I do not think I will ever be able to understand a person thoroughly regardless how many years it adds up to a certain relationship. I may consider my self a fool or maybe stupid for this inability to understand this type of living creature God creates yet I will never bring my self to fully accept eccentric miens of different people I encounter in life.
Disappointment surely is a major issue in life. One is not quite a human unless it faces disappointment, it is the reality and yeah, even reality it self is quite a major disappointment—not that I am going anywhere close to admit that.
It is perfectly fine to express disappointment—especially when certain something fails to meet expectations—but to continuously express it eventually will hit the annoyance level. Surely it is alright to say what is on your mind or to perhaps, rant a little bit. I mean, to have high expectation on something and yet witness it crumbles into pieces a moment later is not quite a comfort feeling but to saying it continuously feels as if you are putting the blame on someone. You will make someone else feel guilty, even for something that is at no one’s fault.
Here is the thing.
I know she has damn high expectation over the original plan—alright, I do not blame her because obviously I do have my hopes high for the plan to eventually happen—but when it fails, it does not give her the full rights to randomly express her disappointment, even more continuously expressing it. She has to take in the consideration of the other people who has to cancel the plan. She has to consider the reason why someone has to cancel it. She does not have the rights to be selfish and expresses her disappointment in this inappropriate way. She makes everyone else—including me—feel guilty.
Damn it, I hate to make a rant post.
Reality is, I could perfectly handle bits of disappointment. It is fine; everyone is disappointed about something eventually. But to face this kind of annoyance when I suffer the same disappointment but does not make any ruckus about it is not a good feeling. I am sorry to say this but surely you are aware that someone else has disappointment too. You are not the only one, for God sake.
If you are unable to face this kind of disappointment, how do you expect to live a life out there in the real world?
God, I still hate to make a rant post but this is bothering me, when I should at least allow my self to relax now that fourth semester of college finally ends. I know it should not bother me much but I could not stand seeing this disappointment things going on around me when it should be just something anyone could simply forgets. God, why can’t you take it as casually as I do? Why do you have to take every single damn thing seriously?
How do you actually live your life?
This moment, I even refuse to see you, even more to read your name. I do not hate you, oh God, how could I ever hate you—but this is making me feel ten millions time horrible. I am a bad friend, I admit it my self but to watch you drown in this disappointment that supposedly to be nothing in the first place surely makes me feel as if I want to punch you. No, I want to shoot you with a revolver. I want to put a bullet—no, make that three or four bullets—into your brain and instantly kill you. No, maybe torture you a bit would be fun. I want to teach you a lesson about life.
Life is not only about your disappointment.
You do not live on this world all by your own.
It does not work that way.
I maybe the one who is taking this seriously but I do not mind. I obviously take everything seriously lately and if that annoys anyone, well then—fuck you. Fuck this life; fuck this reality if you would. I would not care because this is the place where I am able to say what is on my mind. I do not ask anyone to actually read. I do not do this for the worthless attention. I need to say what is on my mind to put me at ease.
This is rather a disappointment, and look at me.
I do not make any big deal about.
I just create a rant post for my self, end of story.
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