a first love could really fascinates me. My first love story wasn’t a happy one; I fell in love with someone when I was just 8 years-old and painful, silently, continued to love the same boy for 10 years until I reached 18 years old. Yeay for me and my foolishness for loving someone that long but I admitted, first love is surely hard to forget.

My older sister always said, “If you actually marry that boy 10 years ago, you should be having 2 or 3 children together already” in order to tease me. But she was right, 10 years is a very long time.

Anyway, this post isn’t about my pitiful first love and my self but it is about my nephew’s first love. Little Hongki, or in which his real name is Amirul, was forced to tell me whether he actually have a crush on any girls in his school. And for everyone’s information, he is just 5 years-old turning 6 years-old in February next year.

It seems my beloved nephew already have his first crush, over a girl named Zaqia. She stays at the nursery he stays as well and to my surprise, because he is always be considered as the ‘Little Hongki’, I couldn’t believe he really is like Hongki. Remember in MNET Scandal in which Hongki’s friends revealed that he only liked older girls or someone who is at the same age as him? Well, surprise! That girl who is my nephew’s first crush happens to be TWO YEARS older than him. A noona-dongsaeng crush complex?

From the childish conversation I had with Amirul, he said that girl doesn’t really know him. I asked on how he knew her name, and he said that he heard the teachers in his nursery call her Zaqia. Now, I feel like my nephew is a stalker or something. You should see how his face reddened when he told me this story today. He was smiling endlessly and he was blushing. He made me promised that I won’t tell his mother (my older sister) and so I did, but I never promised that I won’t tell anyone else, especially those who might read this post.

I don’t know why but I feel weird to see a 5 years-old boy getting embarrassed as he told the story of the girl he likes. The innocence and the sincerity he showed amazed me, like how I am always amazed by other’s first love’s story. An innocent boy who has his first crush over a girl who is two years older than him, doesn’t that sound drama-like?

Ah, this reminded me of the song 소년 소녀를 만나다 (Boy Meets Girl) by FT Island. About an unforgettable first love; the sweet scent of first love which would remind no matter how long time goes by.

I remembered this quote in which I read from a love novel about several years ago, “A man would never forget his first love, while a woman would never forget her last love.”

Ring a bell, anyone? FT Island also sings a song about this, a man’s unforgettable first love as sang in the song 남자의 첫사랑은 무덤까지 간다고 (A Man’s First Love Follows Him to the Grave). I am not sure about the part of the quote in which it tells a woman would never forget her last love but it sure sounds interesting.

Everyone will once experience a beautiful innocent first love story. I did and surely it could never be erased from my life. What about you, why don’t you sit back and refresh the first love’s story of your life for once?

Background Song: 소년 소녀를 만나다 by FT Island.

The Comforting E-Mail.

넌 정말 용감합니다 (translated as You Are So Brave)
From: S. Jae (epik_*******[at]yahoo[dot]com)
To: ********[at]yahoo[dot]com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey girl.
Got to admit I am missing you and your dorkiness lately.
Just read your email and I have to say, you are stronger now than when we were together.
You know it yourself right.
You are always the strong girl.
I am sorry you have to go through such a hard day,
And how I wish I could meet you and comfort you by myself.
But we both know that will be impossible.
Anyway, keep the strong attitude.
I know you can get through the hard 6 weeks well.
This is just the beginning, girl.
You have 4 weeks more to go through.
You just need yourself to be brave.
Brave.
Strong.
You choose to be better, now you have to face it strongly, okay?
Don't give up.
And it is okay to cry because it means you are a human being by crying.
Don't feel ashamed of it.
Don't ever feel neglected
because even when we are far apart, I'll continue being your best friend.
Whenever you are feeling down, let's cherish fun moments together!
Listen to your favorite songs and you'll feel better.
Okay, don't listen to FT Island's sad ballads when you are down, it'll make everything worst.
Just kidding.

Anyway, I'll always wait for your email, in case you
need to write to me.
Be strong, Diella!
I know you will.

This has been the sweetest e-mail anyone had ever sent to me in my life.
The sweetest and most encouraging e-mail any friend of mine had ever sent.

