life and the dramatic effects.

This And That Life I Own.

2012-02-09T00:28:00.001+08:00

found via weheartit
I have obvious reasons why I do not prefer if any of my classmates from college follow me on Twitter. It is not the case of arrogance or simply ignorance but this is a serious case of privacy. I am not quite fond of privacy when it comes to the things I write here but I am especially precise about what others will say when it comes to my Twitter account.

First of all, does anyone actually read the Twitter updates I have as my widget here in this solemn blog—because if anyone actually reads it, one will know more than what one should know about me.

I am practically an honest and open person when I am on Twitter. I would write about anything without thinking about the consequences. Yes, I would see your ugly sneakers and I will write shit about it openly on my Twitter account without the fear of you coming to me and butcher me down into pieces. Yes, I am that honest.

That is why aside from my Tumblr which is my ultimate secret life—Twitter is my second secret life. I am a different person when I am on Facebook and when I am at college. My classmates will only see me as a geek who reads and writes and wear boring clothes to class and does not care about anything else except to excel in examinations.

No, on Twitter I am not that person they see in college. I am a blunt obsessive fan girl who watches yaoi as if it is my daily drug. I am that girl who listens to Vocaloid as if those songs are my official crack. I am that person who sits for hours in my bedroom reading online mangas that range of melancholic tragic love story to gore psychological twisted murder cases. I am that oblivious girl who cares about nothing else but my interests in music and FT Island and anime and manga and yaoi—yes, I do like yaoi thank you very much—and all these things I do not want anyone to know.

So basically yes, I live two different lives. One is the clean-cut and conservative twenty-one year-old college student who is in her final year in college and the other is the obsessive fan-girl who is on her path to become an anime maniac who spends hours talking to herself about her love for fictional characters’ persona.

I want to make sure they only know me for the clean-cut personality I show, not the scary secret life I own when I am at home. I do not want anyone from college—aside from several who still manages to follow me on Twitter—to know how crazy I am over fictional characters. No, I do not need anyone to think I am scary and weird. I am already a geek. Don’t make me a weirdo too.

This may exposes the two lives I currently live in but who cares when I don’t have readers to read my updates anyway. I just need this to get my emotions out. I don’t care if I don’t have followers. I just want to have a place to return and be able to write my heart out.

Here Comes The Severely Sad Music Video.

2012-01-31T21:30:00.009+08:00

This is simply awkward but I really do not have any word to describe this music video—and this is not in the good speechless way. The song is fabulous and somehow reminds me of the 80s and 90s Malay rock ballad my older sister put on full blast through her car audio system but I could not say I like the music video. Everything looks perfect but does FNC Music really have to have FT Island rely completely on Lee Hong-ki? Not even a two second appearance by any other members? Not even just one of them to act as a passer-by in this six minutes music video? Someone should finish the ritual—every member of FT Island suffers greatly in their music video. When will it be Seung-hyun’s turn to get beaten up badly or just die in their music video?

But seriously, the song is good. I mean good as in marvellous.

This Is The Severely Teaser.

2012-01-28T10:37:00.000+08:00

Strangely this is the first music video teaser from FT Island that does not bring out the usual respond from me. I actually manage to watch through this forty-five seconds teaser without hyperventilating or even screaming. I find my self sitting on my chair calmly and watch it until the end before I immediately click on the exit button. I mean, my calm and emotionless respond surprised me that I am completely freaked out about this change. Seriously, I was showing excessive human emotions afterward when I was watching Inu x Boku SS and Guilty Crown more.

Anyway, back to the teaser—it is finally time for FNC Music to return the rock ballad times for FT Island. I have been missing their amazing rock ballads for years—but in return FNC gave us some pop rock which I still love and all but would not even compare to how amazing their rock ballads are. I am more excited about the song rather than the music video—probably because it featured Hongki again—and sorry to say this to all Hongki’s fan but he is overrated. I mean, come on. The band has five members—is it time to feature Seunghyun and have him killed or beaten up to death. It is a ritual. But then again, I am not going to complain much.

Full music video and mini-album will come out on January 31 and the comeback performance will follow on February 2. As for all of the comments I want to say, I will keep it after I watch the full music video and hear the full song. Regardless how emotionless I become while watching this teaser, there is always a part of my heart that I dedicate for FT Island.

Just For A Short While, Honey.

2012-01-27T00:06:00.001+08:00

Practically enjoying this semester break by distancing my self away from this home where I usually come to speak up my mind. I am welcoming 2012 and all its agendas with a smile—this is just me being awfully sarcastic lately—and wishing that everything is going to be alright. Life is moving forward as usual but I am still in the same position where I am before, because obviously I am not going anywhere.

Just here to put on a new media player—its volume gets really annoying at times so please put off your headphone when you come and visit my humble home right here. Getting off the Korean Pop train for a short moment to realize that there is a world of beautiful Japanese music out there that originally is my root before I come across the alien we all know as Korean Pop. Will get back on the Korean Pop train probably later but right now I am enjoying this life without the massive mass from the mainstream Korean Pop.

After All The Hard Work, Thank You.

2011-12-28T22:46:00.000+08:00

found via Flickr
It still feels somehow unreal that after all those hard works throughout this long and rough year, I finally passed the driving test and successfully received my driver’s license. It may sounded ridiculous to those who passes the test on the first trial but for me who have gone for the third time—it is still something that I thought would only happened in my dream.

Alhamdulillah, I have successfully finished the second course of the driving test on the third time. Well, I guess sometimes certain things really do take up to three times. I have not disappoint my parents again and finally made them feel somehow a little proud of this useless daughter of theirs. Hey, at least this time I did not return home from the test with a failure and actually brought back a proof that mentioned that I passed the test with my own effort.

Thank you Allah for this amazing year-end gift, especially for my parents because they have spent a lot of money and time to make sure I pass the driving test and Alhamdulillah, I have finally passed it. Although not with flying colors but at least I have passed it quite successfully.

No more learning how to drive and wasting my money to pay for the hours I spent learning to drive. I will no longer have to receive continuous phone calls by the staffs at the driving school and going to the test venue. Oh God, this is a very wonderful year-end gift I could ever ask for.

My last resolution for the year 2011—to get my driver’s license at the age of twenty and before 2011 ends—has finally been fulfilled. Alhamdulillah, now I am ready—well, just partially ready though—to focus my attention toward the upcoming final examination on January 3. Talk about the best way to ruin the New Year’s mood, is it?

Alhamdulillah once again for this small achievement of mine and next, I will be praying for my younger sister to pass her driving test soon.

It Happened Again, I've Lost Count Actually.

2011-11-29T20:52:00.001+08:00

found via what the hell
I do not quite have anything else to say because I actually do this every year for the past several years. I am practically out of words to describe my current feelings and obviously unable to sustain my irrelevant emotions. This constant disappointment perhaps has grown to be normal rather than just an abnormality most disregard. Well then, I shall direct you straight to the old post that obviously manages to describe my current feelings more precisely than any other words would right now.

You can read a harsh long rant right here or you could walk away and completely ignore the existence of this part of this post.

Before anyone actually throws hand grenades or shoots me down with a riffle let me state it right over here that yes, I do know that the overall sales counted into the votes and it is quite understandable that this eventually happened. But I have the right to say and write what ever it is that I feel like writing so yeah. It seems like none seems relevant except for my feelings. Not even yours I guess but well, I am sorry about that.

Dear First Love of My Life, Thank You.

2011-11-13T17:32:00.001+08:00

found via Near the lighthouse, there's my heart
In one way or another I will rather choose not to discuss over the matter of first love. Generally it will be quite ironic for me who is quite a fan of all things romance to not to fond the idea of reminiscing the story of first love. I will however be able to give one explanation about this—my story of first love stretches out for thirteen years. Even my self will laugh when I think about how thirteen years might not make it a story of first love anymore.

First love—even with just the phrase it always manage to bring out a smile from me. It is that sweet sensation when you see one particular person, the ability to feel your heart burst with excitement. It is that sequences of time when you lay your eyes on that particular person, unable to look away. It is that childish excitement when you think about that particular person and the joy that flows with every idea of it. It is that pure and innocence feeling you never knows but manages to overwhelm you with more than a thousand of emotions. It is that experience when you feel as if you can remember everything—and nothing else but you and that particular person ever matter.

Lovely how everyone has different first love stories to share and tell, because I believe even the most ridiculous first love story lays that same pure feeling that everyone once experience. It is not about the end of the first love story that always matters—it is the beginning of it that makes it special.

Adults may refer to it as puppy love but even the silliest puppy love blossoms to the most beautiful feeling in the world a human could ever experience. It is that one moment in life when everything seems to slow down and no one could hear a long classical string composition that plays through your mind when you first lay your eyes on that particular person. It is that first experience when your heart seems to speak through your mind and tells you sincerely—this is my first love.

My first love story begins thirteen years ago and unfortunately it remains without an end. If I am to put an end to it after these thirteen years it will obviously become a sad one—because him who I love since thirteen years ago does not even remember my existence—but I am that selfish person who wants to treasure my first love story, even if it drags out to twenty years in the future. In the end I always remind my self that it is not the ending that matters the most, it is the beginning.

found via Google Image
I encounter a chance to watch a 2009 Japanese movie by the title 僕の初恋をキミに捧ぐ (I Give You My First Love)—typically a loose adaptation of a Japanese manga by the same title—that deeply evolves around the story of a first love. I actually write a report on this excellent masterpiece for college and through it does I realize how much pureness and all sort of emotions flow through when I think about first love. It is that simple matter that has a big influence. I eventually finished reading the eleven volume of its manga yesterday and apparently, it teaches me more about first love and how it changes throughout our life. Through this movie do I begin to understand that the end does not really matters because a first love is a memory that you will remember for the rest of your life not for how it finally ends but for how you begin it and how you live through it.

Fortunately for me that my first love story is not as sad as the one in the Japanese movie but still I am grateful that I am able to experience a first love that I will remember until the very end of time. First love is that innocent feeling one will experience just once in a lifetime and yes I will treasure it. I want to remind my self that sweet feeling of falling in love for the first time.

I do not know why but I want to tell that particular person who I treasure as my first love for thirteen years—thank you for giving me wonderful first love story to remember and treasure throughout my life. Thank you for being that first person who makes my heart flutters and brings out the childish smiles out of me from time to time. Thank you for making me experience the wonderful years of able to see you and almost skip every beat of my heart. Thank you for your existence, because without it I will not be able to experience such beautiful first love story. Thank you so much for this memory. I wish nothing but happiness for you and your partner. I may still foolishly in love with you as I always will for perhaps another thirteen years in the future but do know that I am letting you go. I do not have any regrets for loving you. Even after all these years, I do not regret falling in love with you for the first time. I do not regret having you as my first love. Thank you for the memory. Thank you for the smiles. Thank you for the happiness. Thank you for the friendship. Thank you for the tears and even the sadness. But in the end, thank you for making me fall in love. Dear first love story of my life, thank you.

Now I feel like pathetic. No—please do not sympathize my pathetic love story, it does not worth any attention, really. I just need to get this out from my chest before it literally consumes me as a whole. It has been thirteen years after all. This first love story might one day have a life of its own.

But please remember this—it is not about the end of the first love story that always matters, it is how you begin it and how you live through it.

Dude, Thanks For The Annoyance.

2011-10-23T22:40:00.000+08:00

found via You Only Live Once
Shoot me or if it make you feel better, just come here and chop my head off literally because I do not fucking care about how you feel towards me. But this is seriously making me feel more like shit rather than anything else. Honestly, I do not fucking care. You can either hate me or do whatever you want but seriously, this is completely not something I should just ignore.

I know it is my fault that I absolutely love to finish assignments during the last minutes—I mean a day before the submission date or like thirteen hours before, something like that—but come on, I am not the only one who does that.

I appreciate it that you are taking a nice change—you are basically becoming the example student who attends classes regularly and does all things perfectly lately—but that does not mean you are have the complete right to say something to whoever ask for your help during the last moments before submission.

Seriously, YOU DID THAT A LOT previously. Need some refreshment with that rusty memories of yours, I assume? Why do not we go back to the days when you bluntly asked me to finish your summary lead assignment one hour before class started? I guess you could also remember the time you ask me to lend notes and stuffs like that several hours before examinations. Honestly, I did not give you the cold treatment like how you do right now. Did I chase away, NO. Did I say no to help you, FUCKING NO. Did I blame you for finishing your assignments during the last minutes, ABSOLUTELY NO.

Then what gives you the privileges to say all those hurtful things when it is MY TIME TO ASK YOU TO HELP ME WITH MY LAST MINUTE PREPARATION FOR ASSIGNMENT BEFORE ITS SUBMISSION DATE?

It is too fucking hard for you to just help me out? Is it hurtful to just give me the fucking notes you copy and do not mind whether I am able to finish it by the next day? IS IT TOO HARD FOR YOU TO JUST SPEND FIVE FUCKING MINUTES FROM YOUR SO-FUCKING-PERFECT-STUDENT LIFE TO HELP ME OUT WITH MY ASSIGNMENTS JUST LIKE HOW I DID TWO FUCKING SEMESTERS PREVIOUSLY?

Dude, this is the first time I used caps lock to vent out my annoyance towards someone and that fucking fortunate man is you. Yeah, you—the former class representative and so-seemingly perfect college student.

I never did say this BUT I AM FUCKING REGRETFUL THAT I EVER HELP YOU THAT DAY. I SHOULD HAVE NOT HELPED YOU AT ALL. I SHOULD NOT WRITE THAT STUPID SUMMARY LEAD FOR ANY OF YOU. I FUCKING HELP YOU AND FIVE OTHERS STUDENTS ON THAT DAY BECAUSE I WANT TO BE HELPFUL AND THIS IS WHAT I RECEIVED IN THE END? Is this how your parents teach you on how to appreciate others? I wish I let all of you got scolded by the lecturer that day.

I SHOULD NEVER MINGLE WITH ANY OF YOU FROM THE BEGINNING. This just hurt so much that I want to literally kill him. I am sorry but I hate you. YOU ARE NOT A FRIEND, IDIOT. You will never be my friend.

It Happened Once, It Happened Twice.

2011-10-17T17:29:00.000+08:00

found via Faded from the Winter
It eventually happened because of my eagerness in writing as much fan-fictions that I could that lead to this decision actually. I did this earlier—a couple of times to be precise—but I really do hope this one chance lasts forever. I may not have an ample time to run two blogs in one time but I will give it a try again. I need something to keep my mind off my crazy life after all.

六等星の夜 - Night of Sixth Magnitude Stars

So here it is again—my new creative writing blog where I post all of my fan-fictions and all sort of creative writings I write whenever I feel like writing one. You can drop a comment and tag me once in a while. Only one chaptered fan-fiction is currently up and it is still on chapter one. More one-shots and drabbles are coming soon. Please support me, do not bash me in any cruel way. I am practically just doing what makes me happy.

Choices Are Hard To Make, Sweetheart.

2011-10-16T16:45:00.001+08:00

found via under cover of darkness...
I hate it the most when I have to make a choice—I have to choose between this and that. It always feels as if it is the hardest moment in life to just think and choose. It is pleasant to have options in life but it seems that making a decision is not quite as pleasant as it sounds. I hate to think thoroughly about options I have—sometimes there are more than just two or three—and I always end up making the incredibly horrible choice. I know that everyone makes mistakes but I do not forgive my self easily upon a mistake. I will continuously blame my self.

It is apparent that my inability to memorize the nineteen Arabic lines for a subject in college is entirely my fault. The lecturer clearly gives ample time for us to memorize each line and I only spend a week out of the long period of time to memorize. I only memorize five lines out of the nineteen Arabic lines. I know I should blame my self but I refuse because I am stubborn.

I should recite the nineteen Arabic lines tomorrow in class by nine and here I am in my bedroom alone by my self—considering the choices on whether to attend class and allow the lecturer to kill me for not be able to recite the entire nineteen lines or to just skip class and pretend as if nothing really happen as I return back to class next week.

This should be an easy choice—if the lecturer is not getting on my nerve almost every week. I know it is her responsibility to say things about this and about that regularly in class as to remind us but she obviously does not have to become horribly sarcastic about everything. It is fine if she advices us nicely and in a proper manner but seriously, she could drop the sarcasm. I should be the only one with a delicious treat of sweet sarcasm.

I know that choosing the later option will influence my grade badly for this semester while I am already screwing up half of my grades for the other subjects. I am completely a mess in this fifth semester. I should not choose the later option because I do not want to be a bad example but I have no courage to face the sarcastic lecturer tomorrow and allow her to say whatever she wants about me when I have no space to voice out my opinion.

This deserves to give another thorough thinking. I should rethink about what I should do—should I continue to memorize the remaining Arabic lines or should I forget everything and pretend nothing actually going to happen tomorrow. I do not know anything anymore. Half of my friends who are taking the same subject but in a different class have already given up entirely and my other friends from the same class are thinking about the same option.

Should I really just give up and walk away?

I do not know what I should do anymore. I just want to bury my face in the ground or hide somewhere where reality will not bother to look for me. I just want to evaporate and choose not to make a choice. I want to disappear and allow no one to search for my existence. I do not want to live in this suffocating reality anymore.

Fly High Like The Birds, FT Island.

2011-10-10T13:57:00.000+08:00

I could not believe that I will skip class because of FT Island—the consequence of staying up pretty damn late to watch the new music video and listen to all the songs in the new remake album from FT Island make me wake up damn late to attend the morning class in college this morning. The class starts at nine and I find my self waking up at eleven. Yeah, this is like so fucking well to my upcoming grade.

Anyway, back to the original reason for this post—FT Island finally releases the music video for 새들처럼 (Like The Birds) as the title song for the remake album MEMORY IN FT ISLAND they simultaneously release on midnight of October 10.

Oh my God, what in the world is this perfection. It is not a lie that the five boys of FT Island are all pretty much perfect in their own personal way but for the sake of my fucking life—how could they become this amazingly perfect in such a short period of time. The image for the music video is so beautiful, I shed tears of happiness over this piece of perfection in three minutes and thirty seconds.

The original song is quite lovely by its own but the remake from FT Island makes the song a million times more wonderful. FT Island does all the justice in the world for this song—to be able to make an even lovelier song from a song that comes out before any of the members are actually born. This is the kind of song that sticks to your mind after just three to four times. It is smooth and upbeat, mostly a fun song to smile and dance along in whatever situation.

Have I actually mentioned how lovely Hongki sings and how it wonderfully blends in with the harmonizing raps from Seunghyun and Jaejin. I have no doubt that the three creates such a beautiful collaboration and a harmony that not all groups in this growing Korean Pop world would manage to create but this song proves that these three boys are perfect in terms of vocal.

I love how Seunghyun sounds stronger and more powerful in his rap nowadays. He sheds the image of a new member pretty well and he blends in with the flow of the music just perfectly. He raps smoothly in this song and makes a nice collaboration with Jaejin. Jaejin—he has such wonderful voice that it makes me want to cry every time he manages to have parts in songs to sing. He is good in the terms of vocal but his rap talent is incredibly good. As for Hongki—come on, do I really have to say anything about this powerful vocalist with his incredible vocal. His voice is distinctive and very powerful, he makes this song wonderful.

FT Island does justice for all the songs they remake, unlike some.

The music video, again—it is beautiful in terms of the cinematography and the colors and the overall video. It does not have an obvious storyline—or maybe not obvious enough for me except that five boys having a ride on a Jeep which a drummer kid drives while dancing randomly before they begin to run wildly across this empty desert and ends up with their instruments and mysterious sets of spotlights that appear out of nowhere. I am not the Director but I like this concept because it gives a free spirit sense to whoever watches it. Putting aside the usual heavily dramatic and emotional music video from FT Island—lets count the time we cry at the music videos of Until You Return or maybe Heaven and even the oblivious storyline of Hello Hello—this actually gives the boys of FT Island a bright and light environment, probably similar to how they are in the music video of I Hope but minus the romantic time travelling storyline. It is fun and light and makes whoever watches it want to join in the fun. Well, I know I want to be a part of that fun music video.

I do not give a damn about the controversial Jeep or anything. I only pay attention to the great music video and the song itself. As for the boys of FT Island—well, they are like the cherries on top of my favorite sundae. They give perfection and satisfaction, all in the same time—to my ears and my eyes.

What makes this music video fun is the fair share of camera time on each member—this time we could not see too much Hongki like how it is in the music video of Love Love Love or too little time of guitarist Jonghoon like in Hello Hello. We have ample close-ups shots for each member—with an exception of Hongki who of course snags most but who is going to complain anyway—and we have the opportunity to enjoy a solo guitar riff from leader guitarist. All fan-girls will not be able to complain anything now.

We have many eye candy moments to share around.

Most fan-girls and that includes me, probably miss the time when FT Island comes out with heavy dramatic and emotional music videos that make us cry and want to kill someone or just simply cut our wrist in exasperation—watching the boys severely beaten or just simply killed off by some villain we still have vengeance on—but to have a space to breath and just have fun in music videos are actually quite fun. The only time we manage to see them brightly smile or jumping around like the kids they will always be are probably in their Japanese music videos—the overdose of jump scenes in Let It Go and the swag moments in Flower Rock, who could forget. I give out my compliment to the director for this chance for the members to just let go and be free to have fun in this music video.

Yes, I have listen to all five songs in the remake album and yes, I have already point out my favorites. I do not know if I will have the time to write a review on each song but I guess it will probably happen within this week. I am not quite sure about the first comeback performance from FT Island—whether they will appear on MNET M!Countdown or not but I certainly know that they will perform on SBS Inkigayo on Sunday.

With the upcoming comeback from the girl group I still refuse to write in my blog because on certain reasons that piss me off big time and Secret—my new favorite girl group—I surely do hope that FT Island will eventually win something on music show charts. I miss the time when they have the chance to say out their acknowledgement upon a victory. Korean music world needs something that branches out from their usual Korean Pop bubblegum pop songs with dance moves that has somehow bore me—like the music from a band like FT Island. FT Island deserves to win. They deserve to win more than anyone else and I am sorry to say this to fans of other groups but they really need to win. FT Island needs to win.

Anyway, I need to perform my prayer right now. I will get back into considering the review on MEMORY IN FTISLAND soon. In the mean time, let us all pray that FT Island will have a huge success with this remake album. FT Island, all the best.

FT Island Says, "Like The Birds".

2011-10-06T23:54:00.001+08:00

Oh shit, thank you FNC Music for actually giving me a reason to update my dying blog. And yes, thank you the five boys of FT Island for making me want to write about your perfection again. Yes everyone, it is finally the time of the year—the time when I died, and came back to live, died again and still, return into the world of the living for the greatness of FT Island has shown.

FT Island is set to make a comeback after months of hiatus since their last release of mini-album Return, on October 10th. The band of five gorgeous members will release a remake album—Memory In FT Island—on October 10th and the teaser for the title song, 새들처럼—translated as Like The Birds—has been released on October 7th.

And yes, allow me to shine some light upon this perfect fifty-three seconds teaser. Dear every other entertainment companies out there—yes, I am talking to each and every one of you—please take example of how amazing FNC Music does with the teaser for their artists. They do not put in something that will ridiculously disappear in the main music video, some random music bits that does not even have anything to do with the original song. Learn how to tease properly like FNC Music does.

Good job, FNC Music. That was one hell of a perfect teaser that literally tease.

Next, let us talk about how gorgeous the boys look in the teaser. Song Seunghyun my dear, I know I practically want to kill someone when I saw your current hairstyle previously but now that I managed to accept with an open heart, I think it suits you perfectly. This goes to all of the members—Hongki, your curly hairstyle receives two thumbs up from me, don’t worry. As for Jaejin, I am so freaking thankful you cut it shorter. Even if it is still blonde, I like it. Leader Jonghoon, why do you always look ridiculously perfect? Please don’t ruin my bias list. And hey youngest Minhwan, God you look awesome.

