These Faults.

Maybe the day is coming so soon that my emotions are changing rapidly nowadays. I could get annoyed in one minute and cried a minute later. I hate the way my emotions changed drastically lately. I could easily get offended and I could easily fall in love. I feel like a sponge - absorbs everything.

This is not a good way to start a beautiful Friday morning. As much as I love Fridays, I hate to ruin it by knowing that things aren’t going the same direction as I am moving towards right now. Destiny just happened to go against my will. It makes me feel as if there is no use of wishing over a star anymore. My wishes are not going to be granted - everything just turned to be against my wills. I have stopped believing in the miracle of praying. No, the moon or the star could no longer grant my wishes. My heart and my belief are broken.

I know I am overdramatically making this a weird situation but I hate it. I want it for once, to go to the same direction I am going. I don’t know why I feel as if I was betrayed. Betrayal is a big word and I can’t say I like it.

found via MarcoFiorentini
I could no longer trust anyone. Trust no one and betrayal won’t happen. I want to follow that one simple rule in life. Trusting someone too much will make us feel attached. Being attached means that I am putting my trusts and my hopes on that one particular person until one day that person betrays me. I don’t want to be attached anymore. I have been attached to someone that we become inseparable; she later on left me as if she has never known me. I know the feeling of being ignored and abandoned - I feel it ever since I know what betrayal is.

Since I was younger, I have friends abandoning me as if I was a used paper they no longer need. I could provide a long list of friends who came into my life, made me feel attached and later left without a reason why. I have been hurt for too many times, I could no longer feel the pain. I couldn’t remember how many times I ran away back home from school and cried until I drenched my school’s uniform in tears. I couldn’t even remember how many times I tore pictures of my friends and I because they no longer care for me, as much as I care for each and everyone of them.

This is exactly why I am scared of being sociable. I am scared of being attached and later got heartbroken. I don’t want things to happen like this. I could no longer stand the pain after years of being betrayed.

I would not blame my destiny or God for my poor social life. I would never blame my parents for giving birth to me with such limited beauty that could be considered ugly. I would not blame the world for being cruel to me. I would blame myself for not doing a better job in becoming a teenager. I would blame myself for not able to stand in the same level as my other friends do. I would blame myself for not being as pretty as many boys would want their girlfriends to be.