Today isn't the best day ever.
I suffered through physiotherapy session and everything else just seemed so hard for me today.
I cried so much and worst, I cried alone.
Maybe I am going crazy for doing so,
And I ended up sending a long ranting e-mail to my ex-boyfriend for no good reason.
After sending it, I regretted it.
I REGRETTED IT big time.

But
just now,
I received a reply from him.
He still remain the sweet young man who put me first in his life even after we were no longer a couple.
He wasted his time sending me a comforting e-mail,
Which made me felt better after going through so much today.

오빠, thank you very much.
You know, you are still the best.

One Band, Many Songs.

I opened an e-mail from my cutest (yet angsty) friend, JC just now.
Ah ~ not in the mood of posting.
But well, here is the e-mail from her anyway.

"...Diella, you should try and do this thing.
I want you to choose only ONE
ARTIST and answer all the questions with songs only from the ONE ARTIST you
choose.
Answer all questions honestly.
I want to see this post on your
blog too.
Or else, I'll kidnap Seunghyun *insert evil laughs here*

From JC (who secretly falling in love with Leader Choi's charms)..."

JC, don't you ever dare to touch my Seunghyun.
Or else I'll kidnap your Seungri too!
----

Pick Your Artist:

FT Island
Anyone who know me would had thought this correctly

Are you a male or female:

여자는 몰라 (Girls' Don't Know)
See the word 'girl' in the title?

Describe yourself:

The One
I am the one and only me.

How do you feel:

행복함니다 (I'm Happy)
I shouldn't be sad today.

Describe where you currently live:

Heaven
Ah ~ as much I wanted this to happen, it is just so unexplainable.

What's your Occupation:

Primadonna
Yes, the full time job I currently adored.

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:

FT Island
This mean that I want to go to meet FT Island, or just kidnap them for fun.

Your favorite form of transportation:

Train
Haha ~ couldn't believe I actually have a perfect song for this.

Your best friend is:

눈물이 두가까운 사람 (Person Who Is Closer To Tears)
Not sure about this, but I don't care.

You and your best friends are:

Troublemaker
Gee, just realized this after I remembered this song title.

What's the weather like:

마법 (Magic)
Well, the weather is like magic right now, it's unpredictable.

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:

멋쟁이 vs. 에뿐이 (The Cool vs. The Pretty)
I'll be the pretty and the five boys will be the cool.

What is life to you:

인형처럼 (Like A Doll)
Life is nothing like a doll to me, huh?

Your current relationship:

바램 (Hopeful)
I am single, and I am hoping for a boyfriend.

Your fear:

눈물이 흐른다 (Tears Are Flowing)
I am scared of my own tears.

What is the best advice you have to give:

Life Like a Musical
No, this doesn't mean life is like High School Musical or what-so-ever.

Thought for the Day:

결혼해줘 (Marry Me)
You hear that Seunghyun, come and marry this noona fast.

How I would like to die:

1분 1초도 (1 Minute, 1 Second)
I want to die fast, and beautifully if it is possible.

My soul's present condition:

바래 (I Hope)
This is so expectedly random.

My motto:

I Believe Myself
Hell yes, I am believing myself no matter what happen.

----

JC, this is so random.
Give me something harder or even more interesting next time, will you?
But you know I love you!

제씨, 사랑해!

Kiss The Rain.

Yiruma's Kiss The Rain by FT Island's Song Seunghyun


tagged + pkTN + seunghyunified
Many people see me as someone who loves mainly modern music, well, make it pop or ballad.
Not many people actually know, I am a HUGE FAN of piano compositions.
I am not kidding.
I actually have a long playlist of piano compositions, especially from Beethoven, Yiruma, and some classicals from Vivaldi (I am a huge fan of Vivaldi).

Yiruma - well, I liked almost all of his piano compositions and one of my favorite is Kiss The Rain (I personally loved One Day I Will Leave Behind, Tears on Love & Maybe more).
First of all, I loved the title ; it is so catchy yet meaningful.
Secondly, the composition might sound like a repetition but it is amazingly beautiful.
Thirdly, it was the first composition from Yiruma which made me felt in love with piano compositions.
And recently, I had found the forth reason why I must loved Kiss The Rain even more.