Anyone wants to join in the troll session as I can’t get over Minhwan driving the jeep?

The song is a remake of a 1988 song by Byun Jisup. Yes, I have heard the original song and yes, it was amazing. But it was in a slower tone. FT Island just made it into a song worth the head-bang and the dorky dance. Yes, it worth destroying that controversial jeep. I don’t see the harm in it. Mr. Jeep Owner, you are a big time troll.

I still could not figure out a storyline, basically just a music video about a group of five boys cynically vandalize a jeep in the middle of the dessert while throwing random music notes and dance around like monkeys before they find their place with the spotlights and instruments to rock their heart out. Okay there dear Mr. Director, I see what you have there.

Now I demand the full music video to be released now.

How am I supposed to go through until October 10th without constantly raping the replay button on YouTube? I don’t feel like doing anything else and thank God it is already Friday here in Malaysia and the weekend is coming. I am going to continuously die with this teaser.

And hey, if there are news about how other artists are avoiding making comebacks in the same month as the girl group I refuse to mention in my blog because on some particular reasons is also making the so-called epic comeback this month, I can see that FNC Music does not fear this. FT Island is still going to release their album, may come whatever in their way.

It is not about the winnings on weekly music shows or the CD sales that matter, it is the gift they want to give to their fans and the music they want to do. I don’t give a fuck if they do not win anything. All I ever care is that FT Island is making a comeback. My whole family will have the weekly dose of FT Island on television with this comeback. Wait until I tell my mother, she will completely freak out.

The full music video is set to release on October 10th, along with the remake album.

Now, it is time to beg my mother to lend me some money to get this into my collection.

Takes A Month To Disappear, Darling.

2011-09-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
It takes me a month of procrastination to actually write something. I do not what I should actually write anymore, that I do not feel as if to come here anymore. I try hard not to ditch anything—I mean; somehow I still love this small space where I am free to be my self.

I spend too much time trying to make excuses to my self—I will not do any assignment because I am probably too lazy to even write the cover page, I will not move out from my bedroom because I do not have anything else to do in the living room, I will not wake up from my sleep because I need more time to sleep, I will not stop my interest in anime recently because it is the only way I do not feel alone in this world—and yeah, the list of excuses will continue. I do not find life to be anything near interesting anymore lately. I am basically alive for the purpose of the human shell that I continue to occupy.

Surely I know that I am probably becoming too melancholic with my own life and I am a little dramatic with the little downs of life but I need to say something—at some point, I am nothing but a time bomb. I am off to explode; I am just waiting for the right time to transform into pieces.

Fifth semester of college begins and here comes the hell in shape of assignments—it gets pretty ridiculous lately with the insane amount and type of assignment. I mean, I do know everyone does this but oh fuck, I hate this. I do not give any fuck to anything relates to college anymore.

In the end, I continue to rant about my life to bore almost everyone—if barely anyone who reads this. I will brush off this melancholic side of my self, which probably happens because it is currently raining and I am feeling a bit homeless to have to bring all of my things out from the bedroom and move temporarily into the living room at midnight to allow my younger sister to properly use the bedroom for sleeping purpose tonight. I hate this, seriously.

Anyway, good night world, I need to put a rest to my self too. Probably the crazy idea to skip class tomorrow would make me happier. Yeah, I will probably do that. Mom, I am going to skip class tomorrow. I do not feel like attending News Editing—the main reason would be that I do not finish my assignment, thank you.

Disappointments Are Not Yours, Not Ours Too.

2011-08-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

found via weallhavememories.blogspot
I do not think I will ever be able to understand a person thoroughly regardless how many years it adds up to a certain relationship. I may consider my self a fool or maybe stupid for this inability to understand this type of living creature God creates yet I will never bring my self to fully accept eccentric miens of different people I encounter in life.

Disappointment surely is a major issue in life. One is not quite a human unless it faces disappointment, it is the reality and yeah, even reality it self is quite a major disappointment—not that I am going anywhere close to admit that.

It is perfectly fine to express disappointment—especially when certain something fails to meet expectations—but to continuously express it eventually will hit the annoyance level. Surely it is alright to say what is on your mind or to perhaps, rant a little bit. I mean, to have high expectation on something and yet witness it crumbles into pieces a moment later is not quite a comfort feeling but to saying it continuously feels as if you are putting the blame on someone. You will make someone else feel guilty, even for something that is at no one’s fault.

Here is the thing.

I know she has damn high expectation over the original plan—alright, I do not blame her because obviously I do have my hopes high for the plan to eventually happen—but when it fails, it does not give her the full rights to randomly express her disappointment, even more continuously expressing it. She has to take in the consideration of the other people who has to cancel the plan. She has to consider the reason why someone has to cancel it. She does not have the rights to be selfish and expresses her disappointment in this inappropriate way. She makes everyone else—including me—feel guilty.

Damn it, I hate to make a rant post.

Reality is, I could perfectly handle bits of disappointment. It is fine; everyone is disappointed about something eventually. But to face this kind of annoyance when I suffer the same disappointment but does not make any ruckus about it is not a good feeling. I am sorry to say this but surely you are aware that someone else has disappointment too. You are not the only one, for God sake.

If you are unable to face this kind of disappointment, how do you expect to live a life out there in the real world?

God, I still hate to make a rant post but this is bothering me, when I should at least allow my self to relax now that fourth semester of college finally ends. I know it should not bother me much but I could not stand seeing this disappointment things going on around me when it should be just something anyone could simply forgets. God, why can’t you take it as casually as I do? Why do you have to take every single damn thing seriously?

How do you actually live your life?

This moment, I even refuse to see you, even more to read your name. I do not hate you, oh God, how could I ever hate you—but this is making me feel ten millions time horrible. I am a bad friend, I admit it my self but to watch you drown in this disappointment that supposedly to be nothing in the first place surely makes me feel as if I want to punch you. No, I want to shoot you with a revolver. I want to put a bullet—no, make that three or four bullets—into your brain and instantly kill you. No, maybe torture you a bit would be fun. I want to teach you a lesson about life.

Life is not only about your disappointment.
You do not live on this world all by your own.
It does not work that way.

I maybe the one who is taking this seriously but I do not mind. I obviously take everything seriously lately and if that annoys anyone, well then—fuck you. Fuck this life; fuck this reality if you would. I would not care because this is the place where I am able to say what is on my mind. I do not ask anyone to actually read. I do not do this for the worthless attention. I need to say what is on my mind to put me at ease.

This is rather a disappointment, and look at me.
I do not make any big deal about.
I just create a rant post for my self, end of story.

Dear Final Examination, Farewell.

2011-08-25T21:20:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
Final examination is officially over—it is time to throw the confetti, bring out the drinks and let us have the wildest party as I celebrate this temporary freedom. I do not think I have done my best for the three subjects I sit for the final examination—none could actually give me an outstanding grade, as far as I am concerned—but yeah, at least I did what I think I could. Not my best, but still acceptable.

Goodbye goodbye my dear fourth semester, it has been a short but fantastic journey for the past several weeks. It will forever be in my mind—how could it not when I spent hours finishing ridiculous 1000-words assignment for Feature Writing, building a Japanese castle model for three days and participating in a choral speaking for the first time since high school. It has been a wonderful journey while it last but when it is over, it suddenly feels better.

I do not feel like writing any longer. I am off to enjoy the night—No.6 anime is on at midnight, I must not distract my self from the beauty of this anime. I will try to post some appropriate things tomorrow or maybe later, but before Hari Raya which is in a few days’ time.

Final Examination Took This Weekend Away.

2011-08-21T10:23:00.000+08:00

found via Rich World Problem
I am sorry for the lack of updates recently. I know I will usually insert some lame excuses here—come to blame my internet connection or probably some lousy assignments that take up half of my time every day or maybe something else that will always bothers me, all the time—but I am going to skip that part and jump straight into the conclusion where I will usually state, this is when I need to announce my disappearance.

For this, I gladly blame the final examination which starts unfortunately, today. Out of all the days through the week, I have to force my self to drag my lazy ass to college and sit for my first final examination question paper on a freaking Sunday. Oh well, there goes my lovely weekend.

I am going to sit for my Feature Writing at one this afternoon so please, if you are reading this—of which I horribly think not—please send me all the good luck wishes that I need to at least do well on this paper. I need lots of luck and perhaps bits of fairy dust. I need magic.

The other two final examination papers—which are for Academic Reading and Writing and Critical and Creative Thinking will be on Tuesday and Thursday respectively before I amazingly begin my awesome semester break that will last until September 11. I fucking love my love; this is with an obvious sarcastic tone.

Anyway, since today is the birthday of my ~~husband~~ no, scratch that—since today is the birthday of the 16-dimensional face behind the amazing Good Morning Bob series, Song Seunghyun of FT Island—I am here to humbly wish this one hell of a perfection, Happy Birthday. Oh God, only God knows how much love I have for this amazing guitarist. Anyway Seunghyun, have fun on your birthday as Hongki already mentioned that your birthday cake will be on the stage during your concert today. I will definitely find my way to meet you one day, so prepare yourself for this crazy fan of yours. Happy birthday again, Seunghyun—and oh, do not forget to eat a lot and put some weight into your thin figure.

Okay, I am done with this nonsense. I am off to take a bath and pretend to memorize my notes. I still hope I could do well—if not well, at least able to answer all question before I could storm out from the examination room. Dear God, help me out. Dear people of Blogger world who I never know but yet still care to mention here, wish me luck.

We Are Definitely Not Rockstars, Honey.

2011-08-05T22:17:00.006+08:00

found via favim.com
It is not peculiar to say that I am crazy about a band with five freaking handsome members from South Korea who mainly assume that they are practically doing rock music although I could not completely consider their music in South Korea as rock but as pop rock or rock ballad. Whereas, if they are categorizing their music in Japan as rock, I completely agree—come and kill me, I do not care because listen to Let It Go or Flower Rock, even stupid people could say that are rock songs.

However, it is a bit peculiar for me to say that I am a fan of rock music. I do not really like rock music as an overall—I could not like the genre of music as an entire genre—and perhaps I have the least rock songs on both my Windows Music Player and my mp3 player.

I know I might scare someone out there—some friends or not—if I confess that I am a fan of My Chemical Romance and Panic! At The Disco.

The real problem here is not that whether I love or detest rock music. I like bands—I mainly like people who are able to perform and play their own music rather than just writing and composing it—and most of my attention in bands music is referring to the fact that I am a completely bias and die hard fan of that Five Treasure Island. But I would not tolerate if someone—cough, that someone actually refers to a friend who considers her self without my acknowledgement as my best friend, cough—tells me that I know nothing about rock music and talks badly about my favorites when I do not do any harm against her favorites.

Here is the deal, I have my own list of favorites and she has her own list of favorites. I do not care if she says she is a die hard fan of any rock bands because I would not care. I do not even bother to judge her because everyone has personal favorites. I respect her favorites and I will accept it with an open heart, God blesses my soul.

It just happens that she starts to get on my nerve—by judging me for the music I listen to. First, if she considers her self as my best friend—although I am not doing the same, because I do not need a friend like her, even more a best friend—she will not once talks badly about my Five Treasure Island. No, do not do that. I will definitely kill her, I mean it seriously. There is no need to say that my favorite band is no better than anyone else in the world of Korean pop. That is enough, I mean it literally. I do not need a friend—even if it is only her who assumes that—to say bad things about the vocalist and criticizes the songs from that band.

Now, I really need her to shut her mouth or else I will definitely murder her, chops her body and throws bits of it into some river and let her death unknown to the entire world.

I could take it if she hates the band I like but I do not need her to continuously talk about it. Never will I talk badly about the girl group she incredibly admire—cough, that girl group with so many members who are basically so popular I would not care about it anymore, cough—even when I completely detest that group. I will not try to do something that would somehow hurt her. But does it necessary for her to hurt me by talking badly about my bias? It is really necessary?

Now, as if it is not complete by just talking badly about my first bias, she continues to bash my favorites bands—My Chemical Romance and Panic! At The Disco. Oh girl, she is going way too far that I might one day kill her. Listen here, I have listen to My Chemical Romance way longer than the period she takes to listen to her favorite bands. I am a fan of My Chemical Romance since high school and I have listen to band music way longer than she does. She does not have the rights to criticize my favorites.

She says she likes rock music, okay—I am actually quite fine with that. But is she really does likes rock music, would it be more appropriate if she says she listens to some real rock bands—I do not know, maybe Scorpions (it is a bit more older than our generation but hey, the music is amazing that no argument is relevant when it comes to the scorpions) or maybe Thirty Seconds To Mars (could I say that this band is slowly making its way into my favorite lists for its amazing songs and music videos) or perhaps Linkin Park (my all-time favorite since high school, the years I spend screaming my heart out to all of its incredible songs) or something even more moderate like Simple Plan (ah yes, the times I consider my self as a fan, those times are the best still in my memory) and if she could listen to Tokio Hotel, Paramore or even the all-time Nirvana, that would be even better.

It is rather obvious that my interpretation of rock music is way different than her interpretation of rock music. Well, she does listen to that one band just because she is in love—maybe—with one of its member.

If I choose to listen to rock, I will choose a real rock band. I will choose a music that really reflects rock—hard and loud guitar riffs, songs that make me want to bang my head onto the wall or just scream my heart out—rock songs that are sort of like that. If I listen to something lighter, I will admit I am a fan of pop rock or rock ballad.

It still hurts to listen to her words and feel like murdering her every time she brags about her favorites yet criticizes my favorites. I am a pretender; I am good in putting up a façade to lie. I am still going a good job because she still thinks I am not harm to her life. Well, we will see up until where this will take me, girl.

And now, I am off to bang my head onto the wall with some My Chemical Romance previous hits. I still love all of its songs—even after so many years of becoming a fan. And perhaps after that, to soothe my aching heart, I will give my self a plentiful dose of some lighter rock by FT Island. I need some rock ballads, those songs will never do any harm into my life.

Not For Popularity, This Is Not Worth The Attention.

2011-08-04T23:29:00.000+08:00

found via INSPIRING-PICTURES.COM
I do not think I actually start my blog to become blog famous—I mean, I do not have any intention in building up popularity through my blog. I began writing on blog to be able to have one place where I am free to be my self as I am more reachable through words—if you understand what I mean—and I want to keep my blog as a place where I could freely write what I feel and like, rather than what someone else feel and like.

It is not honest to say that I am perfectly okay with anyone who feels like becoming blog famous. It just that I do not walk on the same path as any other bloggers—I do not write to grab attention, I write to express my intention. I do not detest the population that feels like they want to become blog famous—because none of it has anything to do with me—but if the link to their blogs are literally flooding my timeline on whatever social network website I am currently on, it somehow gets on my nerve, seriously.

I know you are a blog famous person—oh yes, I do sometimes click on your blog whenever I feel like I should read the words you have properly written—but to have it flooding my timeline is rather sickening. You could post it once, I get it. You might post it twice, I could still understand. But trying to post it for at least five freaking time, oh you got to be fucking kidding me.

Hands up, I am not the rightful person to say anything about this. I am not judging anyone—even if I do, I will be do the judging all by my self, no verbal need—but your sickening routine is making me sick in the process. It is fine if you want to become blog famous and I do not feel the same but please be more considerate than someone here—I am waving my hand sarcastically at you—does not bother to look at the link of your blog for more than two times in one night. You can post as much updates as you like but is it appropriate to post it five to six times on my timeline, all in one night?

It will be a lie to say that I do not once feel as if I want to be blog famous—who would not like popularity, right. Yet when I discover that some of my friends could actually find this haven of mine and read all the words I genuinely write from my feelings and emotions—it feels like a betrayal. This is my safe haven—this is the place where I could always come back to write whatever I want and like. I do not need people to stalk or to read my updates. I am not hungry for attention or popularity of stats number. I just want to be free to write. I do not want people to judge. I do not want to be blog famous. I just want to be my self.

I could not and might not be able to write to satisfy someone else, ever. I am a person who writes what is on my mind. Why would in a million years would I bother to write about what someone else want to read? I am not calling for readers, I am not seeking for popularity or comments. I just want this to be a place where I could write—putting aside my horrible grammar and vocabularies, fuck them all—the place where my emotions are visible in words rather than voice. This is the place where I feel as if I keep all of my memories and bits of my life—I do not need someone else to read and judge. Even if there are readers—I thank you all from the bottom of my heart—they are just readers and they do not judge me. Do not judge my words, do not judge me and do not judge my blog.

I am not blog famous.
I am a writer in my own tiny little world.
This is my wonderland and perhaps I am still the Alice of this tiny wonderland.

I am not pointing this post to anyone out there who is blog famous. Keep up the good work, dear blog writers. It is okay to taste the sweetness of becoming blog famous. I am not with the major flow; I am on my own tiny world. I am that minority that hides in my own safe haven. You are welcome to read and to share my experiences in life as I do what normal people will do—I will not stay all optimistic about everything. This is a blog for expression and freedom to write whatever I want and like. I am not blog famous—I might never be one, forever.

This is my life and the dramatic effects.
This is my safe haven.
And this is still my wonderland, I am the Alice and I am the only one.

Invitation To The Boring Life, Again.

2011-08-03T09:55:00.001+08:00

found via Brainless Tales
This is not actually an official come back announcement—as if I am some idol stars that deserve to have the long-awaited come back, sigh—but I kind of miss this blog. I miss trying to express my ideas into words to write down. As if anyone ever actually read my blog—which I highly doubt—I finally realize I always have one place where I could go back and just become my self instead of someone else.

When I begin to write down the words to express my self, I feel as if the blog says, welcome home.

With this, I am officially giving my self an end to the indefinite hiatus. I am officially back—not that anyone really care, but seriously, even I do not care if anyone ever read this blog of mine because if they do, I will be really uncomfortable—and I will be back into writing details about my life and this air I breathe in as I share it with everyone else who walks on the surface of the Earth.

Even after so many times, to begin to write will always give me the feeling of welcome home.

Along This Beautiful Journey.

2011-07-20T21:36:00.005+08:00

J O U R N E Y
Mark Turbyfill (1896 - 1991)

found via weheartit
Life is more sweet than I
Knew: the shifted scene
Less wavered, more trimmed with light,
Than the years before.
Look down. People pass over the ice
As a file of thin ghosts creep,
And fade beyond the hill.
You, and you, and you--
Small souls, shrinking away.
And you, and you, and you,
Bearing lights in your hands,
Approaching eternally..... Life is
More sweet than I knew.

Until Next Time, Sunshine.

2011-07-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

found via Baby Voodoo
Excuse me while I take some time off this suffocating living space and off into my world of unlimited possibilities. This is however, still not a suicide note. I am too coward for that. I am not worth to welcome death by its own. I am just practically killing time, not my self. I will return, in hope with a brighter self. I have been in this dark circle of mood lately. I need some sunshine, period.

Forgive me for this useless drabble.

I Would Care Less, I Would Not Care At All.

2011-06-27T11:08:00.002+08:00

found via Ooh, but don't mention love
I could not understand the students in the private college I am currently attending—they do not come to class regularly, they do not show any corporation in doing assignments and projects, they do no obey any rules and they actually expect to excel in the final examination without obtaining the NC grade or fail the whole subject by itself. I mean, this is actually funnier than any comedies I could watch.

Here is the drill—I know that this is a private college. We do not have strict and cruel rules like the ones in public universities. But that does not mean that we could practically do whatever we want in our college life, right? I mean, we still have to attend classes daily, we still have to participate in projects and finish our assignments, we still some loose rules to follow and obey. This is college anyway, people.

I do not want to suffocate my life with all these matters because I could care less about your grades. I have my own grades to worry and to take care about. The last thing I need is to take care of yours. I am not going to lose anything if you are to fail. I just need to make sure I do not fail too. So remember, the next time you fuck up your grades and obtain fail, do not come and complain about it to me. Blame it on your self, losers.

If you do not show any effort to make your grades better, why would you expect your grades to magically become better? There is nothing wrong in getting whatever you have paid for. You do little work; the college administration is off to give you little pleasure. I hope you learn your lesson. I am not here to fix your problem. I have my own problems to care about.

The next time this happen, I am not afraid to completely ignore you. As I say, I have my own ugly little world to take care of. I do not have to take care of your nasty little world too. If you are off to fuck your grades right now, go on and continue doing an excellent job with it.

Don't Like Me For This, Don't Like Me For That.

2011-06-23T08:45:00.000+08:00

found via explainmeplease.tumblr
You know what will be the first sign that your Thursday is probably going to be a bad one? When your parents start to point out all those flaws you have for the first time in your twenty years of life. It feels awkward at first when the two people you truly believe will accept you for who you are will never complain about these flaws that you practically try to hide from everyone else. But later, it starts to hurt—pretty badly.

My mother scolds me about the way I speak. She says that I am too rough for a girl. She says that I need to low down my tone and speaks gently. It feels as if someone just shoots me through the head with a rifle. At first I try as hard as I could to accept the complaint—because obviously she is my mother—but later when she continuously talks about it, I start to feel the pain. I mean, for twenty years she never once say anything about the way I speak. If she knows that this is how I speak since the day I manage to actually speak properly, why does she say nothing and waits for twenty years to finally say it out loud?

I love my mother, yes. But I hate it when her words start to literally hurt me. I appreciate that she wants me to change for the better, but the way she says it hurt the most. I do not mind anyone else to scold me for the way I speak, but when it is my mother who scolds me in a way that she never does before, I practically wish I am the one who holds the rifle in my head, ready to burst my brain with its bullets.

I am twenty years too late to change the way I speak. I guess the best solution to this problem is to just stop talking for a while. No one will have to listen to the roughness of my way of talking. No one will have to listen to the high tone I use while I speak. I will not offend anyone. I am safe in my own ugly little world.

As if the world is off to rub more salt on my bleeding wound, my father finally complains on how I dress to attend college daily. While I am putting on my seedy sneakers, he tells me to put on something nicer. I say that wearing my nicer shoes mean that I have to walk for a kilometer in pain because my other shoes are practically not for walking. He says that I need to look pretty for college—much like how flashy my younger sister looks when she goes to her college.

Sigh, I am a journalism student. I am going to be a writer. I could not run or walk around in some uncomfortable flat shoes that will give me blisters or some nice high-heels that will practically kill my feet. I could not put on my sandals because my dad already asks me not to wear sandals to college because I will look as if I am going to the market instead. And now when I put on the most comfortable sneakers I own, my father complains that I look shabby.

I wear t-shirts and sweaters and dark colors clothing to college. I do not have a wide range of clothes because I am not a small size girl—I am the one who buys the size L or XL while shopping for clothes. I wear whatever makes me comfortable. I spend one day in college. Why would I want to look as if I am off to a club to flirt with boys? I take the public transportations to return home. I walk for a freaking one kilometer from the bus stop to my house. Why in the world would I ever want to wear something that will make me look like a whore and makes me want to undress my self as soon as I leave the bus?

It seems like it is wrong to be my self lately. I am sorry for not able to be that perfect girl everyone expect. I am sorry that I offend many people because I am trying to be my self. I am sorry that my imperfect existence practically annoys anyone in this space I occupy. I am sorry.

This Time, Let It Go.

2011-06-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

According to my pessimistic side, it seems like FNC Music is trying to squeeze every fan of FT Island out of money by the end of this year with all these continuous releases—not that I am here to actually complaint about it—but considering the previous releases that I have not yet been able to actually buy, I might as well be homeless and moneyless for all these good releases by my favorite band.

Okay, enough about that. Let us all refer to the nice video I attached to this post.

It has only been a month or slightly more since the previous release, Hello Hello—but the fabulous Five Treasure Island is off to release yet another amazing release. This time, the five boys of FT Island are going to release Let It Go—yes, another Japanese single. The thirty seconds teaser for the upcoming release is out and fans are allowed to hyperventilate. Please do, I have already did my part.

