In one way or another I will rather choose not to discuss over the matter of first love. Generally it will be quite ironic for me who is quite a fan of all things romance to not to fond the idea of reminiscing the story of first love. I will however be able to give one explanation about this—my story of first love stretches out for thirteen years. Even my self will laugh when I think about how thirteen years might not make it a story of first love anymore.
First love—even with just the phrase it always manage to bring out a smile from me. It is that sweet sensation when you see one particular person, the ability to feel your heart burst with excitement. It is that sequences of time when you lay your eyes on that particular person, unable to look away. It is that childish excitement when you think about that particular person and the joy that flows with every idea of it. It is that pure and innocence feeling you never knows but manages to overwhelm you with more than a thousand of emotions. It is that experience when you feel as if you can remember everything—and nothing else but you and that particular person ever matter.
Lovely how everyone has different first love stories to share and tell, because I believe even the most ridiculous first love story lays that same pure feeling that everyone once experience. It is not about the end of the first love story that always matters—it is the beginning of it that makes it special.
Adults may refer to it as puppy love but even the silliest puppy love blossoms to the most beautiful feeling in the world a human could ever experience. It is that one moment in life when everything seems to slow down and no one could hear a long classical string composition that plays through your mind when you first lay your eyes on that particular person. It is that first experience when your heart seems to speak through your mind and tells you sincerely—this is my first love.
My first love story begins thirteen years ago and unfortunately it remains without an end. If I am to put an end to it after these thirteen years it will obviously become a sad one—because him who I love since thirteen years ago does not even remember my existence—but I am that selfish person who wants to treasure my first love story, even if it drags out to twenty years in the future. In the end I always remind my self that it is not the ending that matters the most, it is the beginning.
I encounter a chance to watch a 2009 Japanese movie by the title 僕の初恋をキミに捧ぐ (I Give You My First Love)—typically a loose adaptation of a Japanese manga by the same title—that deeply evolves around the story of a first love. I actually write a report on this excellent masterpiece for college and through it does I realize how much pureness and all sort of emotions flow through when I think about first love. It is that simple matter that has a big influence. I eventually finished reading the eleven volume of its manga yesterday and apparently, it teaches me more about first love and how it changes throughout our life. Through this movie do I begin to understand that the end does not really matters because a first love is a memory that you will remember for the rest of your life not for how it finally ends but for how you begin it and how you live through it.
Fortunately for me that my first love story is not as sad as the one in the Japanese movie but still I am grateful that I am able to experience a first love that I will remember until the very end of time. First love is that innocent feeling one will experience just once in a lifetime and yes I will treasure it. I want to remind my self that sweet feeling of falling in love for the first time.
I do not know why but I want to tell that particular person who I treasure as my first love for thirteen years—thank you for giving me wonderful first love story to remember and treasure throughout my life. Thank you for being that first person who makes my heart flutters and brings out the childish smiles out of me from time to time. Thank you for making me experience the wonderful years of able to see you and almost skip every beat of my heart. Thank you for your existence, because without it I will not be able to experience such beautiful first love story. Thank you so much for this memory. I wish nothing but happiness for you and your partner. I may still foolishly in love with you as I always will for perhaps another thirteen years in the future but do know that I am letting you go. I do not have any regrets for loving you. Even after all these years, I do not regret falling in love with you for the first time. I do not regret having you as my first love. Thank you for the memory. Thank you for the smiles. Thank you for the happiness. Thank you for the friendship. Thank you for the tears and even the sadness. But in the end, thank you for making me fall in love. Dear first love story of my life, thank you.
Now I feel like pathetic. No—please do not sympathize my pathetic love story, it does not worth any attention, really. I just need to get this out from my chest before it literally consumes me as a whole. It has been thirteen years after all. This first love story might one day have a life of its own.
But please remember this—it is not about the end of the first love story that always matters, it is how you begin it and how you live through it.
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