For those who didn't know Yiruma's Kiss The Rain (oh, you should just shoot yourself for not knowing Yiruma), here's the original full version of Kiss The Rain.


xXYuNPoOXx
Song Seunghyun - other than being recognized as the new member (well, not so new now) of FT Island, the second vocalist (in which it seems this position hadn't been proved much lately), the rapper (which he admitted to be the one and only rapper of FT Island), the second guitarist (yes, I'd listened to his guitaring skill and it was great) and the 16-dimension boy with a mind of his own.
If you are a die-hard-Primadonna like me, you'll probbaly know that Jonghoon isn't the only one who knows how to play the piano in FT Island in the new FT Island of course.
Yes, Seunghyun knows how to play the piano too - but only Jonghoon was able to show his skills in FT Island.

The fancam embedded was taken from the establishment party of their fanclub a few months ago, and it was taken during Seunghyun's solo performance.
Being curious at how good he actually is at playing the piano (not that I could play the piano), I was eager to watch the fancam, because previously, I'd only seen short cuts of their solo performances.

OMG ~ I am in heaven.

Always being biased towards Seunghyun, I found another reason why I must continue to be a biased noona fan of him and also another reason why I must loved Kiss The Rain now.

He played the piano beautifully.
I am not just saying this because I am biased - but he looked amazing playing the piano.
Many know this (especially my family) that I have a thing for a boy (well, I prefer an older boy) who played the piano, in which explained why I got into a relationship with one of my previous boyfriends (because he is an excellent pianist too, and we ended up listening to Kiss The Rain whenever we remembered each other).
Seunghyun looked amazing, perfect looks and perfect melody combined together.

Yes, Kiss The Rain sounds most likely like a repetition but it was very lovely.
And yes, Seunghyun did fine playing it - considering he played without looking at music sheets.
He is my prince charming in yellow raincoat (?) and cutest hairstyle.
Of course the original version is WAY better than the one played by Seunghyun, but it didn't make much differences, at least to me who love the composition very much now.

I ripped the video so that I could have his rendition of Kiss The Rain all by myself.
How could this get even better?
He is 180 centimeter (my ideal boyfriend's height), he is handsome, he is funny, he is weird, he is talented, his voice is heavenly, his guitar skill is great, he is practically getting better as being an MC (he is one of MBC 지금은 꽃미남시대 Season 2's MC along Jonghoon) and now, he added even more charms by proving that he could play the piano as good as anyone else could.

Way to go, Seunghyun!
Noona is so proud of you - though I wonder since when did he learn piano and which instrument he mastered first, was it guitar or piano?

Haha ~ the real reason for this post was just to express my bias-ness towards Seunghyun lately.
My mom is slowly falling into his charms too.
And I am practically just bored.

Song Seunghyun, could you play One Day I Will Leave Behind for noona?
Is it too much?

Now that he often plays the piano on solo performance (he played it again once in Japan), shouldn't MBC Music Core let him plays the piano like how they allowed Taemin to play Yiruma's River Flows in You before?
Ha, I already imagine him playing the piano and singing like how Jonghoon did on his own solo performance during FT Island's First Island Concert in 2007.

With his great vocal and his piano skill - OMG, I'll be in heaven.

20090823 Music Shuffle Survey

What is your name? Or what should your name be?:
Maria - Kim Ahjoong
(wow, fascinating ~ never knew Maria should be my name)

How is your life going?:
Pretty Girl - KARA
(does that mean I am going to be pretty or what?)

What is your nickname?:
Hate U, Love U - Super Junior
(oh, people should hate me and love me but not giving me nicknames?)

What is your theme song?:
기억 // Memories - Younha feat. Tablo
(so this means I have a lot of memories in life, huh?)

What is your best friend's theme song?:
1분 1초도 // 1 Minute 1 Second - FT Island
(that's great ; my best friend doesn't even like FT Island)

How is your life going to turn out?:
초연 - JOO
(wait a minute, what does this mean?)

Will you get married?:
내 여자니까 // You Are My Woman - Lee Seunggi
(at least I know I am someone's girl)

Will you have kids?:
너이 안부를 무른때 // When I Ask About Your Condition - FT Island
(I will have kids when someone ask about my condition?)

What will your job be?:
Hot Girl - Seeya
(OMG ~ that is not going to happen!)

Did you/will you finish school?:
미오나, 고우나 // Hate It, Love It - FT Island
(it's whether I like it or I hate it, right?)