Why does this bring so many memories of Flower Rock and Brand New Days? Do not get me wrong, I love their Japanese releases but nothing beats their debut single, Flower Rock. I am still in love with every bit of that rock song. Let It Go brings back that rock feelings, I feel as if I want to jump along, even just through the thirty seconds teaser. The Japanese record label does not actually give interesting storyline to the music videos by FT Island but beggars can’t be choosers. I will take whatever they are going to give.

I am a happy fan as long as the song and the music video have enough ear and eyes candies.

God, the boys have killer schedules. They are off to perform their Goodbye Stages this week on all music shows and will begin the Summer Tour in Japan for one whole month. In the same time, they will release Let It Go, and of course will go on some promotional work. In August, they will be back with a concert in South Korea—although I am still taking this is as a rumor—and probably an Asian Tour, of which, my pessimistic side still say that Malaysia will definitely be off the list—again.

FT Island, do you think you do not have enough fans in Malaysia?

Anyway, let us all have our fingers cross for the wish to actually happen. I am going to sell my brain to see FT Island live in concert. Yes, I will do that without hesitation. As for now, let us all pray for FT Island—for their health and for their success. It does not matter if they do not win first place in any music shows in South Korea, we all know Japan loves our FT Island. Let them kill the Oricon chart this time, God blesses them.

Hey There Lecturers, Hey There.

2011-06-20T17:02:00.001+08:00

found via weheartit
I know, God does not always give you all the things that you want and like in life. I understand it better than anyone else that it is probably close to the proximity of zero percent for me to actually have lecturers that I do not feel as if I want to strangle her or him every time I see her or him in all the subjects that I am currently taking for my fourth semester.

First of all, I love the lecturer for the Academic Reading and Writing. I have disastrous memories with my previous English lecturers but I do not think I will have one with this subject. I mean, I actually like her—a lot. She is not as fussy as the one I have in second semester and she does not bore to me death like the lecturer I have in my first and third semesters. I do not think I could ever hate her.

As for the second, I also love the lecturer for Critical and Creative Thinking class. She is a Malay lecturer and a nice one too. I have encountered several Malay lecturers that I actually quite like for the previous semesters and I like this particular lecturer as well. I could be that I am studying Critical and Creative Thinking as she allows us to be more creative in answers we give in class. I am enjoying her class so far—which is a good thing, because I do not feel as if I want to hang my self to death during class. Good, this is actually good.

Well, this fortunate event of meeting all these nice lecturers discontinues the moment I registered for the Features Writing subject. This subject supposedly taught by my favorite lecturer, who unfortunately resigned during the end of my previous semester. This semester, this one particular subject is being taught by none other than the lecturer who previously taught Reporting and News Writing classes.

Oh, hi there disaster.

I will try not to rant or to bash him but I could not bring my self to actually like him. He is nice yes, but the way he teaches in class annoys me. He does not actually teach anything but to tell us stories that I do not actually care. Who wants to know about his acquaintances when I should worry about the notes I need to remember for the final examination. I appreciate that he wants to share his stories but too frequent is not good. I mean, once a month would be nice but do I need to listen to his stories that have nothing to do with the subject I am currently taking?

God, please save me from this hell ride.

I could have like Features Writing subject—because unlike Reporting and News Writing, it does allow me to be freer in writing. I could write in ways I like rather than to bind with formats. Ah, if it is not because of the lecturer, I would terribly love this subject. I am sorry, but at this point there is no way I could probably like this subject anymore. I could already develop hate and resentment towards it.

God, saves me from this ten weeks of disaster for Features Writing class. I do enjoy my other classes but please reduce the annoyance I have to face on every Monday. I know it is terribly wrong to hate the lecturer when he believes that he does no wrong but I could not bring my self to like him or anything that he teaches. Who comes in fifteen minutes late for class and without starting the lesson, he gives the first assignments for another fifteen minutes and ends the class soon after that. I mean, I love to leave early but without learning anything, it is like a visit to the convenient store.

Okay, I will try to calm down and pretend nothing really happen. I will learn to like this fourth semester. I need to make sure I am able to maintain the grades I am currently holding onto for this semester as well. I need to get a hold over things—especially over the resentment I develop for Features Writing. I will like it, I hope so.

Now I just need a time to sigh and bang my head on the wall in desperation. It is probably too late to drop the subject and to register another new subject. It is too late to do any more changes and now, I am off to suffer another eight weeks of pure annoyance throughout Features Writing class. God, please save my poor soul.

Still, if I do not die of annoyance by the end of the fourth semester could someone kindly enough shoot me with a rifle and allows me to die in peace rather than to hate anything else even more?

This Crazy Life, My Crazy Life.

2011-06-16T10:30:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
I don’t know which one is crazier—the fact that I have classes to attend for five days in a week from Monday to Friday or the fact that I have no more time to give my self a proper rest that I will eventually fall asleep while standing up during the ride back home through the LRT train. Okay, I officially announce that my life is completely crazy as soon as I started this forth semester in college.

The torturing wait at the administrative counter has blissfully ended. I walked away from the hell hole with a schedule that made my stomach twisted into a tight knot and my head spun like a top. You have got to be kidding me—I have classes on every freaking day through the weekdays. That is like going to work, as if I love my college so freaking much that I have to come to this hell hole every day. The only good thing in this matter is that this forth semester is a short semester—I could assume this hell-hole ride will end shortly. Let us all have our fingers crossed for that, shall we?

I am still drafting my daily schedules—take the LRT train back home, wait patiently for the bus to arrive at the LRT station, hitch a ride on the local bus to the nearest stop to my neighborhood, and walk like an idiot through the lonely path into my neighborhood with heavy heart. Would someone actually shoot me to death if I do not die of naturally by the end of this month, please? Please make it less painful as I have already live through one painful life for twenty years.

I need to get my self a pair of freaking good shoes for all those walks I am going to go through. Someone please buy me more clothes because to actually go to college for five days a week eventually made me wear all those clothes in my wardrobe. I do not want to be that nerd girl who wears the same clothes every week, seriously. Please buy me a better bag—a bag I could fit all of my necessities—my laptop, my purse, my notes, my pencil case, my mp3 player, my headphone, my other stuffs and if possible, a guitarist with red pants and an alter ego by the name Bob would be nice. Bob, get into my bag. Or if it is possible, get into my bedroom and stay there. Yes, you should stay. I am locking the door, Bob. Wait a minute, what the hell am I talking about right here?

But seriously, I need a freaking guitarist from the Five Treasure Island who sexily wears red pants and live inside a hole with his guitar and sometimes talk random English to be in my life—in my bedroom, right this instant.

Oh God, I do not even have time for my treasure boys anymore. I have limited time to access the Internet, even more to do what I do the best—becoming a fan-girl. I could no longer scream at my laptop screen upon watching videos of the boys. I do not save tons of pictures into my folders anymore. I do not hug my pentastick to sleep any night anymore (okay, I am being exaggerative, I do not do that). What hurts even more is that they are ending their promotion so damn soon. What the hell, FNC Music. They are only back for a month and now you are sending them back for a Japanese summer tour? Why do you FNC people love Japan so freaking much? I need my treasure boys in South Korea, idiots. I do not want them to go on tour and end their Hello Hello promotion so freaking fast. My mother needs her dose of Hello Hello every week. My nephews need their Hello Hello dosage every week too. What the hell, just make them Japanese already if you are forever taking them there. Japan, I envy you.

I miss that time when my Tumblr dashboard almost breaks because of FT Island when they released the music video teaser and the music video itself. Where have those precious times gone?

I need to get my allowance faster—I have Return mini-album and the Beautiful Journey DVD to buy as soon as possible. I could no longer wait for anything else. College is catching up to my life and if I lose this battle, I will lose my pride as a loyal fan girl of FT Island. I am going to die. Come on life; just give me a chance to be my self again. I will not ruin my life, but reality is possibly ruining mine.

Memories In Bandung, Indonesia.

2011-06-05T23:46:00.001+08:00

Yes, it was one of the most amazing experiences in my life to have the chance to have a family vacation in one of the most amazing places I ever visited in my life—Bandung, Indonesia. It was an incredible trip, thank you for the memories, Bandung. I will love to spend another week in Bandung, Indonesia anytime. In fact, my family is already planning for our second trip to Bandung, this time probably with the whole family altogether.

Tangkuban Parahu, Bandung.

Hot Water Spring.

Batik Shop.

Pasar Baru, Bandung.

Kartika Sari Bakery, Bandung.

Rumah Tas and a Factory Outlet in Bandung.

Goodbye Bandung, Indonesia and Hello Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Blame This Laziness, Thank You.

2011-06-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

found via DollieCrave.com
I should be updating this boring blog but I have not been in the mood to update anything. I thought I should make a post about my amazing vacation in Indonesia but still, I am too lazy to upload the gigantic pictures. I am such a lazy blogger, please forgive me.

Yes, I thought I should make posts about the amazing comeback performances from my lovable FT Island boys but even for that, I am too lazy. I keep on watching their performances but I could not write anything out of it because they are absolutely flawless. Boys, why must you be perfect all the time?

College is set to start and I am dreading over this reality. I mean, I could possibly love it if the holiday gets extended—I do not mind staying at home. I am not going to die of boredom like some of those people from my college—seriously. I love to stay at home and mourn over my lack of social skills.

I have so many things to write yet I am so lazy to even start. I will work on some updates later, probably when the spirit to write returns. I am also busy with my art activities lately, as I should spend more time off the laptop. I will be back soon, very soon. Please do not miss me.

Comeback Performance One, Flawless.

2011-05-26T20:05:00.000+08:00

I HAVE NO WORDS TO SAY EXCEPT TO TYPE IT ALL OUT IN CAPS LOCK TO EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT OVER THE COMEBACK PERFORMANCE OF THE FLAWLESS FIVE TREASURE ISLAND. I DO NOT CARE IF YOUR BIAS IS BETTER THAN MINE, I DARE TO SAY MY BIAS IS HUNDRED TIMES BETTER THAN YOURS. ALL FIVE MEMBERS SANG, MY LIFE IS PERFECT, GOD. FT ISLAND, THANK YOU FOR MAKING THE WORLD SUCH A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A REASON TO LISTEN TO YOUR WONDERFUL MUSIC, THANK YOU.

Choi Jonghoon, Lee Hongki, Lee Jaejin, Song Seunghyun and Choi Minhwan; thank you for being such perfections. I do not care if I have to wave my pentastick sadly at home and watch the comeback performances one hour late, or I have to spend three days away from the Internet and miss three of your upcoming comeback performance, I just want to thank you for this wonderful experience you are giving me as a fan.

Hello Hello is such a flawless performance, I could not even find a word to describe it. FNC Music, thank you for making the boys of FT Island perfect. God, thank you for creating such perfect five human beings in this world. FT Island, thank you for the good music and the fan service. I will go and have my vacation in bliss right now.

I AM STILL GOING TO USE CAPS LOCK TO EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT OVER THIS AMAZING PERFORMANCE. I STILL DO NOT CARE IF ANYONE ELSE IS BASHING OR HATING THEM, FIVE TREASURE ISLAND IS THE BEST. GO TO HELL, HATERS. THEY ARE AMAZING AND US PRIMADONNAS KNOW THAT THEY WILL BE AMAZING FOREVER. YOU GUYS A PERFECT, PERIOD. ENOUGH CAPS LOCK, THANK YOU FOR THE PERFECTION. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE, GOD BLESS MY SOUL.

I am off to my vacation in bliss and calm right now.

Everybody Say Hello, Hello, Hello.

2011-05-24T11:09:00.001+08:00

BREATHING AND BEING ALIVE ARE IRRELEVANT, THE AWESOME BOYS OF FT ISLAND ARE BACK WITH HELLO HELLO.

I have died, got back to life, died again and was revived just in time to make this update. My favorite boy band has finally returned with such an amazing comeback song, Hello Hello.

FNC Music, although I am expecting the amazing guitar riffs in this song and music video, I am completely grateful that for once, you managed to give an amazing song to the most amazing boy band I ever encounter in my life. I mean, I love this song to bits. The lyrics and the rhythm—they are no longer just another boy band with mellow ballads. They start to sound darker and more into the rock genre, finally.

Although, I do not mind if they take out the bridge part, the one that goes everybody say because it sounds so much like their junior counterpart. I mean, the whole sound is totally different from their junior counterpart but that particular bridge makes them similar. I love FT Island sound, it is more define and sounds rock better than the junior counterpart but the bridge makes it all similar. The bridge however, could act as a fan service—imagine how the fan chant will be—it will be awesome. The verses are amazing—remind me more of My Chemical Romance, but slightly lighter. The chorus is well made; it got stuck easily and easy to remember.

The music video however, I am still in the process of interpreting it into my own understanding. You are allowed to share your opinions about it though. I am guessing that Hongki died, trying to save the rest of the band. But I am not sure, it sort of feels like a déjà vu or an imagination. Or is it the other way around, the four of FT Island died and the vocalist is outside, watching.

But oh my God, no one has ever look as sexy as Seunghyun in a tight red pants. And there is a goat on the fire truck, Jaejin—who sits there amidst of a fire like a boss. There needs to be more Jonghoon and Minhwan though, I mean—look at Jonghoon’s guns. Since when does he have such great guns, I am drooling over it. I dare to say this Hello Hello era is the best era for the five boys of FT Island. No disastrous hair and even the blonde ones look good. I love the styles they are putting on, a bit more stylish that before. They should keep this look for a very long time, I approve.

I love the cinematography of the music video and the creativity too, congratulation Mr. Director. I love the appearance of all ethnicity in this music video too—I mean, I see Caucasians, Asians, et cetera. If you wondering where they are filming the music video—and if you answer New York, you are wrong—they did it all in South Korea itself. I saw a picture of the filming site on DCGallery. They manage to fool you with the New York Fire Department, Flaxton Street.

I am willing to break my piggy bank to buy RETURN mini-album because the songs are amazing, all of it. There are no mellow ballads, just upbeat, rock songs with a sweet sound tune among the five songs. I am going to break my head to get my hands on the mini-album.

The Return of The Five Treasure Island, Almost.

2011-05-20T03:59:00.001+08:00

And you are expecting me to actually study diligently for my final examinations—well, I am proud to say that you are all just absolutely wrong. How am I supposed to focus on my studies when I have difficulties in breathing upon what happens to be the most hyperventilating forty-six seconds in my life, seriously.

Congratulations FNC Music, you have successfully teased all fan girls of FT Island around the world, you probably has no idea that some of us just have our brains exploded due to the excitement.

I approve this instrumental teaser and I double approve the hotness that goes along with it—I mean, what will be better than the boys of FT Island to be good boys turn bad boys. Honestly, who does not need a dose of those delicious music and overly dramatic music videos nowadays. I need those and much more, like freaking right now.

All hail the comeback of the black nail polish.

Dear Song Seunghyun, I do approve you and your red pants. Yes, you have heard me right; I approve you in this music video. All I need now is the full music video, because I am already hyperventilating over the reality that this music video might just have dramatic storyline—and yes, I need that instantly. I am anticipating a rap to be inserted somewhere along the song, yes please.

This is an eye rape—if that is even a word—and the song will soon be an ear rape.

Right now, I could not think straight. FT Island boys made me says the weirdest things—they bring out the eccentric vocabularies I own.

Okay, I need to get back to study—although it is three in the morning here in my place. I could not concentrate, because all I could think about is how long will it takes to be on the May 24. FT Island, I need you right now.

I am already molesting the refresh and replay button, to think about the full music video to release on May 24—I might just rape my own computer that day.

This Is Hardly A Farewell Letter.

2011-05-19T19:24:00.002+08:00

found via deluxebox
I am not in the mood to blog lately—despite that I have lots of things I want to say and rant out. I mean, this has been one hell of a month, seriously. I am just too lazy to take my expressions into words. I am just plain lazy, it is that easy.

I do not like to give indefinite hiatus, with the final examination going on right now and my job as a loyal fan girl to FT Island is just about to start on its full mode once the music video teaser releases tonight before midnight—but here I am, apologizing for the lack of updates.

Probably some time next week, as soon as I finish my final examination and gets into a full mode of a fan girl for the comeback of what seems to be the best idol band in the whole wide world—or probably just to me—I will try to give my self a proper update. I am such a nutcase, a lazy one too.

I should start to revise my notes or at least pretend to study for the papers tomorrow, instead of squealing like a maniac, hyperventilating over the comeback of FT Island with four more hours to wait until the release of the music video teaser. ~~FNC Music, f8ck you if you ruin my favorite idol this time. Excuse me for my words.~~ Do not ruin my high expectation for my treasure island, FNC Music. I will seriously go on a killing spree if the song is not good enough or the music video is not as how I expect it to be. Don't you even dare, FNC Music.

That Letter To Her Father.

2011-04-28T22:45:00.004+08:00

Call me a sentimental freak or whatever names there are for someone who just values everything minor thing that happens in life—but I always feel that whenever I have a ride on the motorcycle with my father, who drops me at college and picks me up almost four days in a week, I feel like that same little girl that my father always pats on her head with a smile. I feel like I am his little girl once again—though I do not longer have my arms around his waist for security—but I feel closer to my father.

And I do not want to talk about how distant the two of us have become over the past few years.

found via weheartit
Surely, no father would want a daughter who grows up too fast that he could no longer reach for his baby girl. I am that girl—unfortunately—of who has pushed my father far beyond the extent of just being his little girl. I admit that once when I was still in my innocent childhood, I sincerely want to grow up and marry someone exactly like my father. At whatever ages we are before we reach ten year-old, most girls believe that our fathers are the best men in the world. Our fathers are better than any superheroes in comics or animations. Our fathers are better than any firefighters—unless your father is a firefighter—and even better than any presidents in the world.

At those tender ages, we see our world through our fathers—back then, they are our superheroes.

But I grow older, I start to mingle with lots of different people through high school and college, I start to change—and that change includes the way the communication between my father and I. I do not like him to pat on my head and says that I am his good little girl because that will be embarrassing. I do not want my father to hold my hand if we ever want to cross a busy street because that will make me look like a ten year-old fool. I do not want my father to appear anywhere I am because it will be awkward to be around my friends and finds my father somewhere—sort of stalking me. I push my father far from my poor social life and teenage life.

But now that I am legally reaching the two zero age, I start to think that maybe if I stay as the little girl my father loves to tease and tell jokes to would not something that is completely wrong.

I mean, at whatever age I am, my father is still my father.

I do not why but this transition from the little girl who does the weirdest things in her life—and do not ask me what are those weird things I ever done because I will be a freak show for everyone if I ever tell anyone, seriously—to the girl who talks about handsome boys and college and the latest fashion trends who do not spend much time talking with her father anymore is just something that bothers me a lot. It maybe just a problem with me or probably something normal that every girl goes through, but I do not like these spaces I create between my father and me.

Basically, I know that my father misses me—the old me—of the girl who does the weirdest things yet still the talkative young girl who runs around the house after teasing my younger sister all day long. He misses that—he misses his little girls. My older sister is in her thirties, I am officially entering the world of twenties in approximately seven months whereas my youngest sister is becoming eighteen in three months—surely my father feels that his daughters are growing older too fast in front of his eyes.

God, I do not want to even know how that feels— not unless I become a parent my self.

So if you are drifting away from your father upon getting older by a year throughout your life, do not be like my self. Stay close to your father because he is the only superhero who will love you and protect you with all his life—of which I do not know if husbands would do the same, since they are only a family member of yours upon marriage—and the only person in the world who will see you as his little girl regardless how old are you. Hey, it is a good thing to stay young even if just in your father’s eyes.

I am going to fix this relationship with my father, not because I feel that I need to—but because I feel that I want to. I would love to be his little girl for the rest of my life, because I know that he will always love me, and I always do love him too.

Her Solitary Welcomes This Unrequited Love.

2011-04-25T23:06:00.001+08:00

found via beautifulphotography
I do not think that this is a good thing—to actually allow my self to fall in love yet again. However, I do not have a complete control over my own feelings which is somehow a little frustrating because I could not know when it will eventually happen. Yes, I have to admit that it would be nice to once again fell love—because it has been quite a long time since the last I feel my heart beat faster and my mind only thinks about one person.

But why is it that I always end up falling for the one person who loves someone else instead?

This boy—or should I assume a man—is a friend, not the closest yet not one of those distant friends I could categorize as an acquaintance too. He has been bright and lively—a complete contrast to the solemn and quiet person I am. I like that I could smile and laugh with his presence and does not feel as if it is a burden to do so. I do not have to pretend not to be my self with him; I could completely be my true self.

It just happens that he has a girlfriend—I know, I would take the blame because I do not care anymore. He introduces his girlfriend not long ago—beautiful indeed—and one of the nicest acquaintances I ever meet in my life. I could not understand why I could fall for someone who already has the perfect one in his life. I always end up having this feeling all by my self.

He sometime makes me feel as if I am not complete because to be with him makes it obvious that we both come from two different worlds. He has this group of friends around him, the ongoing type with fantastic social life whereas I only have a small group of friends around me, the quiet type with miserable social life. The way we both grow up are different, we both have different perspectives. Yet when he sits next to me, I could feel genuinely happy. I could laugh and I could smile. He would make me feel as if I am the happiest person ever.

I could not understand my feelings anymore.

I would want to be that one person he loves, but I could not be that person when he already has someone else by his side. I am always that girl who looks silently by the side, keeping my feelings all by my self. I am always that loser who could not express her feelings, because I am a coward. I fear the heartbreak that will follow suit. I could not stand a second heartbreak; I could crush my heart this time if it ever happens.

Regardless the pain, it is actually nice to have someone to dream about at night and to think about when I miss him. I could not remember these childish acts when I fall in love but I could admit that I like it. I like it when I could close my eyes and smile to my self when I remember the funny things he says or when I sing to my self and secretly dedicate my serenade to the person who would not listen. This is funny—but I like every little detail about it.

I would make this feeling the same way as my previous feeling happens. I would ignore it, and when the time comes, it will all disappear. I do not want to hurt any feelings except for my own. I do not care about pain much, but I could not stand to watch others in pain. This is a temporary crush, something that will go with time. I would grow another year older and the feeling will soon fade away with other memories. I will keep it while it is still sweet, as a reminder of this beautiful feeling I would call as love.

However, I would not be afraid to admit this by my self—I think I love you, boy.

Erase These Imaginations, Pretty Please.

2011-04-24T20:47:00.003+08:00

found via Emily Caroline
I may be experiencing a load of free time lately that I found my self sitting in the same swivel chair in my bedroom in front of my laptop more than any other days in the last few weeks. However, I could not say that I favor this leisure because I have been spending my leisure time reading way too much fan fictions—and no, I am not spending my time reading some normal romantic fan fictions—I am reading all those yaoi (boy and boy romance thingy) fan fiction, with tons of smut scenes that is suffocating my imaginations.

I scared my self too lately, and this is absolutely not normal.

Okay, this is not normal. I am straight, yes—and I write straight fan fictions. I have all these fictional female characters pairing up with the male characters in all of my fan fictions. But this new hobby appears to be an occupational hazard. It just happened I came across all these yaoi junks while searching for some ideas.

Oh God, I have stained my virgin mind completely. I have all these weird and strange images in my mind that I need to freaking erase immediately. Although I have to say those writers who write yaoi fan fictions are good writers, amazingly good. They write better fan fictions that any writers who write normal romance fan fiction. I could not believe I am saying this, but way to go people.

I am not going to write any yaoi fan fiction in the future, please do not worry. I am not into all those stuffs if it means I am the one writing it. I like reading it—please don’t judge me, please—but there is no way I will write one. No, it will not even happen in my dreams. I just need to get the dirty images off my mind immediately so that I could start to work on my own romance fan fiction—with straight relationships indeed.

