First of all, I have a lot to say lately. I have been a silent observer rather than an active speaker (this I horribly blame the MDJ203 Effective Speaking notes I have to diligently study). It is rather uncomfortable not to be able to write everything but at least, I want to let loose what I have been dying to write actually. That is the word—let loose. My words, I am going to say everything in my own words.
Dear young adults of whom I might know or not know (and do not bother to know at all) who kindly study in the same college as I do, thank you for becoming such nuisances for me lately. I understand that it gets pretty lonely to study in a college in this big man-eater city of nothingness and it somehow become necessary for everyone to couple up—I mean, to hook up with someone else—becoming such couples. I am pretending to happily smile as I write this—foolish me.
However, please know that I am a girl who comes from a very conservative family. Yes, you can call me outdated or weird or maybe just a plain nerd but I do not give a damn. You are not my competitor, you are not a competition. Of course, you want the whole college to know that you are happy with your partner (your boyfriend or your girlfriend, if you are stupid and oblivious enough to understand my words) but there is no need for you to flash your affection towards each other to every single human being. I mean, you can surely keep it all to your self. I do not need to know the way you hold each others hands or the way you kiss your partner. Seriously, there is no need to show everything. I really don't give a damn.
Surely each who reads this will think that I am just jealous because I don't have someone by my side to flash to every one else in college. The answer is however, yes—I am jealous. The reason is that yes, I do not have someone to flash to everyone else in college as my soul-mate whatsoever. Yes, I am pathetic. But surely your parents have teach you that if you are considering your self as a Muslim (or if you are still stupid, if your religion is Islam), you should know that there are laws regarding those skin-ship (okay, another standardized terms stupid people do not know—the gestures you do that involve skins—holding hands, touching cheeks, kissing, etc.). Of course I could tell you that I am jealous that you have a partner to walk by your self but no, I am not jealous that you have to add more sins to your endless list of sins now that you have someone and you are holding your partner's hands or kissing your partner or just simply do everything you want with your partner. I am not jealous—I am glad I don't have to carry such sins.
You could do anything you want with your partner somewhere else where the people do not really care to witness because obviously, I do care. I do not like to stain my eye-sights watching these people do whatever they want as if the college is their own private hotel rooms. We are attending the same public college, excuse me. Yes, I know that you don't care about what I think. And yes, even I do not freaking care about what you want to do. But hey, why bother to flash your affection towards each other as if someone else would actually want to see you and your partner together. Go and get your self a room if you really want to fuck up or something. College is not a place to let every one see what the hell you and your partner are going to do.
I know most of these people are Muslims—I am not practically stupid. Yes, we do not share the same grave when we die and yes, none of us share each other sins so I basically don't give a damn if you want to continue adding onto your sins. Please, go on and enjoy this temporary happiness on Earth. I am still a bit jealous that my life is rather lonely without a partner but at least I do not have to suffer the sins of committing skin-ship with a non-mahram. I am not that desperate, thank you.
I do not intend this post to any particular group of people. I am not good enough my self to lecture anyone but this is what I would like to write tonight. I do not care if you are going to bash me or to hate me because none of those are going to effect me—your words compare to my own are nothing but the tiny words appearing on the screen of my laptop. I could always close my eyes and pretend none of those exist. But this is what I want to write and what I have observed. My observations are not your to judge. I have my own mind, you have your own. Just fuck with your own mind and your own actions rather than to bother with mind. I do not give a damn, I do not even care about anything at all.
In the end, this is my blog. If my words are offending you big time, do not bother to read anything anymore. My words are mine, my words are what I write not for you to read but to satisfy my own self. Thank you if you do read this until the very end, thank you for keeping your curses and bashes all to your self. I appreciate your time and your conscience. Hey haters, thanks for bothering to hate me too.
If there will be no boys in the world care to be my boyfriend after reading this post, I do not care anymore. I am practically happy with my life as a single nerdy student who are in love with a celebrity who does not know I exist.
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