Who is your best friend?:
Dangerous - Eun Jiwon
(aww ~ my best friend is very dangerous)

Who is or will be your significant other?:
지겨워 // Tiresome - Bae Seulgi
(I guess looking for him will be very tiresome)

Who do you like?:
미워도 사랑하니까 // I Love You Though I Hate You - Davichi
(does this mean I like someone who I actually hate?)

How will you die?:
메아리 // Echo - Evan
(will I die because of an echo?)

How do you feel right now?:
Find - SS501
(guess I have to look for something right now and find it before it's too late)

What is your favorite song?:
My Man - Davichi
(haha ~ I love this song but strictly not my favorite song right now)

How could you describe your parents?:
사랑하는 법을 물라서 // Because I Don't Know How To Love - FT Island
(ah ~ that explains why they are always arguing all the time)

Your best friend[s]?:
천사와 나무꼰 // Angel & Woodman - FT Island
(I never even know anyone who is an angel and a woodman)

Your teachers?:
Gossip Boy - Younha
(never knew my teachers all loved to gossip around)

Your significant other [or crush...]?:
Kiss Me, Kiss Me - Lee Hyunji
(you hear that, come and kiss me or else I'll go and kiss you)

Yourself?:
I Don't Care - 2NE1
(hell yes ~ I don't care about anyone or anything right now)

What is your best feature?:
Indian Boy - MC Mong feat. Jang Geunni & B.I
(eh? I am not even an Indian even more not even a boy)

What will you be/should you be, profession-wise?:
소망 (Ver.2) // Desire (Ver.2) - Choi Jonghoon of FT Island
(emm ~ I need to really think about this)

How could you describe this survey?:
슬픈다침 // Sad Promise - Davichi
(oh yes ~ that is almost right)

What makes you angry?:
사랑이야 // It's Love - FT Island
(who would had known, love does make me angry after all)

What makes you sad?:
다철꺼야 // I'll Give You Everything - Lee Seunggi
(I am sad because I had given everything to one person?)

What makes you happy?:
한 사람만 // Only One Person - FT Island
(that one person could actually make me happy)

What makes you dance?:
Family - Mighty Mouth feat. Son Dambi
(ah ~ I always knew my family will be the reason why I always dance around)

What is your favourite colour?:
Breakdown - Epik High
(huh? what color is breakdown anyway?)

How would you describe yourself?:
Diva - After School
(seriously? I never knew I am a diva myself)

Who is your worst enemy?:
내 오랜 그녀와 해야 // Things I Should Continue With Her - FT Island
(eh ~ what does this mean?)

Who do you hate?:
너울때까지 // Until You Return - FT Island
(yes ~ I hate that person until he comes back to me)

Who do you love?:
소원을 말해봐 (Genie) // Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) - Girls' Generation
(I love a genie?)

Who do you lust after?:
거짓말 // Lies - T-Ara
(so I lust after a lie?)

I wish:
잎술이, 청말 // Lips, Really - SORI
(what is wrong with my lips anyway?)

I want to:
8282 - Davichi
(what do I want to do with the numbers anyway, learn Mathematic?)

I want to kill:
어쩌다 // How - Brown Eyed Girls
(nice question ~ I want to kill someone, but how?)

I want to eat:
하루 만큼 // As One Day - Jung Jaewook
(nice advice, eat only once a day perhaps?)

I am:
행북 함니다 // I Am Happy - FT Island
(whenever I think about the six boys of FT Island, yes, I am very happy)

My best feature is:
Train - FT Island
(what train? I am confuse...)

My eyes are:
인영처럼 // Like A Doll - FT Island
(aww ~ my eyes are like dolls, so cute!)

My hair is:
나를 사랑해 // Loving You - FT Island
(I love my hair, yeay!)

My face is:
언재처럼 // Like Yesterday - JOO
(that's right ~ my face is exactly like how it looked yesterday)

You should:
Black Engine - Jang Geunseok
(eh ~ should I learn about engine or something?)

Words of advice:
U-Go-Girl - Lee Hyori feat. Natseon
(that's a very good advice ; you go girl!)

How do I see myself?:
위워두기 // Memorize - FT Island
(ah ~ look at myself by memorizing)

How do others see me?:
Again & Again - 2PM
(interesting, they should always look at me, again & again)