I should stay away from reading any fan fictions temporarily to fix this mess.

Laziness Gets In The Way, Seriously.

2011-04-23T12:48:00.000+08:00

This is my current situation, as I sit in the living room of my house, doing literally nothing but wish I could have an awesome Saturday.

This Is The Friday Post, Thank You.

2011-04-22T23:56:00.003+08:00

While finishing the assignments earlier this week, a big mess.

The terrifying week of endless assignments has successfully ends—with only one group assignment to finish and I off to enjoy weeks without burdens until final examination comes in mid-May. Less than a month to go, yet my notes are like a bundle of masses—lots of papers, too much to even fit my shelf.

Bad news people—I dropped my laptop for the first time in my life, ever. It tragically happened during Reporting class last yesterday when I accidentally dropped my laptop which was switched on—I was busy editing my fan fiction in class, which calls for a punishment does it. It just dropped off the portable desk and I heard all this gasps from my fellow classmates. Thanks for the horror, people.

My baby Samsung playing Satisfaction MV on replay throughout the whole night.

God, I feel like I want to cry, literally. Thankfully, the class has carpeted floor and the height from where the laptop fell was not high or else, I would cry my heart out. My dearest Samsung R439—one of my bundle of joys in life—please forgive me for accidentally dropped you. Don’t go against me, please. I need you so freaking much, you are an addiction.

It is Friday people, which mean presentations for Effective Speaking class. We have to do persuasive speeches this time and I have chosen a campaign for my fellow classmate to follow—the No Plastic Bag Day campaign. I feel like a complete nerd for choosing such environmentalist’s topic. Anyhow, I did quite well this time and I scored a nice 75 marks out of 100 marks—which is satisfying enough when I did most of the presentation with a blank mind and continuously reading from my speech text. The lecturer reminded me to communicate more with the audience. Yeah, I will do that like, never. I have poor social skills, remember?

The new speech text I managed to print on the morning of the presentation like a boss.

The comments by the lecturer regarding my presentation, 75 marks out of 100 marks.

However, the attendance for this speech is devastating. Only ten people were presented and we all finished our speeches in approximately one hour and a half perhaps. How frustrating, for those who dream about achieving all those ridiculous dreams, you have to at least show an effort people. Success does not come by it self. If you can’t commit to such things in college, imagine how you would face the career world soon? Get a brain in those small heads of yours, people. Stop with the day-dreaming and think straight in reality please.

I was supposed to meet my fellow group-mates today but one of them said that she could not join due to health problem thus, the meeting was cancelled. I was left to be stranded in college for approximately six hours like an idiot. It was a boring experience and I did not eat a single thing since the early morning. I have to drop my bag in the car when my dad arrived to pick me up from college and rushed to the Seven Eleven to get my self something to eat.

Big bowl of Sambal Sotong, Ikan Cencaru Goreng and an instant noodles, all for my self.

Ah, the lack of meals forced me to have such heavy dinner to redeem the hunger I sustained while sitting alone in the cafeteria. I could not leave my table because I have my laptop on and I was by my self. I could not pick everything up, go to the counter and order my self a nice bowl of noodles and return back, set up the laptop all from the beginning. I would be like an idiot. Yet I am still an idiot who sustain her hunger like a maniac one whole day.

I am off to enjoy the weekends, people. I am putting Satisfaction single album on repeat on my Windows Media Player, on the play-list of my mp3 player and on the media player in my mobile phone. The track Friends is a pure addiction, it is my new crack and my new ecstasy. Call me crazy, people. I do not care.

Not Quite The Monday Blues, Honey.

2011-04-18T21:39:00.002+08:00

It has been quite a stressful day for my self—I can’t quite explain but yes, I am completely exhausted, thank you very much. I have been struggling with my assignments lately and I have ignored my own self to finish all the shit—excuse my language—for the sake of my grade in the end of the semester. I am suffering constant headache, stomachache and the lost of appetite. On a brighter note, here I am on a diet mode without even trying to starve my self.

I have to submit all the shit for Reporting and News Writing by this Thursday which mean I have approximately two days to finish all the shit like some kind of crazy maniac—as if I enjoy this torturing journey. However, the lousy lecturer has kindly gave us lots of hints for the final exam which reduced the burden of studying like crazy for final exam less heavier than it was before. Thank you, oh my God. For once, the lecturer did something meaningful for us—his students.

Out of the ten news stories, I have successfully wrote four of which I spent about two hours inside the basement café of my college this morning to finish. I am such a lazy student, I know. I have yet ten more summary leads to write and three major assignments to write to be submitted altogether on this Thursday.

The usual group of friends were absent from today’s class as if they have planned it wonderfully. Great for us who lazily dragged our selves to attend the class, we now have hints of what we would answer for the final exam, as well as what we should focus on more. Meanwhile those lazy assess would not know a thing about it because I am going to be selfish to those who are using me all these times starting from today. But yes, those who are kindly enough to help me before will be receiving help from me don’t worry.

I realize I need to be really selfish in surviving this cruel college world. I could not pretend to be the good girl and suffer the consequences all by my self. I am tired of covering up for other people’s mistakes and doing what they should do. Instead, I am living a life of my own right now. I do not care about others—except for those who care enough to care for me—I don’t even give a damn whether they are going to be alive or dead. You guys and girls set up this whole cruel world where I am the one who suffered, now live in it because I am getting my own ass out of it, thank you very much.

I am contemplating on whether I should attend tomorrow class of Principle of Advertising because I am not feeling quite normal right now. Seriously, I have this annoying buzzing sound in both of my ears and my head is ten times heavier than ever. I am skipping dinner because my stomach does not feel good at all. I am not sure what the hell is wrong with my self right now but all I can think about is just getting some good night sleep and I will let my self in the morning tomorrow to decide whether I would attend class or not.

I need to get back to my assignments, even though all I could think about is my dreamland.

Hey Monday, Go Away.

2011-04-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
It is ridiculous to think that I would be able to finish all assignments by the incoming week. I have assignments for each of the five subjects I am currently studying in this third semester. Lecturers are actually enjoying this art of torturing students—well, maybe just me in particular—of which I do not find it interesting in any way at all.

Let us start with Reporting class—the class of which I do not understand why I have to take for this semester. The lecturer is already giving me a headache and the assignments just make me hate everything about this subject even more. Seriously, I do not find any joy in this one particular subject.

The second subject is News Writing—in which has much similarities with Reporting class—including the lecturer. I got confused between these two subjects most of the time and I can’t even differentiate the two of them apart. I am sorry; I have completely given up on this subject too. To think that it is possible to finish ten news in one night and another three assignments—I must be crazy.

The Principle of Advertising group assignment is in a completely another dimension. When I have to work with people, I tend to work in a different mode. I found flaws in their works which I could not bluntly tell them about it. I tend to hate the way they do their work and wish I could do everything instead. I hate it even more when the one particular hateful girl is doing one of the major tasks in this group assignment—of which I believe she will screw it up big time, and I will have to repair the damage my self. Fuck it, bitch. I hope you do a good job or else, I will kill you, literally.

I need to be ready with presentation slides for Effective Speaking class and I have yet to choose between two topics—Earth Hour campaign or Saturday-Free of Plastic campaign. I can’t choose one right now and I have less than five days to submit the speech text to my lecturer and present my presentation on Friday with confidence. I am not confident, seriously. I need to do everything and it is stressing me out.

I wish I don’t have to wake up at six tomorrow and attend classes. I just want to hide underneath my pillows and cover my ears with my earphones with my favorite songs blasting through the speakers as I drift off into my dreamland. I need more sleep—I fell asleep almost everywhere and in any positions lately. I need to give my body a break, even for one day. I need it; I need it so very much.

Although I believe that these assignments will only end after I finish sitting for Final Exam in May.

I do not want Monday to come because the arrival of Monday means the arrival of a new week, some bunch of new things to be learnt and revised and it also means that a new bunch of assignments to be given out. I hate Monday—I mean, almost everyone else hate Mondays too. I do not want to wake up tomorrow. Monday comes in less than two hours. I need to wake up in less than eight hours. I have one thousand and one assignments to be done in that period of time—crazy I must say.

Cheers to Life and What Comes With It.

2011-04-13T22:16:00.001+08:00

found via sixtiesstills
Blame the disappearance of the wireless internet connection or just my plain laziness lately, but I could not bring my self to post any update on this blog of mine. I apologize for the lack of updates that add up the boringness into my boring blog. I am such unexplainable blogger. However, I would also like to blame my self for not finishing much of the assignments that are starting to freak the hell out of me. I mean, I know that everyone else has assignments to do but mine are like—a giant storm of nothing but assignments. I have to do a freaking library research of which I don’t even understand what does that actually means.

I have also been doing a lot of shopping lately that it is absolutely unsafe for my financial situation. I am not rich enough to continue with this torturing hobby. I should stop, literally. But could I stop when I live in an area where everywhere I turn would be shopping malls with things I want to buy. Come to think about it, it will never help me. I even blame FNC Music for this problem. How could they produce the single of FT Island and in less than one month, ready to release the band’s first Japanese full album and now, dearest vocalist, leader and rapper have successfully teased us fan girls with vague possible comeback—which means a new Korean release. More money, I have to say.

Here will be the part where I attach the part about how I hate some people that inhabit my living space right now. I mean, I could have like them but they make me hate them even more lately. They are doing things that make my life hard, as if I do not have a hard life in the first place. They are occupying the spaces in my life that I should have used to do something else. I need to get rid of them but I could not find a proper way. I need to disseminate bugs, you know what I mean. Get the fuck off my life, desperate people. I do not need any of you, seriously.

I have been thinking, am I ranting a little too much? But I like it, because it gives me a way to express my anger. I need a space to breathe and let go, and now that this quiet habitat of mine is no longer just the habitat I own to my self, I am considering the option of creating a new living space for my self. I need to rant more to become a better person. I mean, who would live better while keeping all bad things to one self, anyway?

To think about tomorrow and the probability of suffocating my self with the presence of the one particular hateful girl who is literally making me feel like I want to kill her during a group discussion scares the hell out of me. I am thinking of any escape options. I am crafting some sneaky reasons to excuse my self from tomorrow and the hell that will come with it, but that will only make me look bad in the eyes of the other two friends in my work group that I dearly like and do not mind spending the rest of the day with.

Should I think about a way to make that hateful girl excuse her self from the work discussion instead?

Five Treasure Island And Its Satisfaction.

2011-04-05T13:00:00.001+08:00

This is actually a surprise—FT Island has releases the music video for their latest Japanese single, Satisfaction on April 5. I remembered that the teaser was released just a little less than a week ago. Anyway, I am not going to complain about it because I like my satisfaction to be sent in early too.

The slow-motions scenes in the music video of Satisfaction must have been the slowest yet the best slow-motions scenes I have even encounter in my life. These slow-motions scenes give a fan girl the perfect moments to stare at the perfections of these five gorgeous boys. Although I have to unwillingly agree that the music video is a bit dull and slightly too simple, but—God saves me—the boys have never look as awesome as they are in any other music video but this one.

Satisfaction—the song is a better improvement than their last Japanese single, So Today—which has to be my least favorite Japanese single from them since their major debut in 2010. I am sorry but I don’t really have So Today as my daily dose of FT Island. I would skip that song most of the time, sorry. But this has a nice anime feeling to it and considering that it is an ending theme for an anime currently, who would argue about that. I love the amazing beat and the flow of the song from its beginning to its end. One thing I particularly like about Satisfaction that it has fair flow of the voices from amazing vocalist Hongki, Jaejin and my absolute bias Seunghyun. I like his rap parts; it adds some edge and funkiness to this song. It gives somewhat an energetic feel to it.

I do not do Japanese translation because I have ditch my Japanese lesson years ago so I will not complain much about the lyrics. Based on observation though, I hear not much of English words but the word Satisfaction in the rap part. I like that it does not have some random English lyrics here and there (in reference of Flower Rock and my favorite Brand New Days).

As for the appearance and the eye candies of the music video, I would have to say that this has to be the most normal yet absolutely amazing appearances of the boys of FT Island that I have ever see. I like this, simple yet it brings out the awesomeness of each member. Although I am missing the blonde on Seunghyun lately, I could not agree more than his current black makes him looks younger by five years. I love his blue jacket, someone please buy one for me. I also like what leader Jonghoon is wearing, it brings out the leader charisma—of which I do not know why I feel it that way. I approve Hongki and his hair, with no extra rant attach.

Jaejin makes putting on a jacket looks so amazingly sexy in the slow-motion scene. It is not easy to make something easy looks sexy but Jaejin pulls it off. I was staring at the screen of my laptop like crazy over the slow-motion scenes. I already expect Seunghyun to do something no one else will—jumping. But hey, he must be the coolest person to jump and looks good simultaneously in a slow-motion shot. Good job, my favorite guitarist. One thing to rant though is the lack of drummer Minhwan and Jonghoon in this amazing music video. Come on, directors tend to have this flaw from one music video to another. Why can’t you satisfy all us fan girls?

Now that I am complete head over heels for this song, I am considering the option of buying the single. Although with the news that FT Island is going to release a Japanese full album—with their previous hits and new song s include in May—I am also thinking about just buying the full album instead. But if I could stare at the perfect album cover of Satisfaction all day long like an insane fan, why would I take the time to wait anyway? I believe FT Island will have it big with Satisfaction, now that it reflects their awesomeness plus it is featured as the ending theme for anime Toriko. Good publicity never hurts, and they are awesome in their own ways anyway.

This Satisfaction, Sweetheart.

2011-04-03T21:22:00.002+08:00

I feel like a freaking proud mother and this ending theme gives me the most satisfying one minute off my plain and dull life, period. This one-minute tune is going to be hummed by me all the time from now on until its release.

Escape All Reality, Sucker Punch.

2011-03-28T16:41:00.002+08:00

Call this a new madness or just a plain new hobby of mine but I think I love this thrilling ride of watching movies whenever I need an escape off my reality. I have finally found a slight hole in my busy schedule for me to escape and watch Sucker Punch after much consideration since its premiere week. I thought, if I continue to hesitate to actually just go and watch the movie, I might not be able to watch it at all. I should just drop everything I am holding on to and just get some two hours off my life and just go watch this movie. The deal is that the movie worth every minute I steal from the twenty four hours off my life.

found via weheartit
Sucker Punch is basically an action-fantasy movie—like Alice In Wonderland but minus the insane characters and the bunch of random colors thrown here and there but replaced by girls in sexy outfits and machine guns and all sort of weapons a man could possibly imagine. I am not really good in trying to describe this whole situation, you should just try Wikipedia. I know that usually it would be the males who are practically excited over movies with hot babes and as much guns as they could find in one movie—but I do not know why I am excited for Sucker Punch too. I guess I am weird in all the wrong way—not that I have mutual interest with any of the female casts. I am just a fan of things that are creative and beyond imagination.

Baby Doll—of whom I assume the main protagonist—is send off to an asylum after the death of her mother and the incident that caused the death of her younger sister. In the asylum, she encountered an altered reality just before a lobotomy procedure. Her alternate reality consisted of her as an orphan, sold to a brothel and she is scheduled to be sold to High Rollers in five days. Surely Baby Doll met the dancers of the brothel—Sweet Pea and her sister Rocket, Amber and last but not least Blondie. Although most girl did not actually get along with Baby Doll well, except Rocket, they soon became friends who planned to escape by searching the four things they needed to escape the brothel while Baby Doll mesmerized everyone else with her somewhat passionate dance and entered her third alternate reality—a world where she became a fighter with her fellow friends and fought against all sorts of machinery and creatures.

It basically tells a tale about a girl and her alternate realities, as it has been the only way she could escape the cruel reality that she has to undergo lobotomy and suffers inside an asylum after the death of her family. She met friends who are brave enough to follow her and her escape plan.

Personally I think that the movie is creatively produced. I mean, who would have such imaginations to create a movie like this. The storyline is rather clean and neat although for some who might not think much while watching movie, this could become quite a question. I like how it plays around with our minds, to dig deeper into as much alternate realities a human could posses. I love that it transform a reality into another reality that is sweet and promising that no one would ever want to leave. I don't know what the director thinks when he directs this movie but I like the way the movie flows until the very end. I even like the way it ends, the way it twists our thinking and finally presents us with an ending that is rather almost perfect.

Honestly, I like the character Amber by Jamie Chung and Sweet Pea by Abbie Cornish. It is not that I do not like the character Baby Doll—it is just that I don't like to like the main protagonist that much. I love how Amber has her own sense of insecurity and how Sweet Pea is defined as the toughest and the one who have control over her self. I love the way Sweet Pea made her self strong and brave for her sister, Rocket.

The music featured in this movie is amazing—the song Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) performed by Emily Browning is currently my new favorite original soundtrack song off the movie itself. Who knew such cute actress could sing nicely in such song. Throughout watching the whole movie, I am partially interested in most of the songs featured in the movie. The songs used fitted the mood of the movie just nicely and it created a more intense feelings while watching it.

Overall I do think that Sucker Punch is quite a good movie for a fan of any action-fantasy movie. I mean, where else could you get a movie with hot babes running around carrying machine guns, swords and all sort of weapons and kill creatures and machinery. Even my lecturer agrees that this movie is one way of escaping reality for a moment it self. I dare to say, I am listing this movie as one of my favorite action-fantasy movies. You should spend some time off your reality and go watch this movie too, I bet you will like it as much as I do.

Beautiful Day, Saturday.

2011-03-27T20:25:00.002+08:00

Mid-term examination is officially over and although I could say goodbye to mid-term examination, I could not do the same with the assignments that continue to suffocate my living space. I am in an urgent need to free my self from this irritating mess.

found via Facebook
My fellow Journalism friends and I while waiting for the other friends to finish answering their News Writing examination paper outside the class, on the corridor of our college. We do not usually do this, no one would ever see us sitting this lazily along the corridor of the college during our free time. This could only be done because it was Saturday and no one comes to college on Saturdays except for examination and it was already late in the evening and everyone has left, except for us.

The final examination paper—News Writing—ended on Saturday and instead of going home and doing the usual boring routines of any boring Saturdays, I willingly followed my other Journalism friends to their outing for Photojournalism class. And yes, I do not take Photojournalism subject this semester. It happened that we are quite close to the lecturer and we did not mind taking the monorail and walked to Bukit Bintang to see how the outing was really done.

found via Facebook
Half the Journalism friends and I in front of the fountain outside Pavilion Kuala Lumpur with our lecturer; he is the man in the middle wearing a red t-shirt and a ZARA leather(?) jacket. He looked as if he was one of us, just slightly older but still, looked as if he could perfectly fit in with us and not like he is our lecturer. He is the only reason why my mom said yes when I asked for the permission to tag along the outing. He is a lecturer, my mom would not ask anymore.

It was an awesome field trip—bringing back the memories when I was younger and went to a field trip with my school mates. I learned a lot about photography—although I do not take this particular subject. I am officially registering for this subject next semester with my fellow friends who do not take it as well. I have fun watching those friends who are taking the subjects working with their DSLR but the best was that we managed to spend the whole evening with our out-going lecturer. Most people will not believe he is our lecturer. He looks like one of our friends.

Yesterday was supposedly the Earth Hour day but it did not seem to happen much in Bukit Bintang or Pavilion. It still looks extremely bright with lights all around us when we are about to leave. I can't never believe that I walked around Pavilion at night with my fellow friends. It was awesome, thank you very much. Although some complaints from the friend who I can't name were extremely irritating, I managed to stay calm and pretend nothing happened.

I got home with LRT with my other three girl friends and took the only taxi left at the train station home. It was already passed nine and almost ten when I finally reached home. My mom was extremely worried about my whereabouts, even more when she knew that I will be taking a taxi home. Fortunately, nothing bad happened and I safely reached home before ten. Thank God, I only ended up with some blisters thanks to my gladiator sandals of which I will never wear to college ever again. I know I should just wear my sneakers yesterday but my younger sister told me not to.

Hey friends, let's do this again. Although it is bad for my finance—the train tickets, the meals, the other things—but I feel happy when I am out with all of my friends. Surely, we should do this some other time. But in the meanwhile, I should save as much as I could to take my niece and my younger sister out for a lunch treat soon.

Keep Calm And Pretend To Study.

2011-03-24T22:52:00.001+08:00

found via Above all the things.
I should be studying right now—I have two major papers tomorrow—yet I could not force my self to concentrate tonight. I have tried to do a better job earlier before lunch, I got all my notes and laptop into my dad's office room but still, I could not concentrate. In the end I ended up rearranging my messy book shelves instead of revising the notes for Principle of Advertising and Reporting subjects for tomorrow. I don't understand why I could not be like all those students in top-rated universities—who study as if it is the only thing they could do to continue being alive. I mean, I want to study hard too. But there are too many distractions around me that pull me away from my concentration. I have four more chapters to revise and memorize for Principle of Advertising and whereas I have completely give up on Reporting—because obviously I do not have the complete notes to revise on. God bless my soul.

I have my alarm clock set to wake me up at three in the morning so that I could force my self to concentrate on my study regardless what ever horror story my elder sister has told me earlier that might stops my noble intention to actually study. I found this trick to work because I could concentrate more in the early dawn, alone—listening to same play-list as I revise my notes. Although in the end I would only study for an hour before falling asleep on the couch in my living room, until my mom wakes me up at six thirty to get ready for college.

Only three more papers to sit for this mid-term examination and yet I still have to sit for the final paper on the evening of Saturday. I want to go out and have fun on Saturday—not sitting in a classroom answering the questions printed on the papers for News Writing subject.

Sigh—if only I could have a proper study table with much more comfortable swivel chair with cushion and a better air ventilation rather than this fan that creates squeaky noise and perhaps a brighter lighting in my bedroom for me to study—perhaps study time will not be this torturous.

Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers.

2011-03-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

One in a while, I have to allow my jealousy speaks on my behalf. Unfortunately, today is the day I am allowing my jealousy speaks rather my usual conscience. I am going to allow my self to break free and let loose all these knots inside of me—just a sort of way to dissolve my self into effervescence for a little while. Sometimes I should learn to let the other sides of my self to speak.

First of all, I have a lot to say lately. I have been a silent observer rather than an active speaker (this I horribly blame the MDJ203 Effective Speaking notes I have to diligently study). It is rather uncomfortable not to be able to write everything but at least, I want to let loose what I have been dying to write actually. That is the word—let loose. My words, I am going to say everything in my own words.

found via weheartit
Dear young adults of whom I might know or not know (and do not bother to know at all) who kindly study in the same college as I do, thank you for becoming such nuisances for me lately. I understand that it gets pretty lonely to study in a college in this big man-eater city of nothingness and it somehow become necessary for everyone to couple up—I mean, to hook up with someone else—becoming such couples. I am pretending to happily smile as I write this—foolish me.

However, please know that I am a girl who comes from a very conservative family. Yes, you can call me outdated or weird or maybe just a plain nerd but I do not give a damn. You are not my competitor, you are not a competition. Of course, you want the whole college to know that you are happy with your partner (your boyfriend or your girlfriend, if you are stupid and oblivious enough to understand my words) but there is no need for you to flash your affection towards each other to every single human being. I mean, you can surely keep it all to your self. I do not need to know the way you hold each others hands or the way you kiss your partner. Seriously, there is no need to show everything. I really don't give a damn.

Surely each who reads this will think that I am just jealous because I don't have someone by my side to flash to every one else in college. The answer is however, yes—I am jealous. The reason is that yes, I do not have someone to flash to everyone else in college as my soul-mate whatsoever. Yes, I am pathetic. But surely your parents have teach you that if you are considering your self as a Muslim (or if you are still stupid, if your religion is Islam), you should know that there are laws regarding those skin-ship (okay, another standardized terms stupid people do not know—the gestures you do that involve skins—holding hands, touching cheeks, kissing, etc.). Of course I could tell you that I am jealous that you have a partner to walk by your self but no, I am not jealous that you have to add more sins to your endless list of sins now that you have someone and you are holding your partner's hands or kissing your partner or just simply do everything you want with your partner. I am not jealous—I am glad I don't have to carry such sins.

You could do anything you want with your partner somewhere else where the people do not really care to witness because obviously, I do care. I do not like to stain my eye-sights watching these people do whatever they want as if the college is their own private hotel rooms. We are attending the same public college, excuse me. Yes, I know that you don't care about what I think. And yes, even I do not freaking care about what you want to do. But hey, why bother to flash your affection towards each other as if someone else would actually want to see you and your partner together. Go and get your self a room if you really want to fuck up or something. College is not a place to let every one see what the hell you and your partner are going to do.

I know most of these people are Muslims—I am not practically stupid. Yes, we do not share the same grave when we die and yes, none of us share each other sins so I basically don't give a damn if you want to continue adding onto your sins. Please, go on and enjoy this temporary happiness on Earth. I am still a bit jealous that my life is rather lonely without a partner but at least I do not have to suffer the sins of committing skin-ship with a non-mahram. I am not that desperate, thank you.

I do not intend this post to any particular group of people. I am not good enough my self to lecture anyone but this is what I would like to write tonight. I do not care if you are going to bash me or to hate me because none of those are going to effect me—your words compare to my own are nothing but the tiny words appearing on the screen of my laptop. I could always close my eyes and pretend none of those exist. But this is what I want to write and what I have observed. My observations are not your to judge. I have my own mind, you have your own. Just fuck with your own mind and your own actions rather than to bother with mind. I do not give a damn, I do not even care about anything at all.

In the end, this is my blog. If my words are offending you big time, do not bother to read anything anymore. My words are mine, my words are what I write not for you to read but to satisfy my own self. Thank you if you do read this until the very end, thank you for keeping your curses and bashes all to your self. I appreciate your time and your conscience. Hey haters, thanks for bothering to hate me too.

If there will be no boys in the world care to be my boyfriend after reading this post, I do not care anymore. I am practically happy with my life as a single nerdy student who are in love with a celebrity who does not know I exist.

The Malay Chronicles, Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa.

2011-03-22T21:54:00.001+08:00

found via Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa's Facebook Page
Truth to be told, I went to watch Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa (in English translated as The Malay Chronicles: Bloodline) with my dearest best friend last Monday. I know I should not waste my time watching a movie when the fact this week is my mid-term examination week but I can't actually resist the epic movie. I mean, surely the trailer it self already makes me feel half of my heart is already inside the cinema. With a great movie like this, I don't really mind spending RM11 for my ticket.

I personally love this epic movie—regardless that I am not a big fan of epic movies. I mean, I don't really spend my time watching some epic war movies. But Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa might just be an exception because it is such a good movie. It was well-made and well-executed. Of course, as usual there will be minor flaws here and there but this is such a good Malaysian movie—even though eighty percent of the movie uses English as it main language medium. I understand, it is to be easier for foreigners (well, consider that almost half of its casts are foreigners too) to understand.

I look at this as a good way to teach foreigners about our old folklore and tales. I mean, I have heard about this tale of Merong Mahawangsa but only after I watched the movie that I went for some quick research. Yes, I am that crazy sometimes. The casts are amazing, make it that I don't have any complains against the casting of Stephen Rahman-Hughes as Merong Mahawangsa. Such a handsome actor, I must say. My mom only thinks that he is the major reason why she watches the movie.

On another note, such amazing CGI techniques for local people. Not as amazing as Lord of The Ring or whatsoever, but still such a great work for the people of Malaysia to feel proud of. Everything is rather clean and neat, I like it. The music arrangement, magnificent and incredible. I do not mind listening to the music scores over and over again throughout the movie itself. Honestly, I am still listening to its theme song sang by my mother's favorite male singer, Anuar Zain—Sedetik Lebih or the English version titled The Memories Remain—because it is such a great masterpiece.

If you are not a fan of local Malay, I still recommend that you give Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa a chance to amaze you. I mean, my father is still amaze by the movie and he does not watch any Malay movie at all if you ask me. The movie is great and I may let my bias speak on my behalf but it is great. I dare to give it five out of five stars, considering that I do not watch Malay movies at cinemas. I do not waste my money for my own local film industry, yes I am that horrible. But this Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa, I don't want to spoil it for anyone who has not watch.

Go and watch the movie your self and you will absolutely believe my words. Such a good production from a local production house. This is what I could call a great Malaysian movie—a movie that brings our local filming industry up to a new level.

I will be spending another RM11 for the premiere of Sucker Punch this Thursday, as if I don't have to study for my examinations. And this is not any kind of advertisement for any sides that may gain benefits for the movie. I am solely doing this because I like this movie and my intention does not relate to any production or any kind of beneficial people.

For This Failure, I'm Sorry.

2011-03-16T19:44:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
I failed again today—even on my second trial—I failed again. I am a failure. I achieved nothing but failure. I do nothing but fail, I create nothing but things full of failure. I am a complete failure. I would even spell my name with the the word failure in capital words in the middle of it. I can't please the hearts of the people I love the most by failing every single time. I have to accept that the ones I care the most are ignoring me, because they could no longer witness my failure. I am a pathetic failure, I am sorry. I am sorry. I could not offer anything else—because I am a failure—but my sincere apology. I am very sorry. I don't want to be this kind of failure by any mean. I want to be someone who could make the ones I love proud—although I don't think I could.

I am sorry that I am a living mess.

Terrifying Morning Without Coffee.

2011-03-12T08:29:00.000+08:00

My cousin is getting married today and I have absolutely no idea on why my mom actually force all of her daughters—yes, including my elder sister who are married with three sons and living five minutes away from us—to wake up damn early today when the fact that it is not us who are going to get married.

Anyhow, I am trying a new style of shawl today—courtesy of my younger sister. I don't know how it will work out but I have tried it on ten minutes after I woke up and here is the result. I am not sure if it looked okay because my face is completely bloated and I have not yet taken my morning dose of coffee. I looked horrible—look at those black circles.

I will post the fresh version of my self-taken picture after I got ready for the wedding—putting on make-up and whatsoever. I do not need to terrify my readers with my horrible morning bloated face anymore. Although, I could not promise this.

How a Resurrection Really Feels.

2011-03-09T11:41:00.002+08:00

Practically, it seems like I am slowly losing my designing skills. With the assignments that are continuously making me wish that I have more than just twenty-four hours in one day—it is actually quite impossible for me to keep on designing, to improve my lack of grandeur in my poor designing skills. I have not use Adobe Photoshop for such a long time. I try to become good friends with GIMP and PhotoScape but either work well with me.

However, I assumed that I still have a little of those skills. I successfully designed a soda can with my own brand as the first assignment for Principle of Advertising class. I did not think that I have done a magnificent job but at least I still have a little longing towards my forgotten desire of becoming a graphic designer in an advertising agency. I can still do this—although not as good as my graphic design's friends—but at least it was presentable.

Who would have thought that having a plentiful collection of FT Island's pictures would aid me through the process of designing the soda can for my assignment. It was actually an idea proposed by my mom after she watched me designing the soda can in my room. Truthfully, I would love to have a soda brand by the name of FT-Fresh and have the whole FT Island—not just Hongki as presented on the soda can—to endorse my soda. Although his appearance on the soda can did raise several question among the classmate who did not know who he is.

I have started to draw and illustrate again lately. I am spending a little more time to become good friend with my dearest sketch book—who now loyally occupies my bag that I bring to college everyday. I am drawing discreetly in the library, like a geek. I like this though. I like it a lot.

We Might As Well Be Strangers.

2011-03-08T23:14:00.001+08:00

found via inspireplease
I am dedicating this rant post to an unlikely friend of mine—who I am officially declaring as one of those friends I would not care about anymore—because she is pissing me off big time. Seriously, I have been calling and sending text messages to her like a maniac, wondering if she would come to class because we were supposed to have the presentation of our first assignments and this week is the last week for anyone to do so. I have been trying to reach her for one hour yet she did not reply my text messages and she did not answer my phone call.

What the fuck is wrong with you, anyway?

I am literally concerned that you might miss your chance to present your assignment and you are the one who was so concerned about the first assignment since last week and yet, you chose not to attend class and did not even call me in return to give some freaking explanation. Oh God, you are seriously pissing me off big time.

The truth is that I have to force my self to have a smile on my face every time you are talking and even though I silently resent whatever you have to say—especially about your past, because obviously girl, just move on with your damn life—I am trying to be a friend. I endure the hardship to actually teach you in things you don't understand—although you often repay me back with cynical remarks in front of everyone else occasionally. I follow you and try to be a good friend but this is a little too extreme for me to endure, girl. You are literally pulling me around like some sort of slave and drag me along into your mess. I am not satisfied. This is not friendship, this is making me as your friend with benefit.

Oh damn it, I don't care if you are going to find my blog once I make my presentation about blog this Friday. I don't give a fuck about you and your nonsense anymore. Let us face it, you continue to talk about your ruined past relationship as if your world only involve your heartbreak. Hello, open your eyes and see that no one cares about you. I can't take this anymore. I could no longer endure this painful friendship.

You know what, I don't give a damn about you anymore. You can fail and you can success, I would care less. You can fall and you can stand up, I don't want to know about you anymore. You could do whatever you want and continuously talk about your heartbreak as if no one else suffers heartbreaks, I would not give a damn about it. You are a pathetic creature who only knows to care about your self but not the others who could possibly care about you too. You ruined this friendship.

I am so sorry but I can't never look at you the same way I look at my other friends.

You choose this option, regardless. I try to be nice, but you push me away. I try to listen, but you are talking too much. I try to help, but you are draining me out of my life. You can do whatever you want, just don't bother dragging me along into your mess. You should know how to live in your mess. Don't look after me anymore. Know that after this, all my smiles and laughs are not sincere and I am putting on a facade. I don't like you, but only because you make me hate you.

Love Is Never Ugly, Not Beastly Either.

2011-03-07T22:01:00.000+08:00

found via movieset
I found my self currently addicted to two things after watching Beastly—the theme song Broken Arrow sang by Pixie Lott and the handsome actor, Alex Pettyfer. It is official, Beastly is making its entrance into the list of my favorite romance movies. Regardless its flaws and its lack of every other thing, I would watch Beastly for five times in the future if I could. End of story, Mr. Pettyfer is the most handsome beast ever to walk on the surface of this Earth. No, I do not want to include any of those beast idols in this list.

It was rather pathetic that I went to watch a romance movie all by my self. I quietly walked into the cinema, following a couple who walked in front of me. Like serious, it was horribly awkward and pathetic in the same time. But hey, at least I am not the only one who went to watch a romantic movie by my self. Hello, there is nothing wrong with going to watch romantic movies by one self. It is actually rather relaxing, because you could watch the movie well without getting into some conversation with the one next to you. Ah, I like this experience and I want to continue this bad habit.

Beastly—the movie is generally cheesy and cliche, yes. It is basically a romantic movie about the modern Beauty and The Beast. One could actually expect how the end will be right from the beginning but it is not really a bad movie to watch. I mean, I enjoyed the chemistry between Pettyfer and his on-screen romance, Vanessa Hudgens—regardless that watching Hudges felt like I am watching some Disney's movies. But, she acted in Beastly quite wonderfully, though she is no where near the Lindy portrayed in the book. But honestly, Pettyfer does not portray the real beast as in the book too. But hey, you do not hear me complaining about it.

Personally, I like the flow of the movie. It is rather quick and simple. This is not the best romance movie you could watch but it is still something that entertains you, if you a hardcore fan of romantic movies like I am. There are scenes that manage to make me want to cry—although I do not favor the idea of crying all by my self alone in the cinema—and yes, it hurts too when I saw Pettyfer dealing with the pain he has to bare after becoming a beast. Although, he does not look that ugly as a beast in this movie.

The ending however, it is like a 360 degrees transformation from the real ending from the book but when you are watching a Hollywood movie based on a book, you should expect that it will not be the same as how the book ends. I have learn my lesson. Disappointed, I have to admit that yes, I am quite disappointed with how the movie ends. I will basically love it better if it could end similarly to the book. It lack the dramatic effects once it reaches in conclusion. Yes, it still brings in the same conclusion to the book but I want the dramatic flow of it. I will not say any more about the ending because obviously I do not want to spoil it for anyone who has not yet watch. Go and buy your own ticket and watch the ending by your self.

I could actually list down a lot of my favorite scenes but the ultimate favorite scene of mine would be the scene where Hunter (portrayed by Pettyfer, the transformed Kyle—which in the book he changed his name from Kyle to Andrian but it became Hunter in the movie for an unknown reason) looked at at Lindy (portrayed by Hudges) from outside the train she was on, when he saw her started to read his letters and suddenly wished that she never read it in the first place. I did not know why I like that scene so much, but I guess I like that Kyle/Hunter was afraid that once Lindy knew his true feelings towards her, she might not love him back—obviously because he thought he was too beastly for Lindy. Hey come on, if a beast actually has the same personalities as Kyle/Hunter, I would love to spend the rest of my life with him too.

It is hard not to like the character portrayed by Neil Patrick Harris because I love his cynical jokes throughout the movie. A blind man who goes to regular school and has a sense of sarcasm in most of his words, I like that. I quite admire the appearance of Mary-Kate Olsen as Kendra, the witch. I freaking love her sense of style, especially the shoes she wore. I mean, I want to steal all those funky outfits and shoes she wore, like seriously. She should have more appearances so that I could continuously admire her sense of style.

Guess that I am going to watch this movie for the second time probably some time next week—because my younger sister is currently begging me to bring her to watch it. I don't mind the second time though because I still love this movie. I am considering the idea of buying the DVD once it releases to add into my small collection of DVD of my favorite movies. I could give any reasons to continue to watch Pettyfer topless throughout the movie over and over again. Ah, my pervert side is coming out again.

On Days When Movies Matter.

2011-03-06T00:40:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
The modern adaptation of my all-time favorite Beauty and The Beast—Beastly—has been a movie I am dying to watch every since I came across its Wikipedia page while searching for something which I would choose not to reveal. I used to have a huge crush on Alex Pettyfer since he starred in the Stormbreaker in 2006. Honestly, that was five years ago—when I was much too oblivious to actually consider what movies I would watch. At the age of fifteen, even something as lousy as Stormbreaker seemed rather intriguing. I blame my gullible side.

Any way, I am looking for the perfect time to go and watch Beastly. I don't really favor the idea of going to watch a movie all by my self—because other people would simply look at me and label as pathetically alone and an outcast—but I don't think any of my friends would want to spend more than an hour watching some adaptation of Beauty and The Beast with me. I am thinking about Monday—there will not be a long queue for ticket and I could make it back to college for my two o'clock class.

It is rather unfair that I have three movies lining up in my wish list this month—the epic Malaysian movie Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa, Beastly and last but not least, Sucker Punch—and two actually have Vannesa Hudgens. I mean, I like her from High School Musical, but this is actually too much. This has been one of those rare times when I am really intrigued by the trailer of the Malaysian epic movie, Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa because firstly, it is a KRU Studio production thus I could expect some awesome CGI off the movie and secondly, how could I not like Stephen Rahman who played the main lead? I mean, he is gorgeous. As for Sucker Punch—I am just a sucker for a movie about a bunch of girls in skin tight outfits and armed with freaking dangerous weapons as they kick the assess of everyone who stands in their way. Enough explanation, right.

I am still considering the idea of going to watch Beastly by my self this Monday. I like the idea, but I don't think it is appropriate and I don't think that my money will like this idea too. Face it, I promised my friend to go to her favorite Korean merchandise shop this Thursday and I could expect my self to spend like hell over things I like. I am already facing a critical financial problem. But I really want to watch Pettyfer in Beastly.

Let me be honest—Pettyfer gives me the major reason why I really want to watch Beastly. I mean it, seriously. I would do anything to watch him, regardless the hideous scars and tattoos because boy, you look oh so mighty fine even with those. God, I have to stop this madness towards boys.

Wonbin Says, C'mon Girl.

2011-03-02T16:11:00.001+08:00

Oh God, please save me this from sexiness. I mean, there is nothing more sexy than witnessing my first Korean crush—Oh Wonbin—looking all mighty fine with all the hand gestures and lip rubbing, plus one hell of a sexy smirk all in fifteen seconds. Sexiness overload, yes. Wonbin, don't make me want to ~~molest~~ kiss my laptop because you are just too perfect and too sexy for my words to express my feelings right now. Oh Wonbin will release his first Japanese single “C'mon Girl” on March 14th. I am watching this damn short yet super sexy teaser for the thirty seventh times and still squealing like a crazy girl over this perfect sexiness. I will have him singing this tune to me anytime, anywhere for sure. This is distracting me from finishing my assignments, seriously. Thank you God, for creating such perfection in the form of Wonbin for me to drool over.

I Could Probably Do Without The Guilt.

2011-02-24T08:36:00.001+08:00

found via Stuff No One Told Me (but I learned anyway)
The has been one unexplainable feeling lingering somewhere inside of me—keeping me alive yet slowly killing every part of me like some kind of damn parasite that is determined in vanquishing me off this planet Earth. No, I mean—I am sometimes a bit exaggerating about things but surely everyone knows how freaking bad one undetermined feelings could make a person. Especially when that feeling is none other than the unfriendly friend—guilt.

God, I have been drowning my self in the endless sea of guilt lately. I have committed so many freaking sins. Probably this is the reason why I have been feeling sick for almost a week—because I am feeling guilty out of all the feelings I could feel. Guilt—I hate this word, and even more, I hate to experience it.

If I am given a chance to apologize regardless what I have done, I am going to apologize right away. God, please forgive this bad person who You allowed to live on the surface of the Earth, inhaling Your precious air and living a life that she could not appreciate. I am so sorry. I am sorry. I am just so sorry I have not try to become someone better than I am right now. God, please take this guilt away. Save me from continuously drowning. I want to stay afloat, please. I want to save my self. Take this guilt away.

Here Goes My Dream, Here Goes My Story.

2011-02-21T01:53:00.001+08:00

I finally have the guts to post my latest fan fiction on a website—unfortunately, this time it is not on Winglin because I freaking hate its format. I am still considering the thought about posting this one particular fan fiction on SOOMPI because, posting it there seems to be a bit too much. Have you ever read any fan fiction on SOOMPI—because the standards seems like so freaking high. I am not as good as any of those writers in SOOMPI. They are just too freaking awesome.

Click HERE to read LE VILAIN PETIT CANARD.
Sorry that the poster for this particular fan fiction is not as awesome as my previous works because I don't have Adobe Photoshop and working with GIMP proves to be quite a hard work. I am still working hard trying to accustom my self to GIMP. Dear GIMP, I wish we could be best friend. Fear no more, I will work on this fan fiction regardless what happen. I hope so, though.

Nag no more, go on and read my fan fiction. Drop any encouraging comments if you like it and if you don't like it—well, you could always click the close button and forget the existence of that fan fiction rather to complain and bash my storyline. I have other better things to do than to entertain haters. Forgive my English for that fan fiction though. I tend to be extra fantastic with the words used, regardless my bad grammar and vocabulary.

Life From This Point On.

2011-02-19T22:51:00.001+08:00

found via weheartit
Yes—I do realize that there has been a lack of movements around this boring blog for the past ten days. This actually happen to the fact that I am depending on the free wireless connection I am currently using which sometimes disappears from the view, thus I could not connect to the internet. I have also been terribly busy with college—now that assignments are stacking up high like a mountain literally and schedules are driving me crazing. I am also pretending to be busy with my life by doing this and that, including spending one whole sleepless day due to finish my assignments that should be submitted to take off the NC status off my result. Fortunately, I have successfully sent that freaking assignment this morning so, end of story. By the upcoming Friday, I will be facing my biggest fear of the year—sitting for my driving test to get my self a driving license. I feel like a freaking retarded for still not be able to drive well when everyone else seems to have been enjoying the life as a driver. God blesses my life.

I am also amazingly down with cold right now so I am silently cursing the fact that I can't breath properly. I followed my mom and dad to the market this morning and ended up with a cut on my finger which hurt like hell sometimes. Right now, I have two wounded fingers, thus I am typing in such an awkward condition. I am working hard to publish my fan fiction again in either two main fan fiction websites despite my hectic routines too. I am getting close to a friend of whom share the same passion as mine and I like this friendship we have. Keep this going on, and I will improve my current social life. I am almost broke thus I have to starve almost every day but I am looking at this as a chance to go on a diet—an unhealthy one of course.

In less than a week without wireless connection, I found out that FT Island has tons of news about them in the internet. Hongki to appear as the male lead in a Japanese drama—which actually makes me giggled like a crazy fan girl at college upon knowing this through the Twitter application on my mobile phone. Even more, FT Island will perform the theme song of the drama so cheer for new songs. More surprisingly, cheesy leader Jonghoon is also set to make his acting debut in a movie based on a Japanese manga—staring next to only the two of my favorite actor and actress of all time, Jang Geunseok and Kim Haneul. I am still a freaking happy fan girl. My bias, Seunghyun and Minhwan graduated from high school—looking all mighty handsome and made me wondered why on earth did I not attend the same high school as them although that is rather impossible. Congratulation. Jaejin—well, all I know his picture of him sleeping with a guitar did make it to the news so, well done I think. Nice to see nice updates, will be waiting for their future releases.

In the end, as a conclusion—my life has not yet been wonderful but it still quite stressful. I am going to have lesser updates, now that the wireless connection is obviously only available on weekends. I will post useful posts again, please don't curse me. I am innocent, or so I believe I am. God blesses this poor miserable soul.

All The Brilliant Misfits.

2011-02-10T00:27:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
Fortunately that the NC that I have amazingly obtained in my result for previous semester does not mean that I have to crazily retake that one particular subject throughout the whole semester—but instead, I should just pay the fee (damn it, this freaking annoying college surely knows how to make students pay for almost every single thing) and sit for the Referral Exam to make up the missing final examination's marks. God, thank you for this brilliant opportunity.

Although the real mystery is that where the hell did the marks for my final examination has gone that it has amazingly gave me a NC in the whole result, I am just freaking glad that at least I don't have to take the subject again for the second time in my life. Less the pain, oh thank you. Even the fact that I have to shamelessly drag my self to the office and meet the detestable lecturer of that particular subject does not hurt this joy of not having to repeat the whole subject. Let us all do the chicken dance right at this part.

Let me be serious, I have not attended even one class this week. On Monday, I missed two classes as I attended the funeral of my dad's cousin. On Tuesday, I went to college but I have brilliantly lost the class venue—leaving me clueless about where the exact class is precisely—this I blamed the administration for printing the wrong class venue. Today however, I am supposed to attend advertising class but I failed to contact my friend and thinking that she did not attend it, I spent my entire evening in the library—only to come back home and realized that that one particular friend did attend the class anyway. Thank you so fucking much for the betrayal, dear friend.

Tomorrow, on the day where I am supposed to be attending another class, my dad has magnificently scheduled a trial driving test for me with the driving school. God, now I am just terribly nervous and fidgeting. What if I don't do well enough tomorrow? What if the engine dies in the middle of the road? What if the car reverses by it self when it stops by the hill? What if I can't complete the parallel parking in less than five minutes? What if I hit a pole during the last part? There are one thousand and four what ifs that I need to answer. I want my driving license so freaking much, but I am not confident I will do well.

Anyway, please wish me luck for tomorrow. I really need to get my own driving license and drive my way around. I need to prove that I am good in something—and please let that something be driving.

Zero Satisfaction.

2011-02-08T21:33:00.002+08:00

The most appropriate GIF to express my current feelings.
Whether I like or detest it, the reality is that I have terribly obtained a NC—~~of which stands for Not Complete, as in one does not submit enough assignments to perfect the carry marks in one particular subject~~—in the result for the examination for the second semester. Even more amazingly is that I have obtained the NC for the most detestable subject I have ever taken in semester two which is—UFS 111—Basic English 2. I fucking love this subject, I am setting up a second date with it later. Damn you, Basic English 2.

Although the one to blame for this crappy result (which CGPA pointer which I could not brag about) is none other than my self, it still feels terribly bitter to know that I failed to impress anyone with this kind of result. Like seriously, what is there to brag when I have one subject which ultimately translates that I have not done a good job. I should have done a proper job with this subject—I really should have submitted all assignments.

Trying to explain the whole situation to my parents are like teaching one year-old child to recite the multiplies of nine in one hour. I mean, they never have a child that literally enrolls a university (in my case, college of course) so they have these things about college administration's things a bit too complicated. I am sorry, I will try harder this third semester, mom and dad. I am a bad daughter, but I will change.

~~Most likely the situation right now is that I have to retake the subject for the whole semester soon. The horror of redoing the 1000 words collection thingy suddenly returns magnificently.~~ Say hello to hell in college. God, forgives me for being such a bad student.

They Gather Here For The Funeral.

2011-02-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

found via Photography Moments
I attended the funeral of a distant relative of mine—a cousin of my dad actually—after so much consideration earlier this morning. Honestly, I never have the chance to know my own uncle—or whatever I have to call him, because he was a cousin of my dad who seemed to have quite a close bond with the siblings of my dad. May he rest in peace. Condolences to his family—his wife and his five kids. Be strong, all that is alive will soon die. It is just a matter of time.

However, it becomes intriguing that distant relatives only have the chance to meet each other after so many freaking years in times when there is a funeral. I met a lot of relatives from my dad's side today of which I have never knew they even exist. Funny, how relationships develop when a soul is lost. God has its own tricky way to connect people—through discoveries and loses. It gets even funnier when I could detest those distant cousins I have only meet for the first time today so freaking much, it does not hurt for me to say that maybe it will be better than we could never meet again.

On a brighter note, I finally know that my dad has relatives from all around Malaysia—he has relatives from almost every state in this country. It is interesting to just quietly sit some place and listen to all those relatives communicate to each other in all those different dialects. Like an awkward harmony—like a synchronize rhythm.

Unfortunate Story of This Sunday.

2011-02-06T16:24:00.002+08:00

found via I'm The Type Of Person To Take It Personal
Being a bad daughter like I have always been—I literally yelled at my mother the moment I woke up this morning. All courtesy of my elder sister who is freaking persuasive (now I know how freaking annoying it gets when someone persuades me too much) to ask my younger sister and I to follow her to the water theme park—Sunway Lagoon—with her and the rest of her happy family. Dear sister, why bother ask if you know that it will be like damn awkward for us two to be there with you and your sons and most importantly, how on earth are we going to have fun in the water if we have to keep our manners in front of our brother-in-law. Damn awkward.

So sorry mom, for yelling like that. It was seriously not done purposely. I am already annoyed by the humongous alien creature that grows underneath my right eye that makes it damn horribly swollen. The last thing I need is my mother telling to me follow my elder sister without knowing that it will be extra awkward for my younger sister and I plus, we are definitely going to be like some sort of her maids or something. She will order us around, doing this and that for her sons. Not that we really care because we love our nephews but seriously, do we need to do everything for her on weekends just like how we did on weekdays too?

Back to the matter of the alien creature underneath my eye—its growing bigger! I swear, last night the creature is not this big. It was not even visible but the moment I woke up this morning, I surprised my self. I could hardly open my eyes without feeling uncomfortable with this creature inhabiting underneath my eye. It is slightly painful, like a big giant zit you want to pop so that it will not effect your daily life. Unfortunately, this alien creature is not as easy to pop as a zit. Dad already offered to take me to the clinic—but as always, I said no.

I freaking detest this creature growing on my face right now. I have two classes to attend tomorrow—as if I enjoy attending classes on Monday. However, regardless my unwillingness to attend class, I don't need to bring along a creature to class tomorrow. I mean it, seriously. I don't need to become a class joker with this creature on my ugly face. I don't need to become uglier than I am always.

This is not really a good Sunday. I think I would have to fight for the remote control again if I want to watch the rerun of 2010 Golden Disk Award on MTV later. I am already in a foul mood after last night fighting with my dad over the remote control. I don't need to do that again today, with this creature growing on my face right now. Give me back my precious Sunday.

Hey Sister, Thanks For The Memories.

2011-02-02T00:18:00.000+08:00

found via and now i'm free fallin
I finally spent one whole day with my younger sister—just the two of us—for the first time ever in my twenty years of life. I am the worst elder sister ever, I know. I promised to take her out so many times, yet never once did I fulfilled my promises. Dear little sister, I am so freaking sorry. I promise to take you out more often from now on.

We went to KLCC since today is a public holiday and our dad is away to his hometown for some family business. We thought that giving our mom a day off from chores would be great so we just grabbed lunch while we were out. I bought movie tickets for my younger sister—freaking RM18 for each 3D movie ticket. I should have asked for a 2D instead. My younger sister actually agreed to watch The Green Hornet with me, knowing my bias towards Jay Chow.

Hey, the movie is not as bad as I thought it would after reading several reviews. It was a bit slow in the beginning but overall, it was entertaining. Yes, not the best action movie but the humor of the movie itself kept the movie very much entertaining. At least, I knew I was laughing all the way from the beginning to the end. But oh my God, my eyes were all on Jay Chow. He is the most handsome and awesome sidekick—or partner—in movies ever. And The Black Beauty—gosh, I would love to have my driver's license now to get my hands on an amazing car like The Black Beauty. Anyway, I am not going to give anymore spoilers, go on and watch it in the cinema yourself.

The one thing I am sure about is that we went shopping like a pair of crazy sisters. I ultimately spent up to almost RM150 alone. I bought two t-shirts from Padini and my younger sister bought her self a pair of jacket and a t-shirt. Oh, we also bought four graphic novels from Kinokuniya. The funny thing was that I almost spent up to RM100 if we ever dare to go into the CD store called The Rock Corner to look for FT Island's Beautiful Journey CD. If only we did go into that store, the horror of spending too much money.

I had fun with my younger sister, though she could sometimes be a bit irritating but hey, we are still sisters regardless whatever. Maybe I will take her out again very much soon, but I need to save up my allowance first for sure. The temptation to buy all those good stuffs when we are out without our parents, but the pain of spending so much money. Come to think about it, I still have not take my niece out for lunch and movie as I promised her too.

This Invincible Tale.

2011-01-29T01:02:00.001+08:00

found via The Dark Intrigues Me ...
Once upon a time, there was a girl who thought that she was invincible in the eyes of the people around her. She roamed around in her own silence. She breathed the air as quietly as she could in her own perfect imaginary world. It was when until she realized that all those people have absolute view of her—that everyone around her could see her—because she was visible. She was so excited about, she approached everyone and asked every single person to be her friends. Some accepted her, but some pushed her away. Those who accepted her however, started to treat her the same way it was before she ever became their friend. In another eyes, she was still invincible. In reality, she existed but those people just chose to erase her from their view, from their lives. They chose not to include her existence in any detail of their lives. To them, even if she was there right in front of them, she was just invincible—not because she was not there, but because her existence never matter to anyone else except to her own.

One Hell Of The Horror Ride.

2011-01-28T01:13:00.003+08:00

Successfully finished the first class for News Reporting today—one hour earlier than the scheduled time because our lecturer is amazing like that. However, I have to spend more than an hour battling against the lousy administration department along with another perhaps thirty to forty other unfortunate students who have their time tables all awesomely messed up by the administrative system. Way to go, our college.

My awesome guy friend told me that we both have an advance subject in our time table thus I have to drop that subject—unless I want to be beyond awesome and crack my brain open all by my self—and add in another subject instead. The lousy administrative system has its own epic fail moment for sure. Unfortunately, the new added subject—The Study of Film—does not trigger my interest by any bit.

After leaving all the hustle and bustle of the lousy administration department behind happily, I decided to watch a movie with my friend—of who I have promised to watch movie with since the beginning of this week. She got her wishes fulfilled because I have unwillingly dragged my self to watch the Malay horror movie she was dying to watch. Bought the tickets and wandered around KLCC for more than a hour like a pair of crazy teenagers. Hey, we are awesome like that.

Khurafat is the title of the movie and oh my, was it one hell of a thrilling ride. I squeaked and screamed like a coward shamelessly for the first time in my entire life inside a cinema. I was literally hiding my face behind my bag and behind my hands. My heart was beating faster than during the marathon I joined several years ago in high school. I was completely horrified. Mr. Director, thank you for the horror ride.

found via Filmdroid
However, I watched the teasers of The Green Hornet outside the cinema before going in for the movie Khurafat and damn it, I am dying to watch it. I solemnly swear I want to watch it for the delicious treat of Jay Chow in it. Oh my, we are talking about the incredible Jay Chow. I mean it. I am going to watch that movie regardless whatever that might happen. Make it this week or next week, I am going to watch it. I don't care about the reviews, all I care about is Jay Chow and his ass-kicking appearance—plus the comedic parts of the movie that cracks me up even through the teasers.

Come to think about it, I should ask my niece to accompany me for a trip to awesome treat of Jay Chow in The Green Hornet soon—since I have irresponsibly promised to take her out for a treat sometime. I am a mean auntie, I know it.

How To End This Heartbreak.

2011-01-26T22:09:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
There is a weird sensation growing inside of me the moment I realize that the one boy I truly love—my first love—is currently in a relationship where he seems happier and livelier. In many ways I know that the girl you are in love with is far better than the girl I have always been in your eyes. She seems to be a nice girl—of what I know a girl who would make you feel as if you are on cloud nine. I am happy that you are holding onto your happiness, while I am here holding onto the broken pieces of our memories. Do you know what, throughout our friendship that is now just a line of vague explanation we both have to understand—I am always happy to think that I will stay next to you through thick and thin because I truly do love you, even until now. As crazy as this sound, I am still in love with you. How can I let go of you and the feelings I have for you, although now that you are happy with her. You are too precious for me to let go. Holding on the feeling I have for you keep me happy, regardless the heartless reality that is hitting me. I will always wish for your happiness with her. I am not the one for you, not even in my dreams. I am not going to wait, but allow me to hold onto our memories as long as I could because every time I hear your name, my heart breaks a little. I don't need you to end this heartbreak. I need you to give me a reason for my self to let go and eventually end this heartbreak by my self.

Brand New Days, Sweetheart.

2011-01-25T21:33:00.002+08:00

found via the hipsterskids
Sweet holiday season has successfully (and unfortunately, unwillingly) ended and it is time for me to drag my lazy self back to college to make a fresh new start for the third semester of my second year in college. Seriously, I am forcing myself to go back. I mean it. I detest every single detail about my third semester—make it in every single aspect about my college life right now.

As usual, the relationship between both me and the administration counter is always tense. Even after third semester in my second year, we have not built any kind of chemistry between us. I still so freaking hate you, administration department, thank you very much. Students have been crowding the administration department thanks to the oh-so-wonderful management. Congratulations on the new records, students are sitting on the floor waiting for their turn to meet the unfriendly administrations’ staffs. I still hate you.

I have five freaking subjects this semester—two of them are missing in action from my schedule. English for Specific Purpose (UFS201) has successfully started but unfortunately, they are giving me Mr. Bala—who taught me back in first semester. I have to listen to his entire nag and talk about this and that. He is still not over the fact that none of us really like to speak English all the time.

News Writing class has not started because well, the class was empty last time I checked. No lecturer, no students. Wow, talk about a good way to start a semester. And this is how the college expect us to excel in our examinations? Way to go, people. Next class will be on Thursday and it will be Reporting. No clues about my other two class. I don’t want to drag my self into the crowd in front the administration department anymore.

Today—since there are no classes—I went to deposit RM140 to buy the FT Island’s DVD concert that I have been dreaming about since last year. I am also buying together a Pentastick after four years of being a loyal fan of the band. How awesome am I to do that? I went shopping alone for a while after depositing the money and bought a fabric dye—in the color of yellow—of which my mom taught I was going to dye everything white that I own into yellow. I am not that crazy. Overall, I have amazingly spent RM160 in one particular day in less than three hours. Gosh, I am scaring my self.

While paying a visit to the bookshop in the shopping mall, I quietly made my way into the art section. I managed to fit in there, to have the feeling that everything in there fit me perfectly. I went to search for some acrylic paint and considering the prices, maybe next time. I was thinking about getting some brushes and oil paint but I think I should start with something basic. But God, I was silently screaming in excitement when I see all those beautiful poster colors. I want to buy them all. I should pay a visit to the regular art supplies’ shop near my old college to buy these stuffs because they are still so awesome in my eyes.

My older sister is begging my parents to go for another holiday vacation during the upcoming Chinese New Year holiday, considering that all of us are going to enjoy another sweet one week holiday. My parents seemed to have taken her words into consideration because up until now, my mom kept asking, “Where would you want to go this upcoming holiday?”. I don’t know, maybe just staying at home?

Greetings From The Historical City of Malacca.

2011-01-21T00:22:00.003+08:00

My family and I have successfully arrived in Malacca earlier today and we had the most enjoyable journey ever. We kept on laughing like four people on some kind of school trip and we told silly jokes to each other until we laughed so hard, I have tears in my eyes—okay, the tears might have been due to the fact that I have some sort of eyesore.

We are currently staying in a boutique hotel—not that I have any idea what the hell a boutique hotel is but it has become a trend here in this historical town—called Arenaa De Luxe Hotel. Fortunately, this hotel is freaking stylish and awesome. The interior is just too amazing for words. It is chic and stylish. Our suites are in the third floor, both facing the main road in front of the hotel. I love my suite too much, we have to extend our stay until tomorrow. This hotel is too amazing, except for the location. It is quite a distant away from the center of the city but it is still nice. You can arrive at Padang Pahlawan in less than fifteen minutes for sure.

I have become my family's official photographer thus I am not in most of the photos we took around Malacca today. I thought I wanted to upload some but seeing the dimensions of those photos in the DSLR freaks me out big time. I will do so eventually just not now. I am facing the flat screen TV inside my suite while my younger sister lazying lying on the bed reading her romantic novel. I have no idea what my parents are doing in the suite opposite mine but I don't really want to know.

We have so much fun today—although the streets are confusing both my dad and I but we are managing it. We have some help from the oh-so-useful uncle Google and the awesome maps my dad snatched from work. So far, this trip has been a fun ride. I am anticipating tomorrow. Got to wait and see what my dad has in his plan tomorrow.

On another good news, congratulations to my favorite FT Island for winning the Bonsang Award on the High1 Seoul Music Awards recently. I am so freaking happy for the win but not so happy regarding the mini drama before their performances. Song Seunghyun, you are way too young to hug some random noona and lands your cute face onto the back of her head like some kind of creeper. Although, I don't mind you do that to me.

Insomnia Gets In The Way, Honey.

2011-01-20T01:57:00.001+08:00

It is pretty obvious no one really cares but this is how I look without make-up and when it is almost two in the morning yet I am nowhere near the bed or any pillow to sleep. My disastrous dark circles—I need to do something about these. My mom would freak out if she walks out from her bedroom and realizes that her daughter is not sleeping and bothering her younger sister by letting the lights on so that she could selfishly uses the laptop in the comfort of her bedroom. I should really find a way to sleep or else I will sleep throughout the whole journey from Kuala Lumpur to Malacca tomorrow. Not that I want to cherish the journey but at least I want to stay awake.

Painting The Past.

2011-01-19T20:39:00.000+08:00

found via time means nothing.
I found something on LiveJournal that triggered a part of my memories instantly a moment ago. I saw pictures of oil paints, crayons, canvases and everything related to arts and painting. Now, I am missing the time when I freely illustrate and paint as much as I want. Back to the times when I was still a student majoring graphic design, I looked at the whole world as a piece of huge blank canvas paper, where I could draw anything I want, any way I want. My dad encouraged me to start drawing again—as a healthy hobby rather than lazying around like a big fat something—and perhaps have it as a second option to my first interest of writing. I also found a box of oil paint inside my cupboard today, the one I bought upon enrolling college to study graphic design two years ago. Right now, I am staring at it with confusion and questions. I just don't know anymore. My hands are not the same as they are when I drew so many pictures that portray my life, my feelings. I want to go back, but I don't know how. There are several other art supplies that my dad kept safely for me—in case I want to return to the artsy roots of mine. I miss colors in my life, instead of just words and more words.

Maybe I should start painting and drawing and doing arts all over again, just to feel a bit more alive. Perhaps I could do a little better, make my life a little more vivid. Now that I want to start doing art again, what should I draw tonight?

Mistakes Happen, Forgive Me.

2011-01-18T03:26:00.000+08:00

found via I am a gypsy
There has been a lack of updates around here—not because I am going on a secretive hiatus mode or something but because I am facing such difficulties trying to get the wireless connection. My mom is considering the option of getting the broadband so I am praying hard that she will continue with her decision to get me one. Trying to connect to this current wireless connection is too hard—nowadays it often disappear without a warning.

I am also in the mood to watch dramas and movies more than being online thus forgive me for the lack of updates. I have no active social life now that I am still enjoying my two-weeks semester break. My parents are taking my younger sister and I for a three days two nights holiday in Malacca this Thursday so, I guess I could update later. Oh, on another note, here is three of the five subjects I have to take for our third semester, due to start next week.

Gosh I wish this holiday could be a little bit longer. I am enjoying the pleasure of waking up so freaking late nowadays, it hurts whenever I hear the alarm clock rings every morning.

Life In My Own Language.

2011-01-13T22:43:00.002+08:00

I have recklessly abandoned my blog upon the first week of my semester holiday—not because I am lazy like that but because I am facing such crisis with my current wireless connection. I don't know what have happened but I am unable to connect to the wireless connection for the past four days thus I am spending my first week of holiday to finish reading my novel and in the same time, making up insane jokes and weird dance moves to annoy every member of my family.

The sweetness of this holiday has gotten its way into my brain, literally.

Allow me to use this next paragraph in Malay because well—surely I have to maintain my fluency of my own language. I have been using too much English in this blog, I don't think anyone who reads this (if I have readers—just because I am in a humble mode right now) knows that I am actually a Malay, living in the comfort of my home in Malaysia and having my currently inactive social life with my Malay friends who talk in Malay all the time.

found via The Heart of Life ♥

Okay sekarang aku serius berbahasa dalam Bahasa Melayu. Minggu ni, boleh dikatakan agak memeritkan sebab dengan berjayanya abah kesayanganku telah pun memaksa aku sambung balik arr belajar memandu. Berapa lama aku nak renew je lesen L yang takde guna tu kan? So, dengan niat melaksanakan tanggungjawab sebagai anak (kononnyalah~) aku pun bergaya jelah sambung balik belajar memandu setelah dengan selamba badaknya aku suspend pembelajaran automotif aku tu selama enam bulan. Aku memang hebat, terima kasih.

Akhirnya, aku dapat jugak pengajar yang buat aku rasa bolehlah nak berlagak sikit bila tengah pegang stereng kereta kancil merah hak punya sekolah memandu tu. Dah karat rupanya skill memandu aku. Patutlah nak terburai Proton Saga abah aku masa aku dengan selambanya try driving dekat padang dengan adik aku hari itu. Nasib baik tak tercabut tayar. Abah, kakak tak tahulah apa bakal terjadi dengan kereta abah kalau dimurahkan rezeki kakak dapat lesen. Mahunya seminggu sekali masuk bengkel.

Abah cakap aku ada lagi empat jam driving lesson lepas tu kalau okey, boleh buat pra-test and kemudian sambung lagi sikit practice, dah boleh amik test JPJ yang gila bapak punye menakutkan. Kalau ikutkan, aku dah sampai tahap pra-test tu sebenarnya enam bulan lepas. Kalau tak sebab kaki aku yang terbaik nak sakit macam bangang time tu, rasanya tahun lepas lagi aku dah hijack kereta bapak aku bawak pergi The Curve untuk shopping. Alahai, dah nak sakit, nak buat macam mana?

Terus-terang aku cakap, aku langsung tak confident dengan skill memandu aku. Nak dapatkan lesen tu pada aku macam satu kerja gila. Weyh, nak dapatkan A+ dalam portfolio exam lagi kacang dari memandulah. Aku suka thrill bila pegang stereng kereta tu, tapi aku tak sukakan tekanan bila aku kena control segala macam benda dalam kereta tu. Gear nak kena ingat, kelas lagi, minyak lagi, brek lagi. Bak kata pengajar aku hari tu, aku boleh memandu dengan baik, cuma aku ni kelam bin kabut dan sesuka hati aje nak tekan brek ala-ala emergency brake. Kau ingat jalan tu abah kau punya ke, Dyla woi?

Sepanjang minggu ni pulak, Amirul anak buah kesayangan aku demam sampai dua hari tak pergi sekolah. Mak lang hairan, bila time nak pergi sekolah aje kau sakit tapi lepas pukul 2 mak lang tengok Amirul sihat je terjerit macam orang gila dengan Ashraf. Hairan sungguh temperature badan anak buah aku sorang tu. Aku pun, dengan bahagianya menjalankan tanggungjawab sebagai mak nombor dua dia—bagi makan ubat (bukan main nak seksa lagi) lepas tu segala macam benda lagilah yang sepatutnya mak dia yang buat. Mak lang hebatkan, Amirul Akmal?

Cuti tinggal seminggu tapi rasa macam nak extend lagi panjang, boleh tak kolejku? Bukanlah tak suka study tapi tak suka kat kaulah wahai kolej. Beratnya hati nak sambung semester tiga, padahal mama dah gembira gila sebab lagi empat or lima semester, anak perempuan nombor tiga dia dah boleh graduate. Tahun 2011 kakak dah masuk umur 20lah mama. Bagilah kakak sikit masa lagi nak jadi budak kecil dalam family. Bolehkan mama?

Disebabkan aku dengan bergayanya memulakan tahun 2011 tanpa sebarang azam, aku rasa aku nak go with the flow jelah tahun ni. Nak kurus pun, macam tak berkesan je sebab dugaan makanan semenjak mama pencen ni memang sangatlah dashyat. Nak dapatkan lesen, tunggulah lagi beberapa bulan then kita boleh wait and see apa akan jadi. Well, secara keseluruhannya, taklah teruk sangatkan bila berblog dalam bahasa ibunda? Cuma kadang-kadang aku terskema sikit dalam penggunaan bahasa ni. Ni semua influence dari cikgu BM masa form 5 dululah ni.

There goes my life in the past four days in full Malay language. I am considering the choice to blog in Malay rather than in English—since I am more fluent in Malay and my English sucks big time. However, I am giving some consideration in this matter because I need to choose the one language I am comfortable ranting and spamming in.

I am still praying that the wireless connection stays okay until my holiday ends.

Sweet Holiday, Baby.

2011-01-09T20:58:00.000+08:00

All hail the sweet holiday. The hiatus status is officially off as I am free from final examination finally. It has been a tough ride during this past week and I am going to do anything not to repeat any of this torture anymore. I have enough, thank you. Every single final paper has been a war. I am so glad I am alive—much to my surprise—and still doing fine. There are some turbulence along the flight but honey it is okay not to stay alive.

Contemporary Business (UFS 102) and Principles of Public Relation (MDP 103) have to be the toughest papers ever. This kind of giving me a reminiscence of the Chemistry and Additional Mathematics papers for SPM three years ago. Oh, the horror. I am so sick of these two subjects—please don't let me repeat any of it. There were times when I wish I could give up and just move on with my life as a loser in these two subjects.

Introduction to Communication (MDJ 101) and Media Studies and Introduction to Journalism (MDJ 102) are the two papers that are totally fine. I am not boasting but I think I did quite well. I don't think I could get an A for any but at least I wish to pass with flying colors. So much for the wishes, huh?

Basic English 2 (UFS 111) has also been a breather amidst of the suffocating subjects. I hope I pass this subject because even if I do well in the final paper, my attendance and my previous assignments are a total mess. I hope my lecturer has some kind of mercy for me. Please, don't fail me this time.

Honestly, I am going to miss second semester and its interesting ride. I will miss coming to class first. I will miss skipping class whenever the lecturer comes in late. I will definitely the friends who have to leave us. I am going to miss the laugh and the tears. I am going to miss everything accept the assignments and the examinations, thank you very much. It has been a great ride, friends. I enjoy it, although it has been quite bumpy, but in the end we all enjoy it.

I guess I will meet each and everyone of you again next semester. We are going to start our third semester, oh my God. It has been a fast journey everybody, nice to know all of you. In a blink of an eye, now we are going to be seniors. I think I like this. In several months, we are going to welcome new troop of juniors. Hello juniors, let the sufferings begin.

And now, after one hell of a roller coaster ride, it is time for me to say goodbye to semester two and hello to two weeks of sweet holiday. I am so thankful of these two weeks of holiday because gosh, I need this holiday so freaking much. I need some time off college and away from my friends—just me, myself and my thoughts. I am thinking about working with a fan fiction this holiday too—to resurrect the dying skills of mine. I miss writing fan fictions—I miss it a lot.

I am also going to do all things great in life—sleep and more sleep. The past several months in second semester has taken its toll on me by giving me the smallest amount of time to sleep. I have been working with assignments and more assignments, I don't sleep. Now, I am going to sleep as much as I could. I could imagine myself gaining so freaking much weight but to hell, I am still sleeping all the time. I have panda eyes. I don't like panda eyes on mine. I hate it.

Now, I finally have the time to finish reading the novel I picked up several months ago. I am going to enjoy this sweet holiday, everybody. Thank you for the entertainment second semester, we will meet in third semester in two weeks time.

Dates With Notes.

2011-01-03T21:48:00.001+08:00

This blog will be in a temporary hiatus mood through this whole week for two reasons—first of all, this is the final examination week for me in college and secondly, I am just lazy like that. Okay, final examination has officially started since Monday and I am busy with these craps until Sunday. Do you get it? I am busy until Sunday—who the hell wants to sit for two major final papers on Sunday? I am trying to be serious in revising my notes but as usual, I fail magnificently. Here is the proof to what I have been doing on the night when I was supposed to study for Contemporary business. Imagine the grades falling down drastically—oh my God.

I am trying to act like a responsible college student who obediently studies for her final exam but every time I take a look at this schedule, I will end up cursing whoever made this schedule.

Good Morning, Gorgeous.

2011-01-02T00:59:00.000+08:00

This must have been one of the best first day of January ever in my life. Picture this in your wild imagination—breaking into FT Island's house to find Hongki sleeping without his pants, and shirtless Minhwan sleeping on the same bed with Seunghyun who is also not wearing any pants. Okay, enough with the imagination.

I must be one of the happiest fan girl right now. I am so freaking thankful of the PD of KBS2 TV School Variety, 100 Points Out of 100 Points for doing this to satisfy the curiosity of all fan girls all around the world. Half the casts of the variety show broke into FT Island's house to wake Hongki up for their Membership Training trip. Oh, I am so thankful Seunghyun and Minhwan are still asleep too.

No, there are no chance of seeing leader and bassist together though. They are no where to be found. They must have been somewhere else, or just still sleeping soundly in the comfort of their own locked room of which either Super Junior's Eunhyuk or SHINee's Minho could break in. The cutest part when Seunghyun hid in embarrassment when the three girls greeted him when he was on bed. Seunghyun, you never fail to make me smile all day long.

Seunghyun sleeps without his pants on, the same goes to Hongki. Minhwan on the other hand sleeps without his shirt on, which I find very cute indeed. God, I will do anything to break into FT Island's house right now. To have the members sleeping half naked—oh God, save me from my wild imagination.

The Eyeliner, The Mistake, And The Awesomeness.

2011-01-01T00:44:00.002+08:00

Hands down for the best year-end festivals of 2010. This is what I call a song festival. The greatness that flows and the energy that comes along with it. I am not disappointed, thank you very much. The expectation I have upon the revelation of the Band Battle and Combined Stage of two great idol bands, FT Island and CN Blue is just too freaking awesome to be described in words.

I found no words to describe the performance, accept for the fact that the dearest vocalist of FT Island, Lee Hongki has failed magnificently when I think he kind of forget the fact that cute rapper, Song Seunghyun did have a line in the performance. I don't think that was intentional though. Or was it? Oh well, even when that mistake happened, I am just too fascinated by the performance itself to notice (although afterward I laughed my head off at how Hongki sang as if nothing really happened until he stopped and Seunghyun just started rapping as if it was amusing to do so).

And along came Onew from SHINee, Junsu from 2PM, Luna from F(x) and IU. And there came the most awesome performance of the song festival. The great and amazing performance of the night and I would rather miss a New Year celebration to watch over and over again.

Okay, I am just completely biased but hands down for the best band of the night, FT Island. I am not sure about the Blue and White Team because I am just too confused to care for but I am rooting for whatever team FT Island is in.

Don't blame me, dear. Blame this bias towards the five freaking gorgeous boys in white tonight.

Guess What, Here Comes 2011.

2011-01-01T00:26:00.000+08:00

found via HAPPY NEW YEARS MY FOLLOWERS
It is finally the time for everyone to say goodbye to 2010 and welcome the year of 2011 with open hearts. I have so many memories—both detestable and loveable. I am happy to say that it is finally the time to let go and chase after what I am dreaming upon the future. In this 2011, I am going to open a new book and write beautiful memories in it. Hopefully, 2011 will not be a hard year for me. For many reasons, I am going to smile and wish for the best in many years to come. Even after a dull night during New Year's Eve—the lack of social activities to be blamed again—however, I have freaking much fun watching the awesome performances of Korean music. Hey, I am not lying—it was freaking fun.

The not so beautiful thing about 2011 is that I have to revise my notes for the upcoming final examination. Oh great, a good way to spoil my New Year mood. Everybody, school is going to start very soon so go and get your things ready for first day of school. To my college mates, good luck for the final examination. I am wishing you all well. Okay, I am wishing my self well too.

2010 has been a fun ride—there are so many ups and so many downs altogether. Let us all hope that 2011 will bring us gazillion good memories. Say hello to 2011, people. We are going to have the company of 2011 for another 365 days.

Another note to self, I will be coming back with my 2010 Favorites List—the continuation of what I have done way back in 2009. And not forget of course, the fan girl post of the vocalist with eyeliner and the other four boys who rocked the white outfit and the whole performance tonight as well. Let us remember back on what bring us the most joy in 2010, should we?

2010 And The Best Of It.

2010-12-31T23:51:00.002+08:00

found via Make me fall in love.
This is not something I do out of boredom—this is something I do as a continuation of what I have done last year on the last day of 2009. So right now, I am going to welcome 2011 by the same way—to list all of my favorites (of which have been heavily influenced by bias so you have been warned).

20 Favorite Songs—Excluding FT Island's Song—of 2010.
1. 좋은 날 (Good Day) – IU
2. 죽어도 못 보내 (Can't Let You Go Even If I Die) – 2AM
3. 루팡 (Lupin) – KARA
4. 정신이 나갔엇나봐 (Losing My Mind) – Lee Seunggi
5. I My Me Mine – 4Minute
6. 사랑해 또 사랑해 (I Love You And I Love You) – Oh Wonbin
7. Madonna – Secret
8. 마법소녀 (Magic Girl) – Orange Caramel
9. Hello – SHINee
10. Breathe – Miss A
11. 미인아 (Beauty) Bonamana – Super Junior
12. 죽을 만큼 아파서 (Because It Hurts As Much As Dying) – MC Mong feat. Mellow
13. 잘해줘봐야 (Nothing Last Forever) – Girl's Day
14. 결혼까지 생각했어 (Even Thought Of Marriage) – Wheesung
15. Beautiful – Beast
16. Go Away – 2NE1
17. 위톨이야 – CN Blue
18. 내가 너무 아파 (I'm Hurt) – T-Ara
19. Lucifer – SHINee

2010 however, my ultimate favorite band—FT Island—does not released a full album instead, they released one successful mini-album, three Japanese singles and a digital remake single of which all consisted of fifteen songs. I am going to rate fifteen songs according to my most favorite and to the least favorites.

15 Favorite Songs From FT Island of 2010
1. 사라 사랑 사랑 (Love Love Love)
2. Flower Rock
3. 슬픈 언약식 (Sad Promise)
4. Brand New Days
5. Treasure
6. 미친 듯이 너 하나만 (Crazily, Only You)
7. Boom Boom Boom
8. Baby Love
9. 돈키호테의 노래 (Song of Don Quixote)
10. So Today
11. 구든 살이 박여버려 (Like My Hardened Skin / Calluses Being Stuck)
12. Music Life
13. Revolution
14. Wing
15. I Change For You

15 Favorite Music Videos—Including FT Island—from 2010.
1. 사랑 사랑 사랑 (Love Love Love) – FT Island
2. Breathe – Miss A
3. 죽어도 못 보내 (Can't Let You Go Even If I Die) – 2AM
4. 전활 받지 않는 너에게 (To You Who Doesn't Answer My Phone Call) – 2AM
5. 미인아 (Beauty) Bonamana – Super Junior
6. So Today – FT Island
7. 마법소녀 (Magic Girl) – Orange Caramel
8. Flower Rock – FT Island
9. Bang – After School
10. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – Lee Hyori
11. 가식 걸 (Shady Girl) – Sistar
12. Run Devil Run – Girls' Generation
13. 죽을 만큼 아파서 (Because It Hurts As Much As Dying) – MC Mong feat. Mellow
14. Mister (Japanese Version) – KARA
15. 시간아 멈처라 (Please Stop The Time) – Davichi

Unfortunately, 2010 has been a year where I spent most of my time watching movies and listening to music rather than watching the great dramas of 2010. I believe that I should not rate a drama without watching it because the only drama I loyally followed in 2010 was 내 여자친구는 구미호 (My Girlfriend Is A Nine-Tailed Fox). I am still in love with that drama, period. I ship Dimple Couple forever.

2010 in general has been a great year in the Korean music industry and also for my own local music industry. I listen to almost every genre and although I am sticking with my bias forever—I am still open to any kind of music. I don't need anyone to bash me and my list because this is honestly what I like from 2010. I don't need any bashing or critics, because I am free to tell anyone what I like. I am free to listen to what you have to say—about your favorites from 2010.

At least I have finally witnessed my bias won awards for their excellent work in 2010. I love watching their success—and now I feel like a freaking mother to all those gorgeous boys. I also enjoy watching the success of others so let us say goodbye to 2010 and welcome 2011, in hope that it will bring even more happiness and success.

The Vocalist And His Eyeliner.

2010-12-30T23:11:00.002+08:00

My mom and my sisters watched this performance through the television on KBS World channel with me tonight and believe me, the four of us squealed like a bunch of happy girl campers throughout the performance. I can't never get my mom to squeal over any other Korean artists accept for FT Island. The performance tonight is just too amazing for words. Oh, and one more thing; Lee Hongki, my mom told you to ditch the eyeliner anytime soon. She said you look too girly, although I kind of like it. And tonight, I get my mom to appreciate the cuteness of Song Seunghyun for three amazing minutes.

Dear Leader, I officially envied the relationship between you and your Gibson girlfriend.

Dear Vocalist, You Make Eyeliner Looks Hot.

2010-12-29T23:46:00.000+08:00

I guess the year-end music festivals for this year finally give a little space for my favorite band to perform. I do not expect any grand performance for this first year-end festival; given the fact that the boys have just return to South Korea from Japan about several hours before the show itself. However, I am proud to tell you, boys. I am freaking proud of your performance tonight. Everything else doesn't matter, all that matter is that your performance may seemed simple yet it was awesome.

Although I strongly believed that the other older vocalist of the other band featured together with FT Island might have ruin the mood and the whole song by FT Island itself. But beggars can't be choosers. Let us wait for tomorrow.

Don't Wake Up Tomorrow, Sweetheart.

2010-12-28T15:47:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
I am just desperate to cry right now. I have been holding my tears back since yesterday and I am just freaking exhausted. I am tired. I am not in a condition where I could pull myself together and tell a lie saying that I am fine. I can't think and I can't even breath properly. I am too fragile, I am going to break into a million of pieces right this moment. I am too unconscious, I can't stay conscious anymore. To be honest, I am not fine. I am nowhere near to being fine. I want to cry and scream and let the whole world knows that I am just too tired to continue on. I want to stop breathing and stop thinking. I should have not say this but I am just so damn tired. I want everything to stop. I want all these thoughts to stop running and just literally stop. I want everything to just fucking stop. I want to close my eyes and live in my fantasy forever. I just need to cry right now. I am a mess. I am the ultimate mess. Don't wake me up tomorrow, life. I am better off living in my own imagination rather than to continue feeling this exhausted in reality. I just need to stop, for now. I need to stop and fall down.

Just don't wake me up tomorrow, reality.

Mom, I Love You But Not Your Style.

2010-12-26T20:46:00.002+08:00

In many ways I realize that my mom and I have almost similar things in common, mostly when it comes to the matter of style—we both like Louis Vuitton thank you very much and we also both like collecting handbags. For that, I love my mom so freaking much.

However, sometimes she could give such terrible fashion advices that surely makes me want to hit my head on the wall in desperation. I mean, she comes from the 50's thus it make sense that her sense of style has nothing to do with what I have right now. I love her, but I don't mean that I have to love her sense of style.

Mom, I am a nineteen years-old (just because I refuse to admit that I am going to be freaking twenty years-old next year) who seriously don't need to wear anything that will make me feel and look like a fifty years-old mother with four kids.

Today, she has amazingly bought several pairs of pajama pants for my younger sister and I. There are several patterns that I freaking love—just look at the one I am wearing right now. So cute with all those heart patterns. Makes me feel extremely cute even when I am not. But my mom is still forcing me to take all those horrible old patterned pajama pants that look like something my late grandma would have in her wardrobe. Oh, the nightmare.

She keeps on telling me that I would only wear those damn ugly pajama pants to sleep and I continue telling her that I don't want to wear something ugly even to sleep. What would happen if guests happen to come to our house at night and see me wearing something so damn ugly, they would want to puke on my pajama pants? Mom, I am a teenager. Don't make me wear something a grandma would wear. I love all the cute patterns, but I am strictly not taking those ugly ones.

Mom is angry with me for this. I mean, I am not disobeying her or anything. It just happen to be something I don't want to wear, not even to my sleep. Yes, there are just pajama pants, no one would see but I would want something I like in my wardrobe—not something I have a hard time to wear and detest all the way. Believe me mom, I believe you will do the same if you are in the same shoe as I am right now.

What makes me wonder is that, why would my mom insists me to take all those freaking ugly pajama pants if to her those pants are wonderful when she could have taken those to herself. Well, I guess even she knows those pajama pants are just too ugly, they deserve to be burnt.

2010 Special Mash-Up.

2010-12-24T21:33:00.001+08:00

I declare myself a new fan of DJ Masa and his awesome remixes—mostly the ones that include Korean songs. His remixes are by far the best I have ever heard and I am not exaggerating on this. Honestly, I don't really like remixes—I think they are just confusing most of the time—but these good remixes by DJ Masa are just too good not to like. This is an awesome way to conclude the amazing year of 2010—the year which I assume to be the best one when it comes to the matter of music. I mean, I don't like the fact that there are just way too many rookies debuting all in the same time but seriously, this year has been a good one in the Korean music industry.

This is just the remix done for the second half of 2010. You are able to find his other amazing remixes in his YouTube channel here.

Sixty songs in one great remix to end the year of 2010. As for my guilty pleasure, I admit I have downloaded this remix. The first ever remix to be in playlist and to stay in there for a very very long time. So goodbye the good year of music industry. I will be meeting you again next year with a higher expectation.

I don't believe in Santa and whatsoever because obviously I don't celebrate Christmas but my only wish for tonight is to be in Taipei—so that I could attend Beautiful Journey Live concert in Taipei. I want to spend Christmas—despite not celebrating it in any religiously or formal way—with my five (make that six in Taipei) favorite boys in the whole wide world.

Joyeux Noël everyone ! Have a Merry Christmas !

She Who Laugh Might Ends Up Crying In The End.

2010-12-23T20:51:00.001+08:00

found via just for tonight, darling, let's get lost
Listening to the cover version of the song Poker Face by FT Island really does help me a lot through writing this post. I realize I have write quite an impressive post about trying to stay positive about love on my previous post and despite that I should have use this time to memorize the newspaper for the newspaper quiz tomorrow, I believe that writing this one particular post is even more important—because the reason why I write this post is because someone has hurt my dearest best friend.

Okay, let us talk about love and the negative side of it. That one particular girl is now a girlfriend to another one particular boy from the circle of friends I have. I am totally fine about that. But does she really have to stalk my best friend's blog and somehow laugh at her for not being able to have the boy she secretly loves—just because that boy happens to be her new boyfriend? Girl, that is an act of a loser. Oh, excuse my language. That is an act of a b*tch.

You never laugh at someone who can't have the person he/she loves. That is just pure evil.

Admiration is a strong word. There is nothing wrong for my best friend to admire this one particular boy because obviously, we all do the same thing sometimes. I admit, I do admire certain boys but that doesn't mean I want to kidnap him and keep him all for myself. Girls admire boys because sometimes they have the criteria we are looking for in our perfect boyfriend type. I mean, I would like to have Ashton Kutcher as my boyfriend and there is no wrong for me to admire a boy who I may accidentally meet who perhaps looks a little like Ashton Kutcher. I believe I have done nothing wrong.

So girl, I know that you believe you are awesome. Okay, I am not going to argue about that because I have no idea who you are and the last memory I have when I talk to you is the time when you ask me to do this and that as if I am your maid—but no, I am not keeping any grudge over someone like you—it would be a waste of my time. But like seriously, no one—and that includes you—have the right to laugh at someone who can't have the person he/she secretly likes. No, that is not right. You are allowed to be happy with whoever you like but never, laugh at others. That is an act of a brainless b*tch. The part where you hurt my friend through doing that means you are a biggest b*tch ever.

Excuse my language dear readers. I believe that I may not have the perfect grammar like that one particular girl but I believe we all have the rights to write whatever we want and like. I support my friend for not hiding her feelings—because to like someone whether secretly or openly is never a sin. It is an act that proves that we all have feelings because we all are just human beings. You b*tch, I wish you all the best with that boy—of whom unfortunately is my friend. May you all live happily ever after—although I am not sure if holding hands and saying I love you today to each other might ends up in marriage.

Love is a free thing—we don't have the rights to stop anyone from feeling it—even if somehow, another person might just secretly likes your special ones. Believe me b*tch, karma is a delicious treat—what goes around, comes around.

One Beautiful Thing Called Love.

2010-12-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

found via the starts set fire to my eyes
I could see that love is budding between some of my friends. I like to see these couples rising from among our friends—but in the same time it starts to be freaking awkward. I mean, to work with couples and see them together in projects creeps the hell out of me. I am fine with them being together all the time but do they really have to let the whole world knows that they are officially couples? I don't think that is an appropriate move, especially when you are dating someone from the same circle of friends.

Okay, I admit that I am jealous. So what, I am a human and I am allowed to be jealous. I am pathetically single and in love with a celebrity that doesn't even know I exist. Oh come on, just admit I am quite a pathetic one in this matter. I have trouble finding love and being in love. My past relationships—not so well. Each ends either tragically or just horribly. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I don't think love and me have any kind of chemistry at all.

The worst part is that, I freaking hate Chemistry subject in high school too but that is totally out of the discussion. Who would have a great time memorizing the Periodic Table when the only memory of studying Chemistry in high school is the moment when we spilled some kind of acid and we ran like crazy children to the sink to wash our itchy and reddish hands. Oh, those memories.

Back to the matter of discussion, I admit that I would not say no to love right now. I have been single like way too long and I think that this is the time for me to open my heart and learn to accept the reality. Let bygones be bygones. I don't have any grudge against boys for the mistakes I have done with love in the past—like some of the girl I know in college—and I am absolutely fine in welcoming a boy who would love me as much as I could love him. Love is a beautiful thing, I would love to cherish it.

Guess I would have to celebrate Valentine's Day alone again like a loser next year. Let me recall the last time I celebrated Valentine's Day—of which I believe to be two years ago, perhaps. Oh my God, it has seriously been two years since the last time I actually celebrated Valentine's. What a loser.

Band That Performs The Best.

2010-12-21T00:48:00.003+08:00

They could continuously feed my ears with rock, pop rock and even something alternative—yet still I would choose their mellow and soothing ballads anytime without hesitation. The wonderful vocal that is no match to anyone else with its amazingly arranged music—I could say I am deeply impressed and amazed. They have once again proved themselves to be the best band ever. I mean, this band is literally the pioneer of all the idols that should venture into making serious music—in this mean, ballads. Give me more ballads rather than destroying my ears with all those auto-tuned junks that should have been banned already. They could rock any genre given and perform flawlessly in any given situation. They are so freaking underrated among all those muscular and crazily dancing idols. So freaking underrated yet still, proves that even among all those ridiculous perspectives, they remain the best in their field. This is what I call talent. Everyone could sing, but not everyone could do music, beautifully just like FT Island does. So long 2010 and the glorious year of this beautiful and perfect love rock ballad. I will be expecting even a more glorious song from you in 2011.

I know I am five days late on this particular performance but I have been blinded by its simplicity and perfections that I have dedicated so many times in watching it over and over again yet I could not find the time to write a proper post to go along with. A year of which I am introduced to the beautiful world of music by FT Island. I will be missing 2010 for this.

All The Sweet Lies.

2010-12-20T23:38:00.005+08:00

found via fight off your demons
I am about to tell the truth—of only those who have understand me completely would know. I met my friends recently and by chance, I have the opportunity to introduce my colleagues from college to them through the pictures I kept in my mobile phone. Upon seeing the pictures, one of my friend—of whom have know me even better than I am—asked the reason why I looked different with them than with my college friends.

“Why is it that you look different?”
“What do you mean?”
“Look at these...these are not the outgoing and cheerful friend I know.”
“Come on, I was incredibly happy in those pictures.”
“Are you now?”
“Don't talk in riddles, what do you really mean by that?”
“I mean, if you were really happy back then with them as this girl who looked way different than the girl I know, are you still happy with them now?”
“I am.”
“Fuck your lies, I am your friend. I could see through you. You are not you when you are with them.”

To be honest, I am a pretender. I am a sweet con artist who works deliciously good among people in college. I am a liar. In college, you will see me trying my hardest to just fit in. I will put on clothes I will not wear regularly. I will put on make-ups just that I could feel pretty among the pretty ones in classes. I will speak in a way I could not understand myself. I would like things I hate to death to impress the friends I think I have around me. I would do things I usually will not. I am becoming a person I am not every time I go to college.

It is painful—but it keeps me from feeling isolated. It makes me feel as if I fit in, somewhere. I am not trying to lie but understand me please, I am trying to fit in. I am trying to be like one of them so that I could feel as if I belong somewhere. The option of being myself means I am willing to shut myself from anyone—not because I am crazy or scary for people to approach—but because I have a different perspective in life that might not be the normal thing for other people. I try not to hurt myself by seeing myself float away from people. I don't like them to ignore me, because it hurt so freaking much; even if it means I have to lie. To them, to myself.

Dear Handsome Guy.

2010-12-19T01:11:00.003+08:00

found via aesthetics by dmcq
Look at this man—I mean like seriously—and find me one good reason on why I should not ~~sex~~ love him. The hair, the jawline, the eyes—oh my God, his eyes—his shoulders, his everything. They are just too mesmerizing as they are. The wonder a man could do to a girl like me. Dear Matt Bomer, you can have half of my heart—because half of it is still with the one particular boy who I will always ~~rape~~ love who plays a guitar in a band. But oh my God, Matt Bomer. It would not be me if I don't squeal like crazy each time White Collar commercial appears on TV. Mr. Bomer, what have you done to me. You are one perfection. You are so freaking perfect, I could stare at your pictures all day and cry at myself for not being able to ~~kidnap~~ meet you.

Shuts the Reality Off Music.

2010-12-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

found via City Lights
I have bought a pair of Mix-Style headphone today—which cost me half of the money I brought along in my purse and will cause me to starve for five freaking days next week. I want to buy the common pattern—the one with a star on it but the shop only sell the one with skulls printed on it. So yeah, now I have something which might seems like what the awesome vocalist of the awesome band might own. I think I have develop yet another interest in skulls. I have so many things left to buy—a new diary for 2011 is on the top of the list right now. However, I found the money I have spent for the headphone is so amazingly worthy. The moment I turned on the media player on my mobile phone—as my mp3 ran out of battery and I could only connect the headphone to my mobile phone at that time—it sounded incredible. I freaking love this thing. The best part about it is that the moment I put it on, I shut myself off from listening to the outside world. It leaves me with just my music and me. It shuts the reality off my music. It blocks away disturbance immediately. I freaking love this headphone. I might spend another huge amount of money to buy another pair—if I manage to find the place which sell this thing.

Movie Tonight.

2010-12-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
Is currently watching what seems to be one of the movie my dad and I both shared as one of our favorite movies—Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull. It is also raining outside. The sound of the raindrops against the roof makes it very interesting tonight. My night will be complete if I have a bowl of buttered popcorn. Although I have a choice of Cheezels or chocolate ice-cream with nuts and marshmallows. How funny it is to sit on the couch in front of the television with my dad sprawling comfortably on the other couch next to where I am sitting—both fascinated by the movie we have once watched at the cinema. We are both not making any sound. Somehow, I find this situation very engaging. I love how I am able to be a daughter who stays in the same living as my dad in the same moment, watching something that secretly, we both like. I have spend most of my nights in my bedroom—I have not making this silent connection with my dad at home anymore—just the connections we have when I hitch a ride to college on his motorcycle.

Class And Stuffs That Go With It.

2010-12-15T08:29:00.000+08:00

Note to self—never start my morning with earphones in my ears and putting on my Windows Media Player on repeat mode of some self-destructive ballad songs—all these could terribly make me miss my bed and my pillows and the only time I could sleep.

Someone obviously need to stop enjoying heavy breakfast in class or I will end up murdering her. I am trying so freaking hard not to reveal an identity but if you are the one ready this post—well, just to let you know that it gets freaking irritating to have you enjoying those heavy breakfasts in class when my stomach is growling like crazy every morning. Girl, I hate you so freaking much I hope you choke on those food you eat. Hah, there goes my morning.

This...has make me hate to attend classes even more. I wish I could get over with the finals and get the hell over with this mess. I am already creating a big mess over my Basic English class and whats not, I don't need to get into another mess with her. I don't like her—I like her better before she broke up with her boyfriend. Bring me back that girl instead of this selfish one.

I need this class to start so freaking soon. I need to get on with my live instead of continuing to hate her and the rest of the world. Teenage life, what is so freaking awesome about it anyway?

Right now, I am changing my playlist to something brighter—Flower Rock anyone? Huh, no picture attach for now. Internet connection sucks big time and I have exceeded the limit. Oh great for me.

Everything Will Be Fine, Honey.

2010-12-09T09:59:00.000+08:00

found via beautiful disaster
I am getting better emotionally—I am trying to be positive—as positive as I could while I am trying to fix my current life. I know the consequences of being emotionally unstable thus I want to fix that. I need t fix that, urgently. I am getting better in controlling my current life—avoiding things I dislike, doing things I really like. I am trying to involve in circles—rather than evaporate fast enough not to know anything. Okay well, I do evaporated several times but at I least I reappear. I am also trying to save my grades from falling—now that my current semester is coming to an end very soon. Don't let me fail any subject—regardless how lazy I am in completing assignments and tasks. I promise that I will stop posting posts like these because I know it starts to irritate most people. Fine, I am going to be a real blogger from now on—who updates about life rather than rants. I will be fine, thank you for the concerns.

My friend is being so freaking happy (and giggling all the way) with her boyfriend right in front of me. I admit, even though that I should not, I am jealous. I envied her happiness. I want someone to make me giggle like a five-years old too. I want a man who I could cherish his cheeks and fix his hair regularly. I want someone to eat something I buy with my own money. I want someone—just practically someone—to love me.

This Is Not a Suicide Note.

2010-12-06T23:02:00.000+08:00

found via Embrace the night.
I think I have worried almost every single friend who read my blog lately with my recent post about my heartache and my desire to disappear. Apparently, the word death that appear always bring a bad definition to anyone who knows me so I apologize for making anyone thinks that I am going to end my own miserable life. No, I am not that stupid nor I want to commit an unforgivable sin.

It’s just that I have been under a lot of pressure lately that I need to take off the wild thoughts off my mind and off my chest. I know I sound a lot like someone with a critical mental problem nowadays but don’t worry; I am working hard in keeping my sanity right. I am not going to go crazy, thank you very much.

Don’t take my words seriously because I could be a little extreme with my words when I am feeling slightly off the usual moods. I am very critical with words. I love to play with words. These words are only to express—not to really portray my current living situation. I love being over the top sometimes, even more when I am feeling way worst than usual.

Writing such things could guarantee me negative views from people around me but I don’t really care. I just need my own little space in this wide world where I am free to do or write whatever I want. I don’t have to fear the perspectives of anonymous around me. I could only fear the fact I might suffocate myself if I keep my words to myself.

There shouldn’t be any worries about me trying to commit anything dangerous—for example jumping off the building or bridge, overdosing myself with sleeping pills or cut my own fat wrist. I am a coward, thus there is no way I am going to do such things. I also admit I have been taking frequent intake of Dextromethorphan (DXM) to reduce my annoying cough and also to help me to sleep at night. I am not going to violate the usage, don’t worry. To die because of DXM doesn’t sound really cool.

I am trying to force myself to be a part of the world I am living right now. I am doing all that I could to make sure that I continue on living even when half the world I am living right now doesn’t feel like its mine. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I am trying to live the present well by continuing to breath. I don’t want to evaporate too fast. I want to let go, I don’t want to keep it all.

Lose These Emotions.

2010-12-01T00:03:00.003+08:00

found via Call her moonchild, dancing
When I was young, I believe in all those beautiful fantasies about the adult life without knowing the thin lines of lies and pains in between the sweet things. Now that I am becoming a year older, it seems like all those thin lines are visible enough to suffocate me—in a life of which I do not wish to live anymore. Am I too close to commit the ultimate sin—suicide? I am too coward for such bravery.

Death is too valuable for someone like me. I am an amazingly coward person. I have no bravery to close my eyes and just literally let go of life. I am too scared of the consequences, I am just too scared to not be able to walk away and look back at what I am leaving.

I am not in the right state to actually write a proper post right now. My friend(s) is leaving college one by one and damn it, I hate when this happen. I am so freaking scared to tell my parents about this—who wouldn’t considering that I have already quit once before. I tried to be optimistic about this but yeah, I failed miserably. For the first time in my life, I feel like I really belong somewhere when I am with my dearest friends. Guess, this mean I am never going to be a part of something at all. Well, thankfully I have such skills in living my life in solitary so I think I am going to do fine. For how long, I don't know though.

I do have so much fun today thanks to my sisters and my mother and of course, my lovely nephews but this is such heartbreak. I mean, I love what I am doing right now. I just don’t know if I could do it any longer if one by one the people I actually care about it leaving. Damn this feeling—I wish I am emotionless so that I won’t feel any of these horrible feelings—all in the same time.

Is there any way to send these feelings away? I just ask for someone to give me a way to make me feel as if I am floating high enough in between the fluffy clouds, too far to touch the reality I am drowning in. I just want to close my eyes and forget this heartache. I just want to swallow this bitter taste and let it go. I just want to run away, and hope that no one will find.

In conclusion, I just want to disappear and never come back.

Freak Show Has Done It Again.

2010-11-28T20:50:00.004+08:00

found via A blog full of nothing
I am so fucking disappointed right now; I don’t even know what I am supposed to say anymore. Fine, let us all do it your way, that one particular broadcasting company. Half the population of the world—okay that is a bit extreme, I know—Primadonna voted for FT Island for the Best Band Performance on MNET Asian Music Award and in the end the other band won? I am not having any grudge against the winning band but seriously?

Then just don’t ask fans to vote for their favorites in the first place, damn it. If you are going to give the awards to those who attend, then fine. Give out the winners list the moment you give out the nominees. Then it wouldn’t be this disappointing. Oh damn it, I thought you will not do that again after what happened last year but it is happening all over again.

It feels like a freaking déjà vu—the same thing happened all over again, two years in a row. If this is the way this company is going to direct its award show, then be it. I found it uninteresting to have a certain band wins the online vote just to lose it afterward. Fine, don’t expect me to watch this freak show anymore next year and the years afterward.

Get the fucking management of yours to do its fucking job better. Letting fans vote like crazy and watch our favorite on top only to lose in the end is just too extreme for us to bear. Okay, maybe I am the only one who says this. If you are going to be this bias from the beginning, don’t mind creating such awards to annoy us fans. Just give those freaking awards to those you love and will help in increasing your ratings.

I am done watching MNET and its award show since 2007. The only best show last up until that year and after that, it just become some freak show that awarded those who could give them high rating. My press release looks way more interesting than watching your show. This is no award show. There is no fairness in this show. No wonder everyone is not attending. Just awarded those biases of yours and get the hell over with this.

Experiencing Live Through Children.

2010-11-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

I wrote previously about writing about my whole experience as I attended the Shout Awards 2010—but now it seems like my interest in writing that stuff has disappeared, thanks to the ten thousand times better experience that I have after paying a meaningful visit to PERNIM. In case you don’t know what PERNIM stands for, it stands for Persatuan Kebajikan Anak Pesakit HIV/AIDS Nurul Iman Malaysia—in a simpler note, a shelter home for underprivileged kids with HIV/AIDS.

As a student in Public Relation class, my participation in this visitation was mandatory due to the fact that we will be holding a charity dinner for those kids from PERNIM. It was one meaningful visit that made me reflected back on the life I have never been thankful of—when I only knows how to rant and complaint, those kids I met know how to be grateful of life thousand times better than I do.

We went there by bus and all of my friends went there as well. We departed from college about nine and arrived there not long after that. The moment we arrived there, even before I took off my shoes, a young girl approached my friends and I and greeted us so warmly, it felt so right to be there. Such nice accommodation, I thought. And things sort of got better from that point beyond.

There, we met almost more than twenty children from as young as 29 days to perhaps, 12 years-old. They were all such sweethearts. Perhaps it has been my nature to want to get along with kids that I want to be a part of those children’s little play, I watched them play and talk and get excited over everything. I get to listen to their words instead of the other way around and for once, I was able to look deep into the lives of the children who were never normal—the lives that taught me so much today.

It is so hard not to feel some kind of affectionate connection with those unfortunate kids. I mean, the moment we stepped into the house, we could already be connected with them through this awesome relationship called friendship. I would cry at their voices calling my “kakak” (which means “sister”, a polite call for someone older).

I would give everything to spend another day with all those lovely young children who have such mature perspective in lives. With them, I could feel as if I am the innocent one who knows nothing about life when they have been through so much. Through them, I see that the future means everything to them when I could not think the same even when I am slightly more privileged than they are.

I admit, I cried the moment we said our goodbyes. I became so attached to this young girl with wise words named Angelina (I am so sorry, I don’t know how to spell her name the right way), I cried as I gave her my last advice and bid goodbye. It was so hard to take pictures together and wave goodbye. If I could bring you home, I will. To hear her call me as her sister broke my heart to pieces. I can’t even look at her as we walked away to our bus. I mean, in such short time, she lead me into a life I never knew, teaching me things I never knew and became a part of me that I found hard to let go.

They are strong, they are all stronger than any of us not because of their illness—but because they have fought obstacles younger than all of us. They have faced so much, they are old enough in their young ages to face the world. I wish I could be as brave as those children.

This is not a permanent goodbye. I am sure we will meet again during the charity dinner on December 10, 2010. I want to meet her again, and hear her call my name again. I want to feel the warmth those children gave despite their lack of everything when the real truth is that, I am the one who owns nothing when I am there with them.

Quickie Updates Before It Gets Too Late.

2010-11-22T13:07:00.000+08:00

found via inspireplease
There have been one thousand and one things that happened in the past week that I wanted to share with almost everyone. I mean, there have been various kinds of ups and downs recently that made me realized about so many things. I would love to write and rant as many as I could but time is being extremely envious of my life.

Okay, let me put the grand highlights of the week. I gave myself a well-deserved one week off from classes just because I am lazy like that. I celebrated Eidul Adha to the fullest with my whole family gathered together at our house. I took pictures with my DSLR like crazy on one day that I accidentally converted a video that couldn’t be deleted off my files in my laptop. I skipped Public Relation’s class so amazingly. I played, screamed and yelled as much as I want with my nephews. I spent like crazy on clothes and novels. I went to Shout Awards 2010 and had both fun and depression afterwards. I fell in love with a the host from 8TV who unknowingly waved at me while I was alone waiting for the event to start as if he knew how lonely I felt. I met so many celebrities that I never have interest in. I walked across the National Stadium bare-footed at midnight with my two best friends. We missed our train and listened to a dad babbled about stuffs that shrunk my heart. I suffered the consequences of wearing three inches heels to the event with cramped legs and swollen feet. I rushed to finish my assignment until two in the morning.

I know I have the longest post about my attendance in the Shout Awards 2010 but I don’t think I have enough time to do that now that I am sitting inside the library of my college, staring at the dimmed screen of my laptop (I swore I need to get my dad to fix this screen) while listening to FT Island. I mean, I am waiting for my friend to finish her assignment in order to get a free ride back home just because I am this close to being broke. I will try to post the damn long post about Shout Awards 2010 later.

Back To Hogwarts.

2010-11-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
I went to watch the premiere of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows last night with my parents, my younger sister and my dearest nephew at a nearby cinema. Surprisingly, it was easy to get five tickets on its premiere day—mostly due to the fact that the movie opened on a public holiday—it was Aidil Adha yesterday.

The movie was incredibly great—if my mood wasn’t terribly spoiled by some losers who practically didn’t have any manners at all. They came in for the movie late; they made noises throughout the movies and teased everyone who was practically sobbing by the end of the movie (spoiler alert). Those boys sat close to my seat and I was so close on throwing the bottle I was holding at one of them. In the middle of the movie, I even purposely said out loud a Malay cursing word to those boys—and eventually get one glare from one of the boys. Good for you, at least you know someone hates you boys.

Honestly, I love this first installment of the last movie in the Harry Potter’s series more than the last two movies. I was greatly disappointed with the slow pace of the previous movie and the fifth movie wasn’t as great as I expected (because I love the fifth book the most—highly incredible—and don’t try to judge me, I do read all of Harry Potter’s books, excuse me). I love its smooth flow and its pace. It isn’t too slow, it isn’t too fast.

I am not going to ruin the movie to anyone who hasn’t watched it. I recommended everyone to watch it. It is a good movie—great acting, great script, great adaptation from the book to the screen and great development. I love the overall outcome of the movie. And even after all these years, I still think Daniel Radcliffe is as fascinating as he always is from the beginning.

How cute could the couples in the movie be? I almost squeal upon the scene between Harry Potter and his girlfriend, Ginny Weasley (spoiler alert again) and had a smile on my lips during the cute moments between Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. I think they are all cute beyond anything else.

There are several possibilities that I can’t wait any much longer for the second installment to premiere in 2011. I mean I’ve read the book again after watching this movie last night and was totally engaged in it for the second time. I try imagining the dueling scenes over and over again in my mind but it get really ugly when I do it by myself. I am going to let the movie finishes it off next year.

I Love You and I Love You, Oh Wonbin.

2010-11-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

My favorite member—oh wait, make that ex-member—of FT Island finally comes back as solo artist. Like a dream, Oh Wonbin finally makes a comeback after almost two years since he left FT Island in early 2009. God granted my prayers—Oh Wonbin is finally back. I know this is super late but, I just don’t have the time to actually dedicate my heart and soul for Wonbin this week. I am so sorry.

The first time I read an article on ALLKPOP about the comeback of former FT Island member, I literally screamed in happiness (you can ask my younger sister who witnessed it). I almost got a cardiac arrest. For almost two freaking years, I have only been missing Oh Wonbin from time to time—he finally returns.

사랑해 또 사랑해 (I Love You and I Love You) is his debut single—in collaboration with Miryo of Brown Eyed Girls. But let me get this straight. He once told that the reason why he left FT Island was because of music differences—by mean, he didn’t want to go with the same flow with FT Island in terms of music anymore. But why in the world would his debut single sounds so much like something FT Island—okay, if not maybe FT Triple—would possibly do in an album? Don’t get me wrong. I love the song because it was wonderfully made but I am expecting something literally different. I am not going to argue—I love his debut single and I love him even more now that he is back—but seriously, I just don’t get it.

The single; overall it was beautiful. I love the instrumental—I literally listened to the instrumental version of the song over and over again because it is just too damn beautiful. Wonbin obviously improved drastically in rapping and singing but I am sorry to say that I love Miryo’s parts even more in this song. I am so sorry, Wonbin. Miryo is just too awesome to not be noticed. But I still love their collaboration. The music video; it was nicely made—simple and clean cut—nothing over the top, just plain and nice. I like it, in fact, I think I like it a lot.

I have mixed reviews upon this single. I mean, I freaking love the fact that Wonbin is officially back. I also love how incredibly handsome he looks nowadays—he looks as if he got younger and taller. On the other hand, his debut single isn’t really something amazing because it resembles FT Island’s songs in so many ways (let me be honest, it sounds so much like Love Letter or Lie). I do love his debut single though, I really do.

Despite all of my questions, let us all just celebrate the fact that Oh Wonbin is back. I will always love him—although the space where he used to stay in my heart (and in my purse and in my pencil case and next to my bed) is no longer his place when I accidentally fell in love with Seunghyun—and will always be his fan. The best part about this comeback however, remained to be the fact that my mom thinks he is incredibly cute.

Time To Burn Some Notes.

2010-11-13T21:16:00.004+08:00

Let us all rejoice for the fact that my mid-term examination period of almost officially over—and when I say this, it means that it isn’t over just yet—the stupid Basic English 2 mid-term examination is on Monday. I hate that freaking subject anyway. I am off to celebrate my short freedom as for now.

Take a look at my Public Relations’ notes—I mean, like seriously. I have been studying hard since Friday and today when I answered it earlier, I have almost zero confidence in passing this paper. There was almost an hour of pure blankness moment that has gotten inside of me. I was literally just staring at the questions and thought, what the f*ck is wrong with these questions. I got to burn those useless notes. The Public Relations’ paper is just too damn hard—period.

Honestly, I have to say that I studied the hardest for Introduction to Journalism paper on last Wednesday. The reason could have been because Introduction to Journalism is indeed my favorite class among the five subjects I am taking currently. I made plenty of clean and neat notes for this one subject—in hope to ace it wonderfully. Seniors already reminded us that that paper was supposed to be hard and it was. You don’t expect our lecturer—no matter how playful he could get when we tease him during classes—to actually go easy on us, right?

Contemporary Business—this is one of the subjects that I am ready to watch my grade go down the drain instantly. I was freaking screwed up for this particular subject. I thought the exam was on Thursday when the fact that it was on Wednesday. My notes are hell of a mess and I needed to run back home to get everything for the f*cking examination. I was like—what the hell—I didn’t even finish revising my notes. Even if I did, I didn’t understand anything. By the end of the day, I finished college at 8.00 p.m. and got damn sick for this horrible paper. God helps me; don’t let me fail this paper.

As for Media Studies’ paper; well, it wasn’t really that easy and it was quite tough. I admitted there was several pauses in between some questions that made me raised my eyebrow in surprise. I mean, come on—lecturers are supposed to help the students, not making our lives miserable. I am praying hard that I could ace this paper as well. Crossing my fingers; please let me ace this paper.

On Monday will be my last paper—Basic English 2. Congratulation to me because I am still not taking this paper seriously no matter how important this subject is. How can I concentrate on English paper when I hate that class to the max? The whole class—including the lecturer (I am so sorry)—deserved to be flush down the toilet. Except for my two best friends and me of course. But still, I want to ace this paper, just so that I could raise the GPA points for this mid-term.

Oh my God, does anyone else except for me watched last night’s opening ceremony of the Asian Game? It was absolutely amazing—I mean, it was on an island in Guangzhou and oh my god, there was water everywhere and everything was so amazingly perfect. I am stunned, sitting there like a rock with my eyes on the screen of the TV. It was the best opening ceremony I ever watched. Even watching Malaysian athletes came out with our nation’s flag made me fell so damn proud.

On darker note—this course is making me spend more money than ever. With an event coming up, and an award ceremony to attend next week (I will be blogging about this later), I am spending half of my allowance on clothes and whatsoever. I am paying constant visit to the shopping mall nearby our college and this is an awful sign of a possible empty purse. No, I don’t want to suffer poverty in any means. This is not a good sign. Thankfully, I have bought the studded blazer earlier and now, I am off to find a pair of baju kurung and something to wear underneath the blazer. Oh good, I need more money. If only my dad will give me more allowance, life would be wonderful. But come to think about that, if I have a rich boyfriend who has hundred percent resemblances to Song Seunghyun or Josh Harnett to buy me whatsoever I want, life would be even ten thousand times more wonderful.

My Best Friend and I.

2010-11-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

found via weheartit
Today, I met my dearest best friend—Farah—who have been away in college and now back for her semester break. She asked me to accompany her to KLCC as she wanted to look for some clothes and a new pair of shoe. So, taking this chance to tag along as an opportunity to break away from a boring day off classes and away from notes for mid-tem, I tagged along.

Sincerely, we are best friends but the last time I saw her was almost a year ago—we barely contacted each other, unless when we really needed each other. Like, seriously. We are just this kind of people who talk the most when we meet rather than through technologies.

First, we went to Kinokuniya as she told me that she needed my help in choosing a novel. Frankly, it was a surprise to see her want to read such romantic novel but it was a good change. We spend about thirty minutes in Kinokuniya and she ended up buying the novel she thought she liked. I wanted to buy some novel too (considering the choices in KLCC are so damn plenty to choose from) but thinking about my financial stopped me. So yeah, no novels my dear—just staring at those novels calling me, begging me to buy them.

So, we went through the entire KLCC looking for her clothes but it seemed like KLCC isn’t the place for average teenagers like us to do so. Basically after we went to almost every retail in KLCC, we had lunch (okay, she did. I didn’t have lunch for two reasons—saving money and diet) and took a bus to Ampang Point.

At Ampang Point, she finally found the t-shirt she wanted to buy so, case closed. Problem solved. We walked around to look for a pair of shoe but it was not an easy search. She ended up not buying any shoe at all. We took a bus home and we bid goodbye when the bus reached my stop.

Such a nice day to spend with my best friend—if it wasn’t really spoilt by the fact that I have mid-term coming up tomorrow. She wished me good luck though and it was such nice of her. I am hoping I could do well and wishing to slip some notes into the examination room with me as minor help. Come on, I’ve done this in high school and that doesn’t mean I’ll